How You Remind Me
by Felix McKraken     More by this Writer
A requested song fic to Nickelback's How You Remind Me Vegeta must face his greatest torment, which also happens to be the object of his desire...

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

You see through me, and I bet you have since the instant we met. You were always so perceptive, so keenly aware of everyone around you. You knew people, and somehow, I knew this. Still, I tried to act otherwise. You threw my entire little world apart. I had a sense of control, so long as I had reign over my little things. I was coarse, but not just to you. I did not discriminate: I hated everyone. This new hatred you brought managed to change my entire perspective. I ended up in situations I would have never previously fathomed. Some pitied me, and wrote off my brash attitude. Sometimes I wonder if you pitied me as well. Suddenly, you were the smarter one, and you knew what you were talking about. Me? I was blind, and daresay, ignorant. Time changes all things. You are so similar in aspect. All that meet you are so deeply effected, and I feel sometimes, that I have been especially so. And these changes, I nearly regret, leave this numbness upon me. The sort of numb one receives in a state of shock. Too stunned to respond, with reflexes all but nonexistant. You threatened, and unwittingly, unknowingly, attacked me. You destroyed all my carefully laid denials, and breached a part of my desolate soul. I was left by myself, and I was alone. It had been the first time in approximately four decades that I'd realized this. It had started the moment we first gazed upon each other, but the conclusion is drawing upon me. It's unavoidable, but I keep lying to myself. If I say it enough, maybe I'll believe it.

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"

The pinnacle of unease is coming to be. Our moments together are awkward, and for good, multiple, reasons. Once enemies, I have sworn to spill your blood and yet have not acted on this pathetic threat since our first fight so many years ago. Seeing you back forces my nerves to be high strung. I feel so obligated to stay, though I want to get as far away from you as possible. And yet, I crave your company. You are like a plague, infesting my mind and breaking my will power. You have before, so I have no doubt you can accomplish this once more. The supposed joyous occasion we are experiencing makes me feel worse than I have in a long time. Seeing you again is so hard. You seem to sense my distress, and stand by my side. Why? Your comfort only causes me pain. Your whispered apology furthers my distress. You are vague on purpose, but even I am not that dense to not pick up on your undertones. You left me. Not that you didn't depart from the others, but it's merely... You left me. I was dismissed without a further thought. Your actions were sporadic, and cost you more than I think you realized, or even realize now. That day, I swore I would never fight again. Yet, training is not fighting. I am surprised my own promise has lasted so long. It's all I've had in the wake of my mistakes, except for a dim hope, and an even deadlier, foreign emotion. Even the woman noticed my insults and jeers coming less frequently, my lack of taunts and teases, and the humiliation infliction fading to nothing. Your memory has haunted me, eating at the rest of my soul, and possibly, my sanity. I was losing a grip on the things that meant so much to me. You took down the barriers, the fortification, and left your disease to rot me out. I needed escape from your nightmare, an escape that wouldn't be easy to achieve. The family could not know of my actions, nor of my pety feelings. It would not be tolerated, and certainly they could never learn the truth, otherwise I believe I would have nothing left to protect. Another reason to keep to myself, though I could not flush my desire for you out of my system. An embarrassment that heeded more solitude. Though taken into consideration your lack of harmful intent, I cannot blaim you. I chose you, not vice versa. Regardless of what you might say, I chose you. In turn, I have caused my own torment.

yet, yet, yet, no, no
yet, yet, yet, no, no

I stare at you, your concentration elsewhere. How could I have been so blind? My judgment simply isn't what it used to be. I have let myself degrade. Yeah, and maybe it's all for you.

it's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

You have been gone so long, I wonder if you think these are differences simply because of time? They are differences because of you. If you had returned five minutes later, or several years as it is, the result would be, and still is the same. I know you were probably ashamed, and back then I might have been too. By now, so much has happened that I no longer care. Back then though, I still was naive, and I hardly believe it myself. I chose you, thinking it would work. I acted without thinking, a flaw I tend to have. I spoke words I have never spoken to another, for they still frighten me. Yet, when I think of it, I feel proud. It was the single most important thing I'd ever said to you. And I didn't lie. Even with the suffering that followed, that still lurks behind me, I uphold my word that day. I don't doubt I must have placed some heavy pressure and stress on you. It was a weight I had to hold as well, and yet in a way, we couldn't share. Sometimes I think you acted as if to punish yourself. Maybe you were unable to cope with the mutuality of the situation. Sometimes I'd ask myself, was it me, or the circumstances, that you could not stand? I know all too well the complications endowed to us. They have accounted to so many drastic alterations. In the end, though, it all comes back to the fact that you left.

And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really am

Everyone acted different when you were gone. I would selfishly say I was effected the most. On the same token, I believe you'd agree; yet so much time has passed, it would be rude of me to assume you even so much as feel concern for me. Your apology I thought was bad, but I realize your silence is simply more tragic. Do you care not about the secrets that I've been holding? The burdon of who I am for these past seven years? The truth about the one who professed and confided in you? You bring back the dormant pain, the feelings I thought I had passed. I can no longer do anything save for stare at you, even though your attention is divested elsewhere. Being close to you is enough to please my masochistic desires. Will you turn and acknowledge me? I know I have changed and perhaps you care nothing for me, but will you not at least say it to my face? Let this pathetic shell know, so that perhaps it can rest. Your interests remain on the others so close and dear to you, and I understand, and accept your actions. A rival is nothing compared to a wife or son, and not nearly as important as I have noted to myself.

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"

A cheer errupts from the stadium, and you do not fail to show your enthusiasm. You yell out your praise for your friend and animate your gestures wildly. Upon accident, you bump into me. Tossing a startled look over your shoulder, you apologize. Your gaze lingers a second longer than necessary, your expression becoming unreadable. You shrug off my failure to respond and resume your applause. Rejection swells within me, and quietly, I slip away unnoticed. Weaving through the mass of people I unwillingly cling onto your voice until it is finally drowned by the noise of so many others. I was foolish to ever think there'd be a possibility between us. I was an idiot to think my words would change you. You are the factor, you are the one that causes things to happen. I feel tired, almost sick, as I drag my feet down the empty corridors. I force myself through a doorway into a nearly deserted room, seeing as the entertainment is taking place where I had just left. I try again to drown my sorrows, as I do know that this method can work. Fleetingly, I debate whether it would be better to rather just drown myself. These childish thoughts come and go as they please, and more often than not, it's when I think of you. But, it's not your fault.

yet, yet, yet, no, no
yet, yet, yet, no, no
yet, yet, yet, no, no
yet, yet, yet, no, no

Why did you ignore me? Am I not even worth your time? Do my emotions mean nothing to you? This stupid pathetic heart of mine is crushed under the weight of your neglegence. I lean over the counter, burying my face in my crossed arms. Maybe this is for my own good. Maybe it's best not to chase after things that are impossible to catch. I had to chose you, didn't I? Yeah, I chose you.

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what i really am
This is how you remind me
Of what i really am

You killed my pride, and I did not have good honor to begin with. Eluding me, I felt the need for sacrafice. I embraced my actuality. I became less than nothing. You are the only thing standing between me and insanity. That alone nearly drives me crazy. And I want to tell you of your unknown success. I wish to tell you how you broke me. How even now I feel inadequate, unnecessary, and unable to cope with..anything. Seeing you, I see my mistakes. I'm losing touch with everything that was important to me. And still, it's not your fault.

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, i've been down,
to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"
yet, yet
are we having fun yet 3x

As the time slips on, disorientation begins to take me. The pain ebbs slightly, my thoughts still unable to turn away from you. I feel a presence by my side, but I do not look, and nor do I care. Not until your voice speaks softly to me, "I'm sorry." I jolt at the words, forcing myself not to look at you. Then so desperatly, I try to ignore you, hoping you will go away. I feel you come closer, the warmth of your body spilling over onto mine. I tremble with longing, knowing better than to divest into fantasies. I think I was a fool for giving you something I didn't even realize I had. Your voice simultaneously soothes me and unnerves me. "I didn't mean for it to happen." I try to sink further into the folds of my shirt, trying to control the sting in my eyes. My throat seizes up on me, and I'm barely able to force air through. "I didn't mean to leave," your voice continues to haunt me. My fingers clench into my forearms, digging painfully to block the emotional response. I hear you sigh softly, then you come so close your breath tickles my ear, "I didn't mean to leave you."

I feel nauseous, and choke out a response, "It's over." I nearly gasp as my lungs almost fail, my voice a strained whisper, "There's nothing between us."

You force me to expose myself, and I think to myself, How many times have I been humiliated now? Holding me firmly you look into my eyes. "What is wrong?" you demand, not question. I have never felt so exposed then in this empty bar with you, the bartender watching us discreetly.

"Kakarot.." I fumble for words, trying vaguely to form my thoughts into something I can express vocally. The conclusion of all these years comes to me, and I speak it to you, "I'm less than nothing. I have done what has been needed of me. It is time for me to receive my punishment."

I bow my head in shame, realizing my sin of what I've put you through. You let my wrist go and your hand caresses my cheek, but I jerk away from the contact, flinching. Taking me by surprise, you pull me into an embrace, your strong arms wrapping around me. "Well, you are something to me. You are Vegeta. You are the Prince of Saiyans. You are my prince. Repeat that," you whisper.

I stutter, failing at every turn, "I-I..nnh Vegeta. The..ahh..P..Prin..ce of Saiyan-ans. Yeh..Yoh..arh..pri-pri..."

"Again."

"Ihah..mn Ve-geta. The Prince ahf..S-Saiyan..s. Y-Your pri-prin..ce."

"Again!"

"I'm Vehgeta. T-The Prince of Sai-yans. Your prince.."

"AGAIN!"

"I'm Vegeta! The Prince of Saiyans! I am your prince!"

Silence reigns, and finally I give into you. I hide my face in your chest, letting the years of pain, frustration, and confusion pour out. I weep. And you hold me tightly, brushing your lips over my forehead and across me cheek. I compose myself as quickly as possible and raise my head to look at you. Your smile warmly, radiantly, as if beeming with pride. With a glance towards the bartender you say, "Let's go somewhere private, ok? I wanted to ditch the tournament with you anyway." A small smirk curves your lips.

I nod, replying, "Okay."

And I am elated, for you came back to me. You came back for me. My words were not wasted, and now I know the truth. You love me too.

You chose me.

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