What happens when two reckless writers mix Disney’s Aladdin and Dragon Ball Z. ^_^
This story is a collaboration with Lord Truhan who provided the idea, helped with the plot and betaread it.
Chapter 01: Prologue
Android 18 cursed for what seemed like the millionth time that day, hearing the children in another one of their loud arguments in the living room over what they all wanted to watch on TV.
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold her temper since they were only children after all, keeping the mantra in her head that Krilin would be home soon from the store, and he would know how to handle them a lot better than she did.
‘That’s the last time I ever send him out for milk when babysitting!’ She thought gruffly, standing in the kitchen and searching through the cupboards for anything that she could pass off as a snack for the little monsters to make them all shut up for five minutes
It was then that she heard the inimitable sound of one of her good knick-knacks smashing against the floor, and a little “Uh-oh” to go along with it.
The vein in her forehead almost popped.
“THAT DOES IT!!” She roared, slamming her hands on the counter and unintentionally putting a dent in it before storming into the living, the three children all standing around the broken vase and looking at it with guilty expressions.
When 18 saw which vase it was, the vein in her forehead did pop.
It had been a wedding present from her brother, one of the only gifts he’d ever given her, and it was now in pieces on the floor.
“Marron, Trunks, and Goten!” She roared, and the children all cringed before looking up at her, knowing they were in for some trouble.
Marron was the first to speak. Tears clouding up her vision. “M’sorry Mommy.” She whimpered, folding her arms against her chest and putting her little fists under her chin as if to protect herself from an attack.
Not that her mother would ever hit her, mind you.
At the sight of her daughter nearly in tears, 18 suppressed a sigh. She could never stay angered with her own child whenever she looked at her like that, and at the moment, that positively annoyed the hell out of her.
“It’s alright, sweetie.” She half cooed, half sighed, stretching her hand out for the little girl to take, glad when she did since she didn’t want her near the sharp pieces of broken ceramic. “I’ll get daddy to fix it later.”
She then turned her eyes to where Goten and Trunks were standing, still eyeing her suspiciously. “Get away from there, you two.” She called, remembering that for the moment they were her responsibility as well, and she couldn't let them get hurt.
After setting them all down on the couch, she was quick to snatch the remote from Trunks’s grasp.
“Hey!” The boy cried out, having become rather possessive of the thing and not liking how he no longer had it.
18 glared at him, not at all impressed by the Vegeta-like glare he sent back at her. “I won’t have you all arguing over something so stupid!” She scolded, her backbone coming back along with the fact that she still had to deal with their arguing. “I’m going to put something on TV and it’s going to stay there, and I don’t care if you all want to watch it or not. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am.” The three replied in unison, looking a little depressed at the thought of what an adult would pick out for them to watch.
“Good.” Was all she said, turning her ice blue eyes towards the TV as she flipped through the channels until finding something she assumed would suit their needs.
“There, watch Alatrunks.” She said, sending them all one final glare before pocketing the remote and heading back to the kitchen.
Trunks huffed. He’d been hoping that he could simply steal the remote back when 18 wasn’t looking but if she had it in her pocket then there was no way he could get away with it.
Goten and Marron bounced in their seats, happy grins plastered on their faces. “Alatrunks is the coolest movie in the world!” Goten beamed.
Trunks sent him a look of amazement. “You've got to be kidding me! Alatrunks sucks!” He replied, folding his arms in disgust.
Marron giggled. “Alatrunks is cute!”
Goten only smirked. “Well that’s tough for you, because he’s mine!” He shouted, a fist held triumphantly in the air.
“I can hear you arguing!” 18 yelled from the kitchen, sticking her head out into the doorway to send them all a warning glare.
The three went instantly quiet, all facing the TV screen with straight backs with the fear of getting into more trouble.
The previews finished playing, and the movie started.
On screen, the dry desert wind picked up grains of sand that glimmered like diamonds in the moonlight. They swirled in the air and revealed an old black and white greasy rice cooker in the sand with an old seal holding it shut. The seal suddenly broke, and the lid snapped open, freeing a large cloud of green smoke. The wind picked up, and the strange smoke rode it into the Saiyajin night until a gated city in the middle of the desert loomed in the horizon with an unnatural speed the smoke reached the city gates. Just as they are somehow pushed open, the music began. Though strangely enough, it oddly sounded like a familiar rough old voice, even a bit off key as well, and everyone cringed at the sound as it progressively grew louder.
Oh, I come from a land From a faraway place Where the caravan camels roam
Makeshift stalls littered the city streets, pressed against mud-brick buildings. There was a thin stream of foot traffic and a crash followed by several Saiyajin colorful curses. Two huge figures are pummeling at each other in a dark alley, and no one seems to care, everyone walking past as if nothing was out of place.
Where they cut off your ear If they don’t like your face It’s barbaric, but hey–it’s home!
The streets all seemed to lead to a giant marble palace which dominated the skyline. Its golden dome looking like it was trying to reach for the moon.
When the wind is at your back And the sun is from the west And the sand in the glass is right
The green smoke then races through the desert air, never stopping. It’s as if it’s looking for something…
Come on down, Stop on by Hop a cloud and fly To another Saiyajin night!
The moon seems to be watching the green smoke behind the golden dome. It slid through ally ways, main streets, under a woman’s skirt, around a stray dog’s tail, through laundry hung between lop-sided tenements… Whatever it was looking for seems hard to find.
Saiyajin nights Like Saiyajin days More often than not Are hotter than hot In a lot of good ways
There are groups of stalls in the heart of the city. They’re selling palace souvenirs for tourists and various bric-a-brac. A Saiyajin guard can be seen snoring at his post nearby, but no one seems to notice or care.
Saiyajin nights Neath Saiyajin moons A fool off his guard Could fall and fall hard Out there on the dunes.
There is one stand of the Souk that the wind seems drawn to, which catches the cameraman’s attention. There’s nothing special about the stall, except for the fact that it’s still open. The owner is smiling brightly with worn, widely spaced teeth behind red-rimmed sunglasses at a magazine in his hands. He’s weirdly clothed in yellow shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and what looks like a huge turtle shell on his back. There’s some obvious doubt in the minds of the cameramen and crew as to who it is, yet as they’re finally reaching the stand, there’s no mistaking it that it’s really Master Roshi.
Master Roshi, unaware he has a customer continues to enjoy his porn magazine. A perverted smile on his face with a few hints of a nose bleed he’d had earlier with light blood smears under his nose, and drool dripping down his chin. The cameramen all shuddered at the sounds he made, especially disgusted when he grunted out a “Who’s your daddy?” a few times. Chuckling in pleasure since for once, the woman he was speaking with could not slap him in return.
Suddenly, noticing the approach of other people out of the corner of his eye, Master Roshi whips his head up in time to see the crew, flushing a deep red under his sunglasses at the sight of them, he throws the porn magazine he’s been reading over his shoulder, breaking something on impact and causing a dog to yelp sharply in pain.
“Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend. Please, please, come closer,” Said Master Roshi before the camera zoomed in, roughly smacking him in the face. “Ouch… not that close you moron!!” He screamed in a rage, waving his fists around threateningly.
The cameraman scared by the old man’s wrath zoomed back out to CU hastily, which unfortunately for them seemed to do nothing to calm down the several hundred year old fighter enough to not want to hurt anyone.
Still angered, Master Roshi stomped forward, causing the camera crew to back up in fear. Knowing that while he might look like a feeble old man, he could probably snap them in half with little to no effort at all.
“I’ll get you for that you no good hooligans!” He roared furiously.
Still backing away from the old fighter, desperately looking for a way to escape, one member of the camera crew bumped into another small shop. Turning around to find that it sold used panties for cheap, he quickly reached in and grabbed a pair before throwing them at the old fighter.
They hit the old man in the face, but instead of becoming even more angered like some of the bystanders were expecting, he almost seemed to melt into a puddle of goo before lovingly cooing, cuddling and sniffing the pink panties in his hands. Little hearts appearing around his head, and the cameramen all did violent face-vaults.
Thankful that he’d now appeared to be calm once again, the cameraman quickly paid for the panties he’d taken from the shop owner before approaching again the now happy Master Roshi.
Taking one more quick sniff of the item in his hands, Master Roshi’s attention quickly went back to the people before him as he pocketed his new treasure. Rubbing at his nose to relieve the soreness that was there due to how hard he’d stuck the panties in his face before plastering a smile to his face. “Well then, welcome to Truhania!” He greeted happily before taking on a mysterious tone of voice. “City of mystery, of enchantment, and the finest merchandise this side of the river Yaoi, on sale today, come on down!” Proudly announces Master Roshi. Then pursuing his sales pitch : “Heh, heh, look at this! Yes! It’s the famous Nyoibô rod! Once belonged to the Legendary Monkey King Himself! It has many fine uses worthy of purchase.” To prove his words he held out the red staff in his hands, a look of confidence on his face. “Extend!” He cried out, not paying much attention to where he was aiming, and the staff knocked over and destroyed another salesman’s tent off in the distance.
Master Roshi paled at the sight. “It… broke them… Ooohhh! Look at this!” He declared, vainly trying to save face as he tried to innocently hide the now shortened staff within his own tent before anyone could notice what he’d done, and pulled out what looked to be an old round metal object with a button on the head, covering the spots held together with glue with his hand. “I have never seen one of these intact before. This is a true Dragon Ball Radar. Listen,” He commands before pressing the button, trying to inconspicuously make a few beeping sounds with his mouth, soon going into a fit of coughing before adding a nervous, yet proud: “Ah, still good”.
The cameramen, shaking their heads in disgust, tried to leave, but Master Roshi hurried to catch them. “Wait, don’t go! I can see that you’re only interested in the exceptionally rare.” He said with a smirk, rubbing his hands together greedily. “I think then, you would be most rewarded to consider… this!” Master Roshi breathed as mysteriously as he could, yet failing with the trouble he seemed to be having when pulling out an ugly, black and white rice cooker out below a table, hidden by a ratty looking table cloth, still praising. “Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance.” He said, actually breaking out in a sweat with how heavy the thing was. “Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that count.” He said, opening the lid ever so slightly to have a look inside.
Starting to grow tired by the definitely senile man’s divination the camera crew discreetly tried to sneak off, but unfortunately, once again miserably fail to take the old codger’s acute agility into account.
“This is no ordinary rice cooker I tell you!” Master Roshi insisted angrily, putting the rice cooker down to give his poor arms a break. “It once changed the course of a young man’s life. A young man who like this rice cooker was more than what he seemed.” He explained, taking a step closer to whisper the next part to them, as if it were some priceless secret. “A diamond in the rough… Perhaps you would like to hear the tale?”
Suddenly curious, and even a bit interested, the cameramen nodded their heads in agreement. Thinking that perhaps he wasn't as foolish as he seemed.
Thus Master Roshi dipped his hand into the open cooker, and pulled out a handful of shiny sand from the rice cooker, and begins his story on a mysterious tone. “It begins on a dark night!” He threw sand into the sky, where it formed into a starry nightscape, then continued: “Where a dark man awaits… with a dark purpose.”
The scene changes back to the desert, and on the nearest dune Vegeta is seen sitting on a strong black gelding with a parrot on his shoulder. Vegeta seems to be scanning the horizon. Then a smirk appears on his face as in the distance he recognizes a short, fat, frog-like creature, who’s riding up to him.
“You… are late.” Icily stated Vegeta, not a man known for his patience and angered with the delay.
“A thousand apologies, O’ patient one” Guldo replied, visibly unfazed by Vegeta’s deadly tone, and more annoyed with it than anything.
After all the trouble he went through to perform the errand he was sent out for, he would have thought a little gratitude would be in order.
Vegeta was at first surprised by Guldo’s unusual self confidence until he found out why. “You have it, then?” He asked greedily.
Guldo smiled evilly. “I had to slit a few throats, but I got it.” He proudly announced while pulling out half of a dragon medallion for him to see.
Vegeta immediately reached out for it, but Guldo yanked it back before taunting him with a wave of his finger. “Ah, ah, ahhh! The treasure first!”
Unfortunately for Guldo, Vegeta’s parrot squawked loudly as he flew by, snatching the medallion from his grasp before he even realized what had happened.
“Trust me, my pungent friend,” Vegeta insulted him with a smile. “You’ll get what’s coming to you.” He declared with a malicious smirk.
“What’s coming to you! Awk!” Repeated Vegeta’s parrot from his shoulder.
At that time, Vegeta pulled out the second half of the medallion. And as he slowly connected them, the small dragon medallion began to glow, suddenly coming to life in his very hands and furiously flapping its tiny, yet powerful wings. Finally, it flew out of Vegeta’s reach, scaring the horses before it flew off towards the dunes.
“Quickly! Follow the trail !” Ordered an excited Vegeta, pointing the way as he kicked his horse in the sides to make the animal run, not wanting to lose his chance so soon after getting it.
They all rode off, following the glowing speck of light for what seemed like an eternity until it reached a rather large dune in particular. That was when it separated into two halves once again, and the pieces plunged into the dune. All that remained was two red glowing points of light on the dune, but then it begun to rise up, transforming into a giant dragon’s head, with the glowing points serving as the eyes.
Vegeta could only stare at it in awe, hardly able to believe what he was seeing. “At last, after all my years of searching, the cave of wonders!” Let slip an overjoyed Vegeta, too happy to even care about how he looked in front of the ugly toad creature.
“Awk! Cave of wonders!” Repeated Vegeta’s parrot.
“Kami-sama!” Was all Guldo managed to say, being left almost speechless by Shenron’s ferocious look.
“Now, remember!” Vegeta started, remembering why he was there and getting back to business. “Bring me the rice cooker. The rest of the treasure is yours, but the rice cooker is mine!” He warned dangerously.
After hesitating for only a moment, mainly to think about why he would be mad enough to forfeit all that treasure for a stupid rice cooker, Guldo started to approach the dragon’s mouth, which appeared to act as the entrance to the cave. He chuckled as he finally went.
“Awk, the cooker! Awk, the cooker!” Vegeta’s parrot squawked, as if to remind him.
Once Vegeta was alone however, his parrot opened up in Oolong’s voice, suddenly sounding much smarter then only a few seconds before, and even a little annoyed. “Jeez, where’d ya dig this bozo up?” He asked, scowling as he jerked a feathered thumb in the direction of their latest pawn.
Vegeta put his finger to his lips, gently shushing Oolong as Guldo finally reached the cave, but was blown away by the roar of the cave’s speaking.
“Who disturbs my slumber?” Shenron asked sleepily, though, with his size, it didn’t seem too sleepy at all.
“I-it is I, Guldo, a humble thief.” Replied a more and more scared Guldo, deciding to suck up for all he was worth and bow down to the creature before him.
Shenron seemed unimpressed. “Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.” The dragon roared out the warning, but Guldo didn’t understand.
He turned to Vegeta with a questioning look that screamed –do you understand what that means?–
“What are you waiting for? Go on!” Vegeta encouraged him with a sneer, ignoring the questioning look.
He wasn't about to miss out on his chance because that stupid thief decided to turn into a coward at the last minute.
Guldo hesitated again for a while not sure if he could trust Vegeta for much longer, but then, deciding that he had nothing to lose, moved one foot inside the cave. With great apprehension, he planted his foot down on the stair firmly. Seeing that nothing happened, Guldo felt incredibly relieved, he begun his trek in a more confident pace.
That’s when another roar came, sending the toad’s heart into his throat with fear. Guldo tried to turn back, but Shenron’s mouth mercilessly slammed shut on him, and the dune collapsed back to normal.
When the dust settled, all that was left were Vegeta, Oolong, and the two separated halves of the dragon medallion.
“Seek thee out, the diamond in the rough.” Added Shenron’s voice one last time, echoing into nothingness.
Oolong unburied himself from the sand, coughing as he transformed back into his normally pig self. “I can’t believe it. I just don’t believe it. We’re never gonna get a hold of that stupid rice cooker! Just forget it. Look at this. Look at this. I’m so ticked off that I’m sweating!” He complained loudly before jumping on Vegeta’s horse.
“Patience, Oolong, Patience. Guldo was obviously less than worthy.” Vegeta replied, trying to calm his noisy friend.
“Oh, there’s a big surprise. That’s an incred–I think I’m gonna have a heart attack and die from not surprise!” Overbid Oolong in an extremely sarcastic tone. “What’re we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big prob…” But Vegeta cut anymore complaint by pinching his snout shut.
“Yes, we do.” He said, hoping to shut the animal up. “Only one may enter.” He mused aloud, trying to come up with a plan that would get him what he desired. “I must find this one, this… diamond in the rough.” Darkly affirmed Vegeta, an idea already in mind.
And he smiled wickedly.
Illustration(s) for this story by various artist(s)
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