Isn't Life Grand?
by Felix McKraken     More by this Writer
Goku and Vegeta share a moment of comfort within Buu's head.

Dedicated to Nashi. With special thanks to Ashes. ^_^
A/N: Ghetto on purpose! 8D

*****

Being inside Buu is like being in a nightmare. All these slimy gross things mucking about trying to either make me smell just as disgusting as them or get stains on my clothes. I truly, truly, despise Majin Buu. Kakkarot hasn't been much help, either. Being fused with him was not just awkward, but humiliating, but I now understand why he is such a good fighter. Yes, he fights exceedingly well, but if it wasn't for my skill and cunning, he would get nowhere in this place. Almost died more times than I can count...

I turn a corner and something catches my eye. This place looks different, and there seems to be figures trapped in some type of membrane. "Kakkarot, this way!" I point the direction before heading off towards it myself. The green offsets the dreariness of this place, and I hope for the best.

"It's Piccolo!" Kakkarot shouts happily.

"Don't just stand there," I say, folding my arms, "Make sure he's alive." There's no way I'm touching that Namek. I've had to touch enough nastiness for one day. Thank god I wear gloves. Kakkarot feels his face, a look of concentration overcoming his features. Suddenly, he brightens.

"Yes, he's fine!" he looks someplace over my shoulder, "Look, Vegeta!" I look, and am not as surprised as he is. "Gohan! Goten! Trunks! They're all here!" he cries out with joy. There's not too much enthusiasm in predictability for me, but whatever works for him is fine, so long as he doesn't keep repeating the obvious like he's done so before. We cut our allies, our families, free. "What's that?" he asks suddenly, confusion written all over him.

I remember that face well. It was the last face I saw before I died. We approach the chubby pink wrapped in what looks to be dark flame-broiled pink grossness. God, I hate Buu. "I thought there was only one Buu," he says, still looking perplexed. He glances at me, "Shall we read his mind?" I step forward, deciding that perhaps this mystery should be solved.

He threw a hissy fit, expelled another version of himself, tried to turn him into chocolate and got a dose of his own medicine. Then he ate himself. GodDAMNIT, I hate Buu so much! What kind of loser has problems like these? How immature! It nearly sickens me as much as those worms. The thought of them nearly brings a sour look to my face, but I resist. I cannot allow myself to look weak in front of Kakkarot.

We start discussing our ability to destroy this ugly thing when he has to bring up a suggestion.

"There's a way for us to still beat Majin Buu!" he says, almost smirking.

"No!" I instantly respond.

"But you haven't even heard the idea yet!" he pouts.

"Let me guess," I roll my eyes, "It begins with a "F" and ends with a "N". Am I right?" What does he take me for? Stupid? We were Vegito, I know how his mind works. His idea has potential, but never in a million years would I be caught dead fusing with him again, nor with anyone. Fusion is just embarrassment, except with some letters interchanged. I try to steer the direction of the conversation into the aspect of fighting Buu when the time comes, but he's pretty intent on this whole fusion business.

"Why not? This version isn't permanent!"

"I'm not doing that stupid dance!"

"Is that all your worried about!?"

"I'm a warrior, not a ballet dancer!"

Then, we hear Buu's stupid laugh. I hate that laugh so much. My laugh was so cool when I was Vegito. Damn Buu. Damn him!

There to our side, it's him, Buu, as I've never seen him before. Fine, let us fight, anything to make the cry baby shut up. Kakkarot, I know, doesn't exactly care, but I could never handle being laughed at. Kakkarot obviously doesn't know the pain of that humiliation. Damn bastard.

Kakkarot tries to blow a hole in Buu's head, and is unsuccessful. He's been acting different since the tournament. More sure of himself. Almost cocky. It must be the Saijin in him.

"You shouldn't have crushed the earring!" he complains, "Now we can't fuse again!"

Buu grins at us like an idiot, so in essence, like Kakkarot, "So you can't fuse now, huh?"

"Anything ELSE you'd like to share with him, Kakkarot!?" I berate back at him. It's reasons like this that we're stuck inside of some sugar food junkie's head. "Maybe your life story!?" I suggest.

We've done it once, and I can endure it again – I will fight beside him. It's a bit degrading, but I wouldn't like to die again. Come to think of it, I'd rather die than fuse with him. Kakkarot knows too much, now. I'm glad he didn't rub off on me. We have to pass Buu. Simple enough, or so I think.

I go one way, Kakkarot, another. Buu grabs each of us and cracks our heads together, and FUCK does it hurt like a bitch!! Involuntary tears well up in both of our eyes. I feel so entirely ashamed, so I mask it, pretending I don't even notice the tears. "What the hell is your head made out of!?" I scream at Kakkarot. It's so much easier to blame him for anything. He snaps out of his pain as he realizes he's not acting macho. I follow suit. Buu laughs at us. Buu laughs at me. I used to have such a cool laugh! This is all Buu's fault! Might as well direct my anger into a positive direction.

"Shut up!" I yell. I can't take this for much longer. The laughter increases and I snap, like a twig. I release a roar of frustration and power up, just to do some venting. Ok, so I'm trying to kill Buu, but since my intentions always make me look the best, I was just relieving some pent up aggression. Kakkarot manages to convince me to calm down and stay calm. We will beat Buu together. Fine, whatever, anything to make the pink prick shut up!

We fall back a good distance, and I get ready. Kakkarot gets beside me, cupping his hands horizontally, as I do mine vertically. We are cheek to cheek, and just for a moment, I realize how close we are. I realize this, and I blush. I want to get in a different position..we are so close! Why can't we just team up like we did when fighting that bastard metal concoction of Cooler? He slides in next to me, but stands a bit behind, so he can wrap his arms around to get his hands into position, but he's large enough to do so and not infringe upon our mirror stance.

This had better work, or we're dead.

"When I say "now", let's blast him!" Kakkarot glances at me for confirmation.

"No!" I reply. I'm the prince who's done military work, I'll call the shots! Low level ingrate... "When I say "now", then we go!" I nearly spit back. He agrees, nodding. And just then, seconds before shouting "now", I feel something pressing against me. It takes a second for the shock to wear off, and another for me to figure out what it is, then another second for shock, and another for recovery. I whip my head to the side, to look Kakkarot in the eye as I feel rage brewing within myself, "Kakkarot! What the hell are you doing!?" He looks at me innocently.

"What do you mean, Vegeta?" he asks, like me, forgetting about Majin Buu completely.

"This!" I hiss, bucking backwards with a great deal of force, nearly knocking him off balance, "Get your...crotch off of me!"

He looks down at the tent in his orange gi and laughs nervously, "Ah, I can't help it Vegeta! I guess it just couldn't resist with an ass as fine as yours!"

"WHAT!" I stand transfixed. Is Kakkarot really saying these things? I hope I am delusional. I hope so very much.

"Sure!" Kakkarot beams, offering me praise, "Nice and tight, great curves, firm yet plush.." He gets a sort of dark dreamy look on his face, which I don't like one bit. "Perfect proportion," he adds with a purr before groping my right buttock. I can't help it, I make some cross between a squeak and a growl.

"Hands off!" I shout, knocking the appendage away.

"But Vegeta, it looks to me like you liked that!" he defends his actions. I look down with great apprehension, and to my horror I see a bulge in my navy spandex. No! This can't be happening! ..Damn Bulma! If she had only touched me more often! "Let me help!" Kakkarot says cheerfully as he grabs my hips and kneels. I'm at a loss for words, and now isn't the time to play group "what happens if I clean it?"*. I push him away but he pulls me back with such strength I nearly fall forward. He purrs innocently, the vibrations awakening sensations in my groin that previously went unnoticed.

I blush again, "Kakkarot, lay off!" He disobeys my command and his lips nibble at my enclosed erection. I grab his hair, intending to pull him away when he sucks hard, flicking his tongue everywhere within reach. I'm losing my mind. I haven't been laid in years. Instead of yelling "Get the fuck off me!", I groan "Oh, fuck yes!". I am so eloquent.

His hands grasp the waistband of my pants, pulling down enough to free my engorged member. Kakkarot gives me a quiet wolf whistle before his hand grasps it. I nearly jerk at the contact, some noise trying to break free from my throat. His tongue begins darting over the sensitive skin and I feel all control and pride creep away from me and into some corner where they wither and die. His touches are soft, but to my under-stimulated body it doesn't matter, this is the best head I've gotten as far as I can remember. My hands twine in his hair, urging him to continue as opposed to my previous intentions. Wet heat taunts my aroused body and I try desperately to receive more of the glorious treatment, but he refuses to take me into his mouth completely. God, I'm so frustrated, I feel like I could bust a nut from this foreplay! Kakkarot draws away, making my eyes snap open. He lounges on the ground, asking, "Can't I have attention too?"

I blush as he slips down his gi, then boxers, lightly jerking his erect member. I stand stupidly above him, as if waiting for his return. "Vegeta.." he whines, his strokes full and slow, "C'mon, I did it to you a little.." I slowly kneel down between his spread thighs and he caresses me reassuringly. I smell his arousal, a sweet musky scent that seems somehow Saijin in essence. I put my hands flat on the ground on either side of him as I stare awkwardly on my hands and knees. "Just a little, Vegeta?" he nearly whimpers, "Please?"

His voice begs to me, asking for a favor. Whatever happens now, whatever the consequence, he owes me. He's in my debt.

I go down on him.

He bucks as I explore him with my tongue, light casual touches like he's done to me. He moans incessantly at each kiss, his head tossing back and forth. I want to see him writhe, I want his dependence. I want the control over him. I tease all the sensitive spots with the tip of my tongue just to hear him call my name. I'm driving him insane, I can tell. I love every second of torturing him.

"Vegeta!" he pulls me back and I raise an eyebrow. The look in his eyes makes me nervous, but not as much as his next words. "I need it now!" he growls out. To say the least, I'm too shocked to respond in the slightest. He pushes himself up and forward, knocking me to the ground.

"Kakkarot! What!" I shout in surprise as he tears the rest of our clothes off. He purrs loudly, savagely, like the Saijin that he is. He lifts my legs high, spreading me wide. Once I realize his intentions, I try to stop him. "No, Kakkarot!" I cry out, kicking and punching with what strength I can muster. His lips descend upon my chest, worshipping all the skin they come in contact with. I flimsily try to beat him away with no avail.

He pulls me close, his hardened length pressing against me once again. Kakkarot wouldn't possibly do this to me, would he? This is absolute madness!

He purrs, cupping my chin to make me look him in the eye. Promise is held in those depths, calming me. He thrusts forward, entering me. I choke for words, "G----ha---aahh! Ka-...kkarot!!" Eyes closed, face flushed with pleasure, lips parted in delight..he looks exactly opposite to how I feel. I squirm uncomfortably, his thickness causing a throbbing ache.

"It hurts?" he asks, looking concerned.

"Idiot! Of course it hurts! Let's see how you like to be impaled by a large blunt object!" I growl back.

"That's odd, it's supposed to feel good," he replies, expression now full of confusion. "How's this?" Kakkarot asks before wrapping his hand around my neglected arousal and pumping. I twitch, feeling the blood flow return to where it was depleting. "Still good?" he asks.

"Nngh," I respond with an approving sound since my vocabulary seems to be significantly hindered from the lack of blood to my brain.

"Alright!" he cheers himself on, I assume. Releasing his hold on me, he switches positions, hands cupping the back of my knees, keeping me up in the air. His purr returns, as boisterous as a jet engine, and then he pulls back only to slam into me. I can't help it, I scream.

"Good?" Kakkarot questions me as he sets a rhythm, gauging my reactions. I never would have thought that this could feel so goddamn mind-blowing, but then again, Kakkarot is always full of surprises. His pace increases, his thrusts become harder, I feel my eyes roll back into my head. Oh god..I'm losing my mind! Damn him, he's fucking me senseless!

"Oh!...god!...fuck!...god!...me!...yes!" I'm bucking back against him, drawing him deeper, listening to the sound of his moans. And suddenly he falls back, his hands on my hips, pulling me down hard as he thrusts up. Unintelligible noises are what's left of my speech as he bounces me. His movements become frantic and all I can do is ride it out.

"Vegeta, oh god! Vegeta! VEGETA!" he cries out, brutally slamming into me with enough force to nearly knock the breath out of me. He grabs my hair and leans up for a kiss, lips meshing, tongues twining. I attempt to say his name, but between my gasps, his mouth, and my general daze, it comes out nothing more than a muffle. He breaks the kiss for a scream which begins to crescendo. Oh god, yes! It has to be a miracle! I haven't had an orgasm since Trunks was conceived, this has to be a sign! Yes! Kakkarot's the one! He's going to fuck me till I can't walk right for a week! Kakkarot, do it! I don't care how stupid you are, or if you state the obvious way too often, or even if you're disgustingly innocent, so long as you make me cum hard, I don't give a damn!

His scream is like an orgasmic scream of an angel, and he pulses hot as he reaches his climax. One, two seconds later and I feel the beginning of it... Mr. Orgasm is knocking at my door and I rush to answer with wide open arms.

"KAKKAROT!!!" I'm cumming hard and long, probably from the lack of sex, but either way it feels so good I could just roll over and die in a few moments and I wouldn't even care. Kakkarot pants hard below me as I finally collapse, my entire body limp from such a ferocious quickie.

"Unn.." I groan, unable to move.

"Mmn.." Kakkarot agrees.

Then his head jolts to the side and he laughs nervously, "Oh hi Buu! I guess we kind of forgot about you." Buu just watched Kakkarot screw my brains out. How I wish I'd die.

"You..splooged in my head!" Buu complains.

"Uh, yeah, sorry about that," Kakkarot blushes.

"There's no need to apologize! God, I hate you all!"

"But Vegeta! You just got laid, how can you complain so soon??"

"Shut up, Kakkarot!"

"How can you hate him?" Buu asks me, "I thought only people in love...you know...did that..."

Kakkarot giggles and gloms me, "Vegeta's just silly! Sure you love me, don't you, Vegeta?" Damn him for being cute and innocent! "You do love me, don't you?" he gives me puppy dog eyes. Not that look...Anything but that look!!

"Sure, Kakkarot."

"Wow, that's amazing," Buu says, stunned, "You were about to die, but instead you made love. How interesting."

"That's right," Kakkarot quips, "Our love is so strong not even death can separate us. That's how strong love is!"

"Really? Maybe I was wrong about the mass murdering after all."

"Come on home with us Buu, I'll make you a cake!" Kakkarot offers. I loathe to see the day when Kakkarot cooks. We go on our merry way, taking Piccolo, Gohan, Goten, and Trunks with us. Yay, essentially our fucking saved the universe. Please, never let this get marked down in the history books.

Meanwhile, up in Heaven, Dabura danced a little German dance while saying, "I told you so!"


*Derived from the line "I was just cleaning it and it went off!".

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