Crazy Monkey Sex
by Card     More by this Writer
Goku is a typical idiot with dreams of being a stripper.
Vegeta could care less about anything.
Trunks is a Seme with a dry sense of humor, and Goten just wants sex from him.

Crazy Monkey Sex
Bra's eyes were huge. Large enough that he could see the outside rim of the actual eyeball and her little mouth was dropped open in a perfect O shape. When he stopped talking she spent a moment to catch up to the end of the story and then smacked him and said: "More!"

This was why he should not tell children bedtime stories.

Goten sighed. "Fine, fine. So once upon a time in a forest..."

"What's a forest?"

"Its a bunch of trees. Now be quiet. Once upon a time in a forest there was a little girl..."

"Did she have blue hair?"

"Bra, let me tell the story. Once upon a time in a forest there was a little girl who had a sick grandma that lived all the way on the other side of the forest. And her mother decided that it would be a great idea if she sent her ONLY child out into the woods with cookies for her sick diabetic grandmother."

"What's diabetic?"

Goten ignored her this time. "To help get her daughter eaten by wild animals, this brilliant mother dressed her daughter in a bright red cloak and called her 'Little Redcome eat me I'm tastyRiding hood.'"

Bra was giving him a suspicious look.

"Before Little Red left her house her mother sprinkled salt and pepper on her head and gave her a batch of meat-flavored cookies."

"Goten," Bra said. "You're not telling it right!"

"Really?"

"Trunks told me that little red riding hood was a Boy. And that his mother made him dress like a girl because she was a crazed and delusional person and that when SHE went into the forest the wolf wasn't really a wolf he was a psychiatrist and he was trying to help."

"Well, Trunks is wrong. The wolf ate little red riding hood, pretended to be her to get the grandma to open her door and then ate the grandma and died from indigestion."

"No no no!" Bra screeched. "The wolf prescribed medicine for little red riding hood and it made her crazy so she chopped her grandma up with a AX!"

"Fine, however you want to believe it happened."

He patted her on the head and she tried to bite him. (Pretty standard.) Then she flopped back into her bed, pulled the blanket over her face and pretended to be asleep so he would leave her alone. Which was the idea since he came over here to see Trunks, not his annoying little sister.

He found Trunks in his bedroom (real shock there) laying on his bed half-naked (and the evening was off to a promising start) sleeping. So he picked up the plastic puke (a gift from him to Trunks when Trunks was eleven) and smacked it against his tanned boyfriend's bare stomach. Made a nice bleching, vomitting noise.
Trunks jumped up and yelled, swiped his hand at the plastic puke and jumped off his bed, with the most interesting disgusted look on his face.

"Goten!"

He blinked innocently. "Spank me please," he half turned and wiggled his butt at Trunks. "I want it."

Trunks gave him that 'I can't believe I like you as much as I do' look just seconds before he vaulted over his bed, grabbed Goten by the hair, shoved him into the ground and sat backwards on his shoulders so he could yank down Goten's pants far enough to smack him.

"Hey!" Goten shouted and bucked under Trunks.

"You wanted it," was the dead calm reply followed by a rather stinging slap to his bare ass. And then another one and Trunks sort of sighed and half turned to look down at him.

"You are really pale, Goten."

"Not all of us get to go on cruises and improve our tan lines, Trunks."

"I don't have tan lines."

Ooo? The lovely tanned color of Trunks skin covered all of him, not just the parts that he liked to tease Goten with?

"Trunks," he whined. "Let me up."

"I have to finish spanking you first."
~~~***
"Does this donut make me look fat?"

Vegeta would have just turned around then and walked away. Really. He would have. He probably should have. It would have been the best idea. But the woman that he wasn't involved with anymore (Bulma decided this not him) sent him out here to find Kakarot and would not allow him access to the house, the food, the kids or the GR until he figured out why Kakarot was hiding from them.

"What the hell?" he demanded.

"Well look," and Kakarot stood up and held the donut. Motioned at his body like he had somehow managed to pack on pounds just from holding the pastry.

"Does it make me look fat?"

Walking away would be such a good idea.

The moron sighed and sat down. Looked at the donut like it was his final hope in the world and then ate it. Licked his lips clean with a single-minded purpose and then sat back in his chair and looked at Vegeta. Licked his lips again and sighed.

"What?" Vegeta said.

"Well...I know this may sound weird, but I'm homogenous. Chichi told me so."

Oh, if only he walked away. He was a saiyan, he could feed himself. The kid was already grown up enough to take care of himself (and Bra was definitely her mother's child.) He didn't really need the GR or a place to sleep.

"Kakarot," he said slowly. "It's not homogenous. It's homosexual."

Kakarot blinked at him. Then a big grin crossed his face. "You said sex."

"And?"

"It sounds better when you say it."
Oh?

"Say it again."

"I do not take orders for a third class moron with powdered sugar on his nose!" And he probably shouldn't have said that because the moron crossed his eyes looking down at his nose and then made a happy little noise and licked the sugar off his nose.

"Okay," Kakarot said. "Now say it."
~~~***
"Wow, Trunks," Goten said pointing at the 8-foot poll the owner had erected outside the otherwise indistinguishable resturant.

"Think he's got size issues?" He scratched his head and stared up at the pole.

"It's shiny!"

"Goten..."

"What?"

"Stop staring at the pole."

"Isn't that what you said when I gave you your first blow job?"

And his boyfriend gave him the most evil smirk in the whole of the universe. Walked up to pole and ran his fingers over it. Shivered like a crazed and delusional person and stroked the pole in a more than friendly sort of way.

"Its just so big..."

"And that," he said, grabbing Goten by the arm and pulling him toward the resturant and away from the pole. "Is what you said to me the first time Oh, hi kids."

A swarm of first graders flooded out of the resturant with their parents running behind them to catch up. Much screaming was had.

"Yet another great reason to be gay."

"Shut up before I spank you again."

"Would you please?"
~~~***
"I'm not saying it again."

Vegeta was being stubborn. He liked to be stubborn when he thought that he was right about something but more important than that, he liked to be stubborn-er when he knew that he wanted to do whatever it was that Goku said but realized if he did that would make him look like an idiot and therefore he wasn't going to do it because he didn't want to look like an idiot.

Goku knew the cure for this problem. "Okay." he said. "We'll fight for it. If I win you have to say sex as many times as I want."

And that was fair warning the only warning that Vegeta got before Goku knocked into him and shoved him away from the picnic table and out into the open flatness of the park. Vegeta growled at him, Goku ignored it.

And they started to fight. It wasn't really that difficult of a fight to win. Goku had lots of sugar in his system and Vegeta wasn't putting a great deal of effort into it. All it took was one well-placed kick and Vegeta was flying into the cacti patch. Vegeta crashed into the cacti. Vegeta vowed to kill him in a rather loud voice, crawled his way out of the catci patch with ripped and bloody clothing and enough cacti spines in his skin to make him look like a porcupine.

"I won," Goku said happily.
~~~***
"So I like eating dung-beetles...whats it to you."

Oolong was giving them this look like he was some tough pig, sitting across from some other pig (who they were assuming was girl pig.)

"I think I just figured out why Oolong's still a virgin," Goten said.
"Oh, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he spends all day with Master Roshi?"

Goten shrugged. "I'm not hungry anymore." And he swiped the fortune cookie off the plate of dung beetles that Ooolong was choking down and cracked it up. Pulled out the little ribbon of paper.

"You are an ugly mammal."

Trunks cracked the one that the girl pig handed to him (she seemed offended about being called a mammal and was getting up to leave. Oolong spit out half of the dung beetle he had been trying not to eat and ran after her.

"Everything will be alright...eventually."

"What kind of pig eats dung beetles on the first date?" Goten shook his head in disgust and sighed.

"So, we've been a nice resturant can we go find a bed and have crazy monkey sex now?"

"Goten," he admonished.v

"You didn't say we had to eat at the resturant. And besides if you do your job right we'll just be hungry after we're done anyway. So..."

"You've got a point there."

"I've also got an ass that has been in desperate need of you for the past two months." Goten grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him out of the resturant.
~~~***
Vegeta attemptedwith very little successto think of something that was more of a disaster than laying on his stomach on the moron's bed in the moron's house (not the one with the moron's wife) while he had cactus spines removed from his ass. Especially since the moron himself was the one plucking them out and his idea of disinfecting involved (of all things) his tongue. Every little inch of his skin that had a spine removed from it was treated to a tongue bath.

As if licking his ass was normal.

"You know what I always wanted to be?" Kakarot asked between plucking a spine and licking the little well of blood that came out of his skin.

No. And he didn't care.

"A pig farmer."

Joy.
~~~***
Goten whimpered. It was without a shadow of a doubt the thing about him that was absolutely the single most sexual thing he did. He whimpered. And he made that little sound, so low in his throat, filled with need and want and urging him on without saying a word until all he could really think about was the sound of that little whimper and how he wanted to be fucking that sound out of Goten continously.

That sound.

He shoved Goten up against the wall and kissed him. Hard enough that he could taste blood in Goten's mouth and the hands that went arond her were fisted in his hair. One of Goten's legs lifted and rubbing up and down against his outer thigh. The sound of that whimper that drove him to distraction and he shoved Goten harder against the wall, clawed at his clothes, moving his hand down into his pants to wrap around him as he hardened and the other moved behind his back, holding him in place against Trunks as he worked his hips in tight circles, humping against Goten.

That sound, that whimper, and Goten tipped his head back, mouth pliant under his, body lax and shivering as he wiggled against the hand that was stroking his hardness. Leg pressing harder against Trunks' thigh and the other was shaking like it wanted to lift up too.

"Trunks," Goten whined, breathy exhale that puffed against his mouth and he jerked harder against him as a reflex.

"If we're going to fuck out here" Goten's hands were in his pants now, kneading his ass as he pulled him closer and ground their erections together.

"I thought you wanted a bed."

The conversation was forgotten, the whimper was sounded and Goten hissed as he moved his hips in a solid rhythm against Trunks' hand. He wriggled against the wall and pushed Trunks pants down so he was free and the fingers wrapped around him. Hot and sweaty and he thrust into the hold on him. Retook Goten's panting, whining mouth and pressed his free hand against the wall to keep from crushing his boyfriend.
~~~***
"Oh. You know what I've always wanted to be?"

Oh, this sounded familiar. He considered killing himself. Something like what happened while he was Majin, a nice turning-to-dust death but really, in the end, he was getting a tongue bath from his mortal enemy.

Things could be worse. "What?"

"A stripper."

That was not what he was expecting.

"I don't like to wear clothes. And they get paid to not where clothes. So I could get paid just for being naked."

That was disturbingly solid logic. He turned on his side (since he was now de-spined.) And looked at Kakarot who was sitting on his knees next to the bed, slightly dreamy look in his eyes while he stroked the clothed space between his knee and his thigh subconsciously.
And he did say he was gay. And Vegeta had been denied for many years. And there was no better way to spend an evening than dominanting that annoying pest of a saiyan that always proved to be stronger.

"You couldn't be a stripper."

"Could so!"

"No."

"Yes I could...watch!"
~~~***
Goten was sucking on his neck. Deep hard sucks as Trunks drove his fingers into his boyfriends slightly bowed body and mercilessly rubbed Goten until he was almost purring. The naked white legs were around him, pulling him closer and harder.
"Come on," Goten said. Voice like a whimper.

"Do you think we'll ever make it to the room?"

"Do you think you'll ever..." He cut off the rest of Goten's question by pushing into him.

Sliding on the (as usual excessive amount of) lube that he had spent the past ten minutes applying. Heard the groan and felt the shudder and Goten clenched down around him. Bit his lip and rolled his head back against the hard wall.

"Good boy." Followed by another one of those whimpers.

He gripped his boyfriend's pale ass and held his hips away from the wall, Goten's shoulders were pressed back against it and he was watching him with half-closed black eyes. Blush on his cheeks and his hands were pulling his shirt up, running across his sweaty skin. Chest panting.

Trunks kissed him one last time, tightened his grip on the white ass and moved. Pistoned into Goten without any sort of preliminary, just the hard, fast pounding. Fucking. Smacking Goten's ass with his hips and driving up into the quivering body harder and faster. Grunting with effort and trying to ignore the whimpers he made, the fingers that dug into his skin hard enough to draw blood.

Pulled Goten back against him, driving them together so he could slide deeper. Heard Goten scratch at the wall, heard the wall crack under his hands and wrapped his arms around the thin waist, pulled them together tighter and humped up into Goten. Teeth bared as he panted for breath and moved his hips. In and out. Smooth, hot flesh so close around him and Goten's voice against his ear urging him on with the mindless whimpering. Hands in his hair and the tightening of the body against him. Wet erection against his stomach, he pounded harder. Driving them toward the peak. Mercilessly working them both until they were crying out without breath and clinging to one another to survive the rising orgasm that was making their visions spotty.

Trunks lost the rhythm. Jerked into Goten without grace, felt the hands slid down his back to his tanned ass and dig into him, holding him inside of Goten. Legs tightening around him and Goten panted deseperately for his breath. Hair sweet, damp, falling in his face. Blushing and flushed and hot everywhere.

"Goten"

The hands loosened. He shoved Goten hard against the wall, pinned his hips in place and fucked him. Snarling as he drove into him. Heard the groan, felt teeth against his neck and didn't care because he could feel the pounding throb of the orgasm as he pushed into Goten's clenching body and he came with a gutteral cry. Buried his face against the shirt that Goten was still wearing and Goten humped his stomach mindlessly until he came between them.
~~~***
"Vegeta!"

He really liked his name screamed like that. Vaguely offended. Virginally surprised. And then there was the erotic invitation. The wantonness of the way Kakarot protested but pulled him closer. Spread legs, pink thighs, red erectionand Kakarot wiggled on the bed, writhing by himself, working his hips like he was desperately needing the fuck, and Vegeta was more than willing to oblige.

"Oh," Kakarot said when Vegeta pulled his pants off. "Oh." Eyes rounded and wide. "You're...huge!"

Oh, wasn't that cute. He crawled on the bed between Kakarot's spread thighs and heard the little squeak of shock and apprehension from his new-found bedmate.

"You can't fit," Kakarot said. "Look at that!"
And he was indeed staring down at Vegeta. Intently.

If he had known all it took to make Kakarot afraid of him was stripping off his clothes he probably would have implemented this plan years ago. All the time he'd wasted trying to fight the bastard and all he really needed to do was throw him on the nearest available surface, inform him he was getting fucked and take off his clothes.

"Seriously," Kakarot said desperately.

Vegeta ignored him. Busied his mouth with lapping up the little puddles of sweat on his skin, heard crazed little whimpering noises while he worked but Kakarot seemed intent on the fact that he was going to be impaled.

"No," Kakarot whined. "It'll hurt!"

Vegeta sucked on his nipple, rubbed the other one with his fingers until it was pulsing and then switched. He pressed his erection against one of Kakarot's jittering thighs and moved his hips in a tight rocking.

"Ve-ge-ta!"

He sighed. Looked up at Kakarot. Saw the pitiful look on his face and pushed the moron's legs up toward his chest, watched Kakarot as he helpfully wrapped his hands around his knees and held himself bent like a piece of paper and gave him the most pathetic look. Vegeta would have cared more. Really, he would have. But he had just listened the great sermon of 'but that's gross' concerning the proper lubrication methods. Kakarot had given in then and finger-fucked himself right in front of Vegeta until he was panting like a whore and whining because he couldn't get in deep enough like he wanted.

"Kakarot," Vegeta said patiently. "Shut up."

Then he held himself at the idiot's opening, heard the little pant of breath and pushed in. Sliding on the lube and gritting his teeth as he was enveloped in the tightness and heat of Kakarot's virgin body.

The moron whimpered. Tiny little girly whimpers.

Vegeta sank in all the way, felt how he was stretching Kakarot's body and panted for his own breath as the muscles contracted around him in a rhythm motion, like milking him. Until he was shuddering everywhere and struggling just to keep still.

"Vegeta," Goku whined. "You're too big."

He was wiggling again, everywhere. Trying to get away from him or get closer or something. Just wiggling until Vegeta grabbed him by the waist, pulled him down just a fraction more so he was in as far as he could go (in their current position) and then he moved. Slow, easy, shallow thrusts. Opening Kakarot up, loosening him and allowing him time to whine about things. Until Kakarot shivered with every movement and he wasn't whining anymore. Head throw back, mouth open, neck flushed.

And then Vegeta moved. Pulling almost entirely out and them thrusting back in, fucking Kakarot in a animal, almost brutal way and loving the sound of the exclamations that he made. Senseless little noises as the baka fisted his hands in his own hair and rocked his head back and forth mindlessly. Hips rolling back, legs spread open and his whole body moved with the thrusts, jerking back to meet Vegeta.
And he'd wasted so much time hating the bastard.

"Vegeta," Kakarot moaned breathlessly. "You're not in all the way."
And another whine.
~~~***
"We'd like a room, please."

Goten poked him on the shoulder. "One with a kitchen."

"Do you have one with a kitchen?"

And they had a room. Dropped their clothes at the door (but not the lube) pulled the curtains down (only because Goten wasn't feeling as exhibitionistic as before) and kissed, stumbled and grounded their way over to the bed. Fell on it with Goten trapped under him, between his knees, mouth open, allowing Trunks to fuck him with his tongue as he stiffened into another throbbing hardness and Goten pulled his legs up from between Trunks' and slipped his relubed fingers back into his body. Hissed.

"Are you sure you want to do this again?" Trunks asked.

"Stupid question."

Yes. It was. Goten finished the lube and rolled onto his stomach, curled his legs under and rested on his knees, wiggled his ass (that was still pink with Trunks' hand marks.)

"Well?" was the prompt.

Trunks leaned over him, hand on the wall and the other around his erection. Held himself in place and then slid in. Back into Goten, back to the whimpers. Back to the mindlessly motion of fucking that rocked the bed hard against the wall and filled the room with the flesh sounds of hips smacking ass. His hand cracking the plaster on the wall and Goten rolling his head back and forth against his shuolders. Breathless whimpers.

Mindless motion of his hips. Mindless fucking. One arm around Goten's waist, feeling the tighening of his muscles as Trunks drove himself to the second climax without much work. Feeding off the relaxed ecstasy of his first orgasm and just listening to his boyfriends whimpering urges.

"Trunks," was the whimper. "Fuck harder."
~~~***
Kakarot buried his face in the bed. Spread knees slipped on the slick floor and Vegeta was fucking him up against the bed, bent over the bed actually. Clawing at his back for a handhold as his entire existence narrowed down to the almost painful clench of Kakarot's body around him.

Sweaty black hair that's all he could see of Kakarot. Long back, sweaty and pink from the scratches that ran down it and his head was shaking back and forth. Whines. Whimpers. Hips pumping back against his, pulling him deeper into Kakarot's body.
Until he felt the orgasm and he pulled out, shivered with the sudden cold of the room and heard the impossible whine as Kakarot jerked and turned, faced him in a second and shoved him down on the floor.

"Why'd you stop?!"

"You don't want me to come in you."

Kakarot gave him a look like he was a moron, wrapped his big hand around Vegeta and shoved his hips down so Vegeta was inside of him again. Face contorted in the most beautiful look of need and pleasure and want...

"Yes," was the breathless reply. "I do."

He leaned down, palms flat on the floor and fucked his hips against Vegeta's. Insistent, hard, long strokes of his body around Vegeta. Ignored him when he started to shake and gasp and Kakarot kept moving on him until he groaned, bit his lip and filled the moron with his hot release.

"Mmmm," was the whimper.
~~~***
Goten felt himself being turned on his back, only a little though. His erection was still pulsing with need, and he could feel the slick, sticky wetness rolling down on his thighs. Trunks was finished again and he was desperate for whatever friction he could get. Whined when he was held down by his boyfriend's body and humped the air purposelessly.

"Hold still," Trunks commanded.

He tried. And felt the mouth around him, almost screamed in thankful shock and curled his hand in the sweaty, messy purple hair. Waited just a second while Trunks adjusted his body and then moved his hips. Pumped them against the tanned face and felt it as he slid down in Trunks' throat, felt the constriction of muscles around him. Threw his head back and screamed his boyfriend's name as he drove deep into his mouth and washed his orgasm down Trunks' throat.
~~~***
"Hurts," Kakarot moaned.

He wouldn't let him slide out, held him against the floor and nestled in his body. But his erection was monstrous now and painful and he shook his head back and forth and covered his face with his hands while he jerked against nothing trying to get to the climax.

Pitiful sight really.

Vegeta licked his sweaty palm (both of them) and wrapped his hands around Kakarot. Heard the gasp, felt the shudder and held on as his hands were fucked mindlessly. Felt himself slip out of Kakarot's body and listened to the grunts of effort as Kakarot worked himself to orgasm.
~~~***
"See," Goten said happily. "Now I'm hungry."

"Good for you."
~~~***
"I like this homogenous thing!" Kakarot said happily. He was laying on his back next to Vegeta, staring up at the ceiling with the stupidest grin on his face.

"It's homosexual dumbass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***
Vegeta: *grin*
Trunks: *grin*
Goten: Woo-hoo, I got head!
Goku: *sniffle* My ass hurts now.
Everyone else: *doesn't care*

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