Fallen
by Demi en     More by this Writer
A brief poetic songfic of Gohan’s thoughts and feelings just after the Cell Saga.

You can interpret this story in many different ways – it’s quite open-ended…
Song Used: Evanescence – Whisper

Catch me as I fall

I need…you. I fall…again, alone. Rescue me – save my soul. I’m so afraid…Afraid of the void. I’m so tired…I feel sleepy. I wonder if I have ever felt anything…

Say you’re here and it’s all over now

Touch my hand, bright angel – bring me back to the light. Make me live. Let me love…

Speaking to the atmosphere

I’ve lived in a dream for about all my life. All my life… An endless, fucking dream… Always surrounded by others. Ignorant, irrelevant people, living their worthless lives – being sad, being happy. Living, I’m just alone. Never realized it before. Always knew it.

No one’s here and I fall into myself

I had been waiting for you since forever. I caught a glimpse. It was only a dream…Your presence. Always there. To drive the evil spirits away. What a damned lie…You left…or you are still here? Hiding, maybe. Damned lies…You are gone. Never mine. You were always gone.

This truth drives me into madness

And so I scream to shatter the infinite emptiness. All is grey and cold…I can’t hear their voices anymore…Tired, cry, scream, whine and laugh. I wanted to feel…No use. No more. I’m so bored.

I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

They are still there, calling me back. If I wasn’t so tired… I would laugh at their faces. Don’t bother…It hurts…Don’t breath…So much…Don’t react…If only…Don’t live…It could stop. No more will…

***

Don’t turn away

You can’t stop me.

Don’t give in to the pain

You have no clue.

Don’t try to hide

You don’t understand.

Though they’re screaming your name

Stop it.

Don’t close your eyes

Let me go.

God knows what lies behind them

I’ve already built my hell.

Don’t turn out the light

Let me rest in the darkness.

Never sleep, never die

Never sleep, never dream – never again…Just let me die!

***

I’m frightened by what I see

What is wrong? I can see again…Why are you staring at me? You promised that I would never be afraid again.

But somehow I know that there’s much more to come

I don’t want this. Did I ask for it? I cannot stop it – was it meant to be?

Immobilized by my fear

I am small again. Why should it never end? I can only watch…Is that what my life was?

And soon to be blinded by tears

I will be strong. Does it matter? He would never let me fall. Had it ever mattered?

I can stop the pain if I will it all away

He could see the hope. Is there any? He told me that I could change my fate, if I tried. Do I even want to?

***

Don’t turn away

It’s already late…

Don’t give in to the pain

I’m sorry, I tried…

Don’t try to hide

I’m so afraid…

Though they’re screaming your name

They are close now…

Don’t close your eyes

I don’t want to watch…

God knows what lies behind them

Hell is too cold…

Don’t turn out the light

I’ve lost the hope…

Never sleep, never die

I’ll never wake up again – never again…

***

Fallen angels at my feet

Broken bodies, broken hearts. I killed them. I deserve it…Have I hurt him as well? No, not my lost angel…How can I stand it?

Whispered voices at my ear

They know everything. They hunt my damned soul. Do I have one? The shadows are everywhere. Everything I thought, everything I did. They say that it was a lie. No, it was only a dream…

Death before my eyes

Everyone who mattered is dead. I can see the memory of their blood on me. The memory of my tears washes over me. Shadows…The pain I’ve caused. The death I offered. Nothing forgiven. And then…his death. I can only watch. I could never do more. The day my angel fell…

Lying next to me I fear

I am still afraid, bathed in the crimson essence of life, now dark and cold. And dead, as I was – as I am. Almost, too close, now…

She beckons me, shall I give in

I wonder…what I have to lose. My life a fleeting memory, only worth a moment that ended before it had begun…I almost feel sorry. The girl waits. I don’t want to wonder anymore…What would have happened if my angel…If the moment was to exist?

Upon my end shall I begin

She promises. I don’t care. It will be quick – it will finish. I will forget. He will leave me…I will cease to exist, maybe? Or maybe the dream will start over again? Anything. Everything. Nothing…Just end it!

Forsaking all

Can you remember?

I’ve fallen for

Can you forgive?

I rise

Fallen…

To meet

Lost…

“No!”

The end.

Comments

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