Trigger Happy Jack
by Felix McKraken     More by this Writer
A goofy story about Goku kidnapping Vegeta. Based on the song by Poe.

We're sitting outside, on the shoulder of some deserted highway, and it's about this time that I ponder why I've chosen to stay on this planet. The sun beats down upon us, causing sweat to escape through the pores on our skin. His forehead glistens as well as his eyes, shining under the intense glare of the sunlight. Some of his hair is sticking to his forehead, those black spikes absorbing heat just as bad as my own dark brown locks. A gentle wind passes by, bringing a bit of coolness through and I relax just slightly, as much as I can in this situation. I turn to face the direction of the wind, to enjoy it more, and he jumps at my movement. I look at him an he glares intensly, his eyebrows scrunched together, his eyes narrowed, determined, more Saijin looking.

He scares easily
It makes him so angry
At me

He stares at me for quite some time, and I just look back, trying to act as though he isn't intimidating me. His eyes stay narrowed, but his lips upturn into a smirk, and then, a grin. My pulse quickens just slightly, wondering what it is he exactly plans on doing. He starts to slowly turn his head to the side and I just blink at him. His chin passes his shoulder, and his head keeps moving, I say nothing and do nothing as I watch him turn his head completely around, strangled noises emitting from his throat. Whether I'd admit it or not I am, to say the least, quite freaked out. In a weird sort of sense I'm completely entertained by what he's just done, especially the way he sounded so...Saijin when he did it. I nearly felt like the king, and he, the jester there to amuse me. ...Yeah, right.

And his head spins around
Just like the Exorcist and I
Find it ever so
Hard to resist his cries

After a few seconds of me not responding to his little act he's getting upset. His features harden again and he curses as colorfully as I would, yelling at me for all sorts of reasons. He waves his weapon around threateningly, as if it would matter. In all actuality however, he could kill me with that stupid gun. No matter how stong and fast I may be, I am still a mortal, and a bullet can kill me. All he needs to do is hold me still and shoot. He tells me to get down on my knees for probably various reasons, some I wouldn't like to think about at the moment. I know he wants to kill my pride, make me feel shame, make me wish that I never met him.

But there's nothing more sadistic than an infant
Waving his pistol in my face
He wants me right down on my knees
Crumbling in disgrace

But after all I have lived through I am determined not to give in under these circumstances. He must think that just because he is stronger I will bow before him. I have a strong mind in most situations, and my pride is proof of that. He's trying to break me from the inside out, but I'm pretty sure he will not suceed. Pretty sure...I can't be fully sure. Even after all I've been through, this is...messed up. He's dead, for Kami's sake! Dead! D – E – A – D! He's dead and he wants to torment me! It's not everyday you have a dead hero trying to mess with your mind, and so far he's doing a good job of it. Even though he's out of Heaven, threatening my life, he still gets to wear a halo. The intangible gold ring floating above his head to symbolize that he's a good person. I guess even good people can do some pretty strange and bad things.

But he underestimates my mind
I know he's messing with my head
My only weakness is I can't believe the guy could be entirely dead

I try to keep him from getting too upset, so I force myself to make comments on the good things he's done, and Kami help my pride, things I like about him. He eyes me suspiciously as I force myself to confess certain things, things I would never normally say or even think of. I hope that this will calm him down enough to get his brain back into working order because whatever has caused him to flip has certainly done an excellent job in keeping him in this state. I say something that gets him upset and I inwardly cringe as he screams at me, cursing like a drunk sailor, and perhaps, even worse. If we weren't in this peculiar situation, I probably would have smiled at his Saijin-like actions. And though I am slightly proud he has finally decided to accept his heritage, I wish he had not turned it against me – his own prince nonetheless! I wonder how long he'll be able to hide from the gods before they force him back into the afterlife. He'll be gone soon, no doubt, and I'll be left alone on this deserted highway.

Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being
Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being
Trigger Happy Jack
You're gonna blow
But I'm gonna get off before you go
My Trigger Happy Jack is just a drive by a go-go

After a few more minutes of his ranting he finally stops to catch his breath. And then, after a few minutes of breathing, he looks a little bit better. He turns and looks up at me, looking more Saijin now than I believe he ever has. His lips upturn into a smirk I myself would give, and at that moment he looks so much like me I find it impossible to tear my gaze away. And then I realize this is probably just a round about way of making me submit, and I am able to look elsewhere. Is he trying to impress me or have I impressed him? I'm not sure, I've never had to deal with a Saijin that has lost his mind before. Not like I even had the chance.

And after awhile he calms down
And he looks at me like a prince
But I know I better bite the bullet
'Cause it's just another one of his Jedi mind tricks

He forces me to look at him and I stare into those black irises that flash dangerously, taunting and mocking me in a way. I swallow and breathe and do nothing else as his eyes widen just enough to emphasize his current sanity level. For a moment I wish I was not here alone with him, but then, I figure it would be best that we are alone. I would hate for anyone to see me the way I am: slowly cracking on the inside. He smiles at me, undoubtingly reading my emotions which possess nervousness, some embarassment, and who knows what the hell else. Only he would ever make me feel like this. That's why I hate him.

But this ain't no headtrip honey
This is a collision on the road
And you've got me feeling oh just like a roadkill and you know deep down I know

Out of everyone I know, and out of everyone I've met, he's the only one who can enrage me so completely. The only one that makes me work so desperately hard for what should have been given to me. The only one who can ever make me feel weak. And now he's finally decided to gloat over it all. Finally decided to rub it in my face, about how much better than me he is. I don't think even I would be this bad. Even if there was two of me I don't think I could do this much damage. He undoubtingly does want to kill off my pride completely. Damn him.

Why do you make me feel like this?
Why do you gotta be such a dick?

And it's working, a bit. I can almost feel my pride leaving me, and I hate it. I hate myself for not being able to stop this. I hate myself because in some twisted way I'm proud that he can degrade me. In some demented way, I like him, I really like him. And in every other way, I seem to hate him. But that warped way that I like him doesn't allow me to hate him thoroughly. When it comes down to it – I like him, not hate him. Maybe he's finally broken me, maybe I'm loosing it just like he has. Maybe I've always felt this way. Maybe I've always loved him. And why not? He's always proving how powerful and self-sufficient he is. Maybe all this time he's been trying to get my attention. Maybe he's been trying to silently ask for my acceptance in the only way he knows how. The only way because it's the Saijin way. Maybe I hated it because he was dominant, and I didn't want to be submissive, even though I find a challenge more thrilling than just getting what I want. Yeah, maybe I've always loved him.

And I hate myself
Just enough to want him
But I hate him just enough to get off
But I understand him
Maybe I'm just crazy enough
To love him
Why not?

So I smile at him, a true smile. I forget my pride completely as I reach forward, carefully pulling the gun from his hand. Surprisingly he lets me take it, but then I remember, he can read emotions and he knows I have no hostile intent. I toss the pathetic weapon away and nod. I look at him with another smile and tell him to come back to life soon, so that I can beat him to death. He grins, understanding, somehow, that this means I miss him. Yes, I do miss him. Life is not the same without him. Even when he was gone I dared not to take his place, and not just because his son is stronger than me, but because I respect him. And love him. Now that I realize that that's what I've felt towards him everything seems to make sense. And by the looks of it, he seems to be returning the feelings, on some level or another. Which, I'm not sure. He turns to leave and looks over his shoulder, waving to me before disappearing. I stand alone on the shoulder of a deserted highway, staring blankly at the space he just occupied seconds ago. I smile again before turning around to walk home, leaving the pistol in the middle of the road.

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