I'll Always Be On Your Mind
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma     More by this Writer
Gohan’s depressed for the first two years after Goku dies (that would make him 13), blaming himself. So, one day, he has enough and decides to go to the one place that would make him happy. Only what will happen once Chichi, and the others, gather the dragon balls to wish him back?

Um…my version of what happened those seven years when Goku was gone.
Abusive



Chapter 01
Gohan stared at his reflection in the mirror: at the dull lifeless sable orbs that mirrored none of the childish innocence he had once had before Cell came and messed his life up…when he inadvertently got his father killed. Not that he was much of a father. He was never around, always training. When offered to come back, Goku refused, wanting to have a journey in Other World. Gohan narrowed his eyes. It wasn’t as if he could blame Goku. He was a pure Saiyajin, and it was normal for him to want to fight constantly. As for Gohan, since the Cell Games, he hadn’t fought once. Instead, his mother made him study hard. Gohan figured that for a thirteen year old, he had been through more bull than most humans saw their entire lifetimes. Gohan raked a hand through the ebony locks that were cut in the exact haphazard spikes as when he had fought Cell. Mainly, he kept it that way as a reminder. His body, much too mature for a boy his age, was sculpted to perfection, the material of his navy gi clinging to his short frame. Long sleeves covered to the wrists and Gohan was glad it was almost fall. Chichi was becoming suspicious.

Gohan slid the sleeve slowly up from his right wrist, grimacing when it skimmed the newest cut. Despite the clear, smooth flesh, he had done it before. That’s where eating just a tiny amount of Senzu bean came in handy; it stopped the flow of blood and cleared up any remnants of scars. He had kept the scar from the last time; he had run out of Senzu beans. Gohan grasped the razor blade in his fingers and nicked the skin below the wrist bones. He gasped, as he always did, when the first layer of skin broke. Slicing deeper, he suppressed the cry when blood started to squirt. It had become…a kind of aphrodisiac. Sometimes, it would make him aroused, other times he became sick. He jabbed one last time before drawing the knife from his skin. He licked at the coppery fluid, tasting the bitter tang. Gohan dug underneath his pillow, producing a halved Senzu bean. Breaking it apart, he chewed the side. The blood cleared, the scar healed.

Peeking out from his door down the hall to make sure his mother and little brother weren’t on the premises, he snuck into his bathroom. Locking the door, he spiked his ki to low level and dissipated the bloodied razor with a blast. Sighing, Gohan cursed himself for being so weak that he resorted to making himself hurt to make up for those he had accidentally caused pain; like his mother. Gohan knew he had a problem unlike most manic-depressants. He knew that he should seek help but what would his mother think? The other Z Senshi? Gohan, saviour of the world, was a suicidal maniac. What type of example was that to his two year old brother? Gohan frowned, creases wrinkling his flawless face.

He heard the front door slam shut and he left the bathroom to the living room. Chichi ruffled his hair before carrying the bags into the kitchen. He couldn’t help but smile. Despite the fact that Goku was dead, Chichi retained a composure no other person could match. Gohan figured it was because she knew Goku would be back sometime, like always. Though, Gohan realized, some few months before hand that Goku wouldn’t be returning any time soon. He had a dim hope that his absent father would in fact appear suddenly in his life again but…by now it had flickered to a waning flame.

Gohan went outside to fetch the remaining groceries, kneeling when his two year old brother waddled up to him. He was the spitting image of Goku. Gohan’s heart twisted. He blamed himself sometimes and when looking at the miniature version of his father, it brought the pain back tenfold. Forcing a smile onto his face, Gohan brushed a lock of raven hair from Goten’s eyes. “Hey, little one. What are you doing outside?”

A smile, which appeared to be permanent, filled the child’s face. He twisted in his shoes, sucking on his thumb diligently, furry tail held behind him. Goten went into his brother’s arms, resting his cheek against the shoulder he found. His brother always had such a pained expression and unfortunately, Goten couldn’t do anything so instead, he offered what little comfort he could.

Gohan sighed, picking the boy up and going into the house with the remaining bags of groceries in his left hand. Goten’s eyelids dropped as he slipped into sleep. Gohan frowned. If only he could have been like that. However, he had never been after he was five. So much had happened between those eight years. Raditz, his uncle, kidnapping him. Vegeta and Nappa came, killing his friends including his teacher. Freeza, killing Vegeta and really testing his powers. Then…came Trunks. At the thought of the teenager from the future, a faint blushed settled on Gohan’s cheeks.

Trunks had been his first crush. Being around all men and two women had affected Gohan and Trunks was perfect. Strong, handsome, smart. Of course, Gohan hadn’t known that the young man he met when he was seven would be the one he loved. Gohan had trained extra hard, hoping to impress Trunks when he returned and return, Trunks did. Trunks had been so…attentive to Gohan, helping him with his homework when they weren’t fighting, helping him train, hanging out with him in general. Then came the sob story about how Trunks had lost the Gohan from his world. Gohan couldn’t help but feel jealous of his older self. Gohan wasn’t sure if Trunks and Mirai Gohan had been together intimately, but he was positive that Trunks had liked Mirai Gohan. After coming from the Room of Spirit and Time, Gohan had spent ten wonderful days with Trunks and Gohan was sure he was in love with the teenager. He sensed the same feelings in Trunks’ ki but…then he went away after the Cell Games. It had broken Gohan’s heart.

Gohan snapped himself from those thoughts. They were frivolous and only proved to be wishful thinking. Gohan deposited his brother onto the couch, smiling slightly at the sleeping kid. Chichi entered the living room and Gohan inwardly groaned. He knew the question before it was even asked. “Yes, Mom, I finished my work.”

“Good.”

“Can I go train now?”

“I don’t see why you want to. Cell is dead and there aren’t going to be anymore threats to the planet.”

“Because it keeps me from being bored! I’m going to Vegeta’s.”

“Vegeta?! Oh no you don’t Gohan.”

“Why the hell not?!”

“Watch your language and don’t raise your voice to me! Vegeta is a blood thirsty killer. He is a bad influence.”

“Whatever. I’m going no matter what you say and you can’t stop me.”

“What would your father say Gohan?! To know that you are disobeying your mother.”

That was it. The last string unravelled. Brown eyes flashed teal, black hair streaked golden. Chichi stepped back, shocked at the aura of red ki covering her son. She had seen it before, in Vegeta and it wasn’t good. Gohan glared at Chichi. “Don’t you think I know?! Dad is dead! He is never coming back!!! Get that through your fucking head and quit talking about him like he will be! You’re delusional…and I can’t stay here…” Gohan powered down. “I can’t,” he whispered, turning from the room and leaving the house. Chichi blinked, not comprehending that she may have lost her oldest son.



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