Welcome to Boxer & Rice

He sat alone at a bar, thinking over the last few weeks that had made up this miserable year – that made up his kami forsaken existence. It had been pure HELL. Not just this last month, but the whole fucking year up to this point. Except for those few precious moments he spent with those he loved. They were the only two people left who seemed to actually really understand him. Oh sure, there were others who tried and there were some who did before, but they were now dead and gone – murdered by those mechanical demons. There were days he was positive that he didn’t deserve their acceptance and love. June 23rd was a perfect example of that.

Our memories
Well,they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both of you and I
I sit and cry

‘They just wanted to give you a day of peace, you ungrateful asshole.’ he thought glumly to himself. ‘Yeah, but it wasn’t the time for it. I can’t fail them too – if I do I might as well be dead, because I can’t survive without them.’

‘So, pushing them away is a better solution?’ A thought asked him.

‘If they are away, my failures won’t mean consequences for them!’ Gohan argued back. ‘She is gone because of ME! Because of MY failures and weakness! I might as well have killed her myself! I can’t – I WON’T do the same to them!! Ah fuck it, you wouldn’t understand.’

‘Well…there is that thing with Trunks…’

‘What about him?’

‘You love him.’

‘You’re drunk!’

‘No, actually you are – or on your way to it if you continue on your current course.’

‘Good. Maybe I can just forget.’ Gohan thought back as he downed another beer.

‘It’ll still be there in the morning.’

‘Yeah, but it won’t be tonight.’ Gohan countered the nagging voice in the back of his mind.

‘I think you are being hard on your self.’

‘Oh really? Let’s see…I haven’t destroyed the androids yet. I am beginning to wonder if I can. Because if I don’t, that leaves Trunks on his own if they kill me and I refuse to abandon him like that if I can help it. Two…I made a complete asshole of myself the last time I talked to him. He looked pissed and a little scared. I did something to him. Maybe it is better that I scared him – that pushes him away and keeps him safe…’

‘You love him.’

‘And you care why?’

‘Because you are beating yourself up over it.’

‘I know what a world without the androids is like, I can remember it. So can Bulma. Trunks doesn’t, he has never known anything different. I want to show that type of world to him if I can.’

‘Again – you love him…as a friend, as a brother, and the care a teacher has for his student. But you have more than that.’

‘We are not going there.’

‘Why not?’

‘BECAUSE!’

‘Because what?’

‘Fine, FINE! I love him, I want him, I need him. Hell, I even dream about him! Worse! It’s like I can’t sleep without the peace that he brings to me. I almost have to THINK about him to sleep now! HAPPY!? I want to screw a minor – without him I feel like I am nothing! Without him, my world means nothing because he and Bulma are the last things in this crazy world worth fighting for, OKAY???’ He stopped his ranting for a minute. ‘You know they are better off without me.’

‘You know that isn’t true. They would be in pain if you left them.’

‘For a little while…’

‘Not true. The kid practically worships the ground you walk on – or something.’

‘Another reason I can’t be with him. It would be too easy…’

‘Easy?’

‘To let the fire loose, and consume and destroy – I might add – both of us. I know it. Which is why I left. Well, one reason.’

‘The other? Oh well, you succeeded.’

‘I hope. What if it isn’t enough? Then these last three months would be wasted. Bulma and Trunks will be pissed at me, you know that.’

‘The other Z fighters did this all the time, didn’t they? Run off and train for unknown periods of time?’

‘I’m not Dad…If I was, I would have destroyed the androids already.’

‘You know it did work. So maybe you can, you know…’

‘I know, but would it be worth it? Could I control it once I unleash it?’ Gohan frowned in thought. It was a high risk, but if it would get the job done, maybe he had no choice.

Just as Gohan was letting himself wallow in his own misery further, he felt a force that knocked him off his chair. “TEME!!” Gohan rubbed the side of his jaw where the fist had punched him. He looked up and saw Bulma looking at him, very pissed off and for a few minutes he could swear he saw a battle aura flaring around her body.

“B-Bulma? What are you doing here?” He couldn’t help but be surprised by her presence here of all places: A) he never pictured her in a bar – she didn’t seem like the type to take to serious types of alcohol, B) said bar was at LEAST over a hundred miles from where she lived. His second thought was Bulma being here meant she risked exposure to be outside, which meant she was in danger from the androids. Unless…”Bulma? It’s not…”

Somehow she seemed to realize what he was asking. “He’s alive, no thanks to you.”

“KUSO!” He didn’t mean to, but he made the outburst anyway. Of course the boy had…”I am gonna…”

Bulma then realized her mistake. “No Gohan, he’s fine. He didn’t get into a fight with the androids.”

Gohan calmed down a little. “Then what did you mean when you said…”

“You realize he did nothing but stay in his room and sob his heart out for three weeks when you left. He thought he did something to drive you away! And now I find you here three months later! THREE MONTHS, Gohan Son! Three months of not knowing if you were alright – if the androids had killed you…I don’t know how I could face your mother if she ever came to me looking for you and I couldn’t…”

A sob broke from Gohan’s throat and she stopped. She looked at the pain and utter self-loathing in the younger man’s eyes. “Gohan? Gohan, what’s the matter?”

It’s all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are…
You and me, I can see us dying…are we?

Gohan looked at her, and just grabbed her in his arms and started crying. Bulma looked at him curiously. “Go…” Then it clicked – the words she had said. ‘I don’t know how I could face your mother if she ever came to me looking for you…’

“I’m sorry, Bulma. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t fast enough…I couldn’t stop them…’ Gohan whispered.

“Chi..” Bulma whispered, and it hit her full force. Chi-chi was dead, and Gohan blamed himself for it. That is why he was shoving her and Trunks away…”It wasn’t your fault.”

“I was a terrible son to her.” He rambled. “I could never be what she wanted. We actually fought that day, Bulma. She said we would’ve been better off if anyone else was my father than Goku. I told her that wasn’t true. She told me I was a disappointment, that I should’ve spent more time studying – and then I would have had something better to do with my time than nearly getting myself killed day in and day out…” Bulma said nothing but held him as he let it all out. (a/n: In case anyone is wondering…yes, Chi-chi was drunk and taking out all her problems on Gohan.) “She said I was turning into a muscle-brained thug with nothing better to do than pick fights, just like my father and his friend. I told her she was wrong, and she was being an ungrateful bitch after what everyone did and sacrificed to stop the andriods. She said I…wasn’t her son, and that I was a big disappointment and she never wanted to see me darken her doorway again. I told her fine and that I didn’t give a shit. I grabbed some stuff and left. Then the androids attacked somewhere near by and I went after them. I wasn’t thinking clearly and…she saved me. I don’t know how but she actually…I don’t know when, but she found a way to distract them with ki blasts. I don’t know when she learned them – I didn’t know she could do them. (a/n: Okay, this is a stretch but enraged mom, daughter of the Ox King, who did train under Roshi…You never know.) They collapsed a building around her, and I …” Bulma held him tighter and he continued…”I got her out but…her injuries…they were too much for her or something. But she looked at me…and she…she smiled. As if…she really didn’t hate me…like…she actually was proud of me. I held her until…it was over. I couldn’t save her, but I couldn’t let her die alone. I wanted to bury her near Dad, but I was afraid they would find her grave…so I buried her near Fire Mountain instead. I did find a keep sake of Dad’s she kept and buried it with her…”

He stopped. He didn’t have anything more to say and Bulma didn’t ask him to – she just held him. “Gomen Bulma-san, I never meant to hurt either of you…I just…ever since that night, I’ve had nightmares. Everyone depending on me and I fail them…they kill you…they kill Trunks…they kill my mom…everyone…They torture you and they make me watch…and I can’t DO ANYTHING!!” The last bit is full of self-loathing.

“So that is why you left.” She whispered softly, holding him.

“Yes, Bulma.” He answered. “I thought…if I could get away – if I could train…find a way to beat them without leading them to you and Trunks…” He sighed. She looked at him.

‘He is so hard on himself.’ She thought to herself. “Sshh…It’s alright…it’s alright.” She held him tighter and was relieved when he let her.

“Little mother.” he said softly. She smiled at his name for her. She knew there was something he called her, but this was the first time he had said it to her face. Gohan let her go then. “You need to return home, little mother. It’s not safe out here.”

“Not without you.” She found herself answering.

“I’ll be alright.” Gohan answered. “Go back. Trunks needs you. I’ll stop by at the end of the week so you know I’m alive.”

“Promise?” She asked. Why was she letting him off so easy? And it was obvious he was hiding something from her. Yes…the look – the same look she saw Goku and Vegeta get before. Must be something from the saiyan heritage or something. They lived to fight, and they lived to train and become stronger. It was like nothing else in the world was more important.

“I swear on my father’s graves, Bulma.” He said softly and gravely. She hesitated. He said Fathers – plural. He was serious. He was not one to give oaths lightly, and to swear on Goku and Piccolo’s graves like that NEVER happened.

“Alright.” Bulma answered. “But come back to us Gohan, please.” She sighed and walked out of the bar.

Gohan watched the cerulean haired woman leave. ‘I’ll come back. I just can’t make any guarantees what I will be when I come back.’ He finished his drink, paid for his beers and left the bar. He felt the need to shadow his “little mother”, as he called her fondly, to make sure she was alright. He couldn’t get over the feeling – a sense…a sense of danger. He just knew that if anything happened to her, he’d never forgive himself.

(a/n: For anyone who is curious, Gohan and I got the nickname for Bulma from two series by David Eddings.)