The Outside Trilogy
by Kami Kaze     More by this Writer
Vegeta is having problems reconciling his opposites feelings and desires...

Art Source :
https://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=45433
https://dbharuhiko.tumblr.com/
Graphic Violence Rape Abusive



Chapter 01 : Outside
Song: "Outside" by Staind



The fist connected solidly with Vegeta's jaw, pain shooting sharply through his bones as they cracked, just short of shattering. He spun recklessly through the air, smashing into a large boulder, it's hard surface cracking and crumbling beneath the blow, his body embedding itself deep inside. He mentally cringed, the pain great; but it was his own fault. He had done it again. Pushed the other saiyan way too far, and on purpose. And he would do it again.

He had, at one point, accepted Goku's superiority in strength and battle; but his ego simply could not put up with it for long. The past few years had been hard...had seemed like he was being put through test after test, and through it all, his need to best Goku had swelled mightily. He knew what had triggered it, and even now, it skittered across the far reaches of his consciousness, though he hated the thought of it being there at all. He was a saiyan, the prince of saiyans, for that matter; the prince of a mighty race of warriors. He had no need for feelings or emotion, it just got in the way; he had learned that the hard way when Bulma had died. The pain had been horrifying, even though they knew ahead of time that she would pass on soon, the disease had been found too late, and he and Trunks had made her comfortable. They had spent so much time as a family, doing 'family' things....and then she let go, and just slowly drifted away.

Vegeta shook his head to clear it, crawling his way out of the large boulder to stand in front of the taller man. Vegeta growled, diving at Goku, aiming his fist at the other saiyan's throat; Goku dodged, slamming both fists into Vegeta's back. Vegeta fell to his knees in front of Goku, his knees crushing the earth below them.

and you bring me to my knees
all this time that i
all the times that i felt insecure
and i leave my burdens at the door

Vegeta's shoulders slumped, lifting his eyes to look up into those above him, those dark eyes so filled with hurt...and love. He wrenched his eyes away, pain tearing through his soul. He would not give in to this. Ever. He couldn't afford to.

"Vegeta...please..." Goku began, his arms spread helplessly, his eyes pleading.

"Kisama! Never! I hate you...do you understand me? You know nothing about me, and just because you think you know something, doesn't mean it's true!" Vegeta spat, pulling himself to his feet with a snarl. "Now FIGHT me, damn you!" He growled, his fists connecting sharply with Goku's chin repeatedly, the taller saiyan falling back a step with each hit, his head snapping back and forth painfully.

It hurt him to throw those punches, and that drove him mad. He didn't want to hurt Goku...but another part of him wanted to hurt him so bad, to pay him back for all the damage he had ever done. For beating him repeatedly, for being better than him, for saving his life, for being so damned good.....for loving him. For loving him. "DAMN you, Kakarott, FIGHT ME!" He screamed, shaking with rage. "Fight me, or I will kill each of your sons, without hesitation!" He spat, his eyes narrowing to fine slits, lips curled in a sneer.

Ah, he had finally gotten the man's attention; and the reaction was all that he expected. Goku's eyes at first grew wide, then he snarled, a low growl sounding from his chest before a scream ripped through the air, raw power flaring out around him in a halo of gold. His eyes...kuso, his eyes...there was nothing...nothing there. Pure whiteness replaced the irises and pupils, and Vegeta found himself staring in slight wonder before crouching low -- too late. Fists rained down upon him, hitting with enraged force. Finally, Goku was out for blood. This is what Vegeta wanted...pain...pain to drown in, drown the emotions out. Fists connected with his back sharply, sending him face first into the dirt, his body creaking as it hit. He was yanked to his feet roughly, just to have a large fist smash into his face, his nose erupting in a fountain of blood as the bones were crushed flat. He looked up into familiar eyes, that weren't so familiar. He looked into the eyes of a warrior. A saiyan warrior, and an enraged one at that. At that moment, he realized that, prince or not, they were not different, he and Goku; no, they were the same. Strip them both down, and they were exactly the same.

i'm on the outside
i'm looking in
i can see through you
see your true colors
inside you're ugly
ugly like me
i can see through you
see to the real you

He was floating on a sea of black velvet; he vaguely felt the pain in his body, and as the blackness seemed to fade, he let out a sharp cry, tears stinging his eyes as the pain in his face seemed to pierce his whole body. He opened his eyes, as far as he could, as it seemed they were nearly swollen shut. A noise was coming from above him, a gravelly hissing noise. He tried to turn his head, but the pain was too great; something held him tightly, the warmth being his only comfort at that point.

"V..Vegeta....why? Why?" Goku's voice cried out from above him. "Why do you do this to yourself...to me?" The voice asked, thick with tears. Vegeta felt the warm droplets fall upon his face, one splashing onto his cracked lips. He licked them, tasting the salty liquid. He's crying tears for me...he mused, then dismissed it. The arms grasped him tighter, pulling his broken body against the other. He was now upright, pressed into the other man's body, his chin resting upon the strong muscled shoulder. His body stirred, responding to the closeness, the heat and most of all, the scent. Oh Kami, his scent... He breathed in deeply, despite his ribcage crying out. He could not get enough of this man's scent; it invaded his nostrils, stirring his body immediately...arousing him like it had done so many times before when they had gotten close. But this...oh, he was so close! He managed to turn his head, though the pain was incredible. He pressed his face against the thick corded neck, his lips grazing it lightly. The arms that held him froze, and Vegeta's lips fell away quickly. No, he wouldn't do this to himself. It was better to ignore the feelings, pretend they weren't there. For Kami's sake, this was Kakarott!

He growled, trying to push himself away, but he had no strength. Jagged streaks of pain shot through him, and he cried out again, this time, the tears spilled down his cheeks and a sob caught in his throat. Not only was he hurt badly, but he was nearly helpless; both were heavy blows to his pride. To top it off, Goku was holding him, almost intimately, and Vegeta was having to force himself not to kiss the man's throat...run his hands down his muscled chest...Shimatta!It will never be, Vegeta. It will NEVER be, so just forget it. It's ridiculous and disgusting anyway...and you are a PRINCE. He screamed at himself mentally.

all this time that i felt like this won't end
was for you
and i taste what i could never have
it's from you
all those times that i tried
my intentions
full of pride
and i waste more time than anyone

"Oh, Vegeta..." Came that voice again. He was moved again, this time, onto his back, his head resting on what he guessed to be Goku's lap. Goku sniffled softly, and seemed to be moving around, perhaps looking for something. Suddenly, something small was pressed against his lips; at first, he tried to turn his head away, then he realized what it was. He opened his cracked and bleeding lips, and a finger found it's way into his mouth, setting the small bean on his tongue before retreating back out, much to Vegeta's relief. He had wanted to bite that finger, which probably would have angered the man again. Not that he cared.

He felt the bean begin to work, immediately giving him strength, knitting his bones and stopping any blood flow. However, it seemed he had been hurt pretty badly, because he still felt like shit, still felt the pain. He opened his eyes slowly, and reluctantly allowed them to follow upwards on the other man's body to finally rest on his eyes, now coal black and back to normal. Except the pain that radiated from them...that pain, so raw, so...so much like his own. He simply stared, watching the tears roll down the other man's face; watched them slide lazily and drip off of the strong jaw that could make the man look stubborn when he wanted to be. Vegeta felt them hit his skin, one dripped down his cheek to mix with his own...tears? When had he began to cry? He wasn't sure, but he felt them now, as his vision blurred before the spring broke, more hot tears running down the sides of his face. So much emotion....too much....I can't...handle this... He growled at the thought; he, a prince, a great warrior, couldn't handle a small case of...whatever this was. He refused to let the thought fully blossom.

How many times had he been through this with himself? How many times had he had to mentally slap himself? But this time it was different...the other saiyan had, at some point, seen Vegeta's feelings for him, and had, in an extreme step of courage, told Vegeta that he returned those feelings. Vegeta had not known what to do, what to say. By the end of that day, he had done two things: Ruined a friendship and crushed both Goku's heart and his own. He simply could not let himself fall prey to this...this...need; but now the pull was strong, and the pain terrible. He wrenched his face away, releasing himself from those eyes that held so much feeling.

Goku reached down, brushing a hand against his cheek lightly; Vegeta's eyes closed, his mind clouding briefly. How he wished this could work...but he knew it wouldn't, and what was the point in trying, when he knew it would turn out like everything else he'd tried to do in his life? Especially in the area of relationships, Vegeta recognized it was by far his worst area of expertise. His relationship with Bulma had been rocky, though they managed to bring a child into the world; and speaking of Trunks, their relationship wasn't on the best terms either. He had no friends...well...he had Goku, and Goku's friends, but he knew they never really accepted him as a friend. He hadn't let them. And he had hurt Goku. Many times. What kind of friend does that? he asked himself before he realized that the hand had moved to his chest. His eyes snapped open, his body screaming for rest as he pulled himself to his feet quickly. He stood with his back to Goku, his head hanging briefly. He couldn't look back into those eyes. So he just left. Left the other man to deal with his tears, his pain. Left him without a word.

Vegeta lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. It had been nearly five hours since he had left Goku alone, and he silently wondered if Goku had went home, or if he still sat on the rocky ground, dealing with his emotions the best he could, as Vegeta was. Just the thought made tears rise in his eyes, which he brushed away quickly; the foul liquid had been plaguing him a little too often lately, and he was sick of it. However, his mind and body thought differently, and he felt the unfamiliar swelling pressure in his chest and throat that was almost painful, tears falling silently to the pillow below him.

all the times that i cried
all this wasting
it's all inside
and i feel all this pain
stuffed it down
it's back again
and i lie here in bed
all alone
i can't help what i feel
tomorrow will be okay

The dream was pleasant...or more so, he thought. He lay in his quarters on Freeza's ship, a warm body pressed against his side. He recognized the soft black spikes immediately. He turned towards the sleeping figure of Goku, staring down at him silently. It didn't seem quite right that they were on Freeza's ship, but that meant nothing to Vegeta, who was aroused immediately by watching the sleeping man. He looked so innocent, yet so strong. Vegeta knew what this man was capable of, the power that raged within him, and it aroused Vegeta like nothing else. Vegeta let his hand brush through Goku's hair, the eyes fluttering open to look deeply into his own. Then the man's hands were raking over his naked body, touching him teasingly. Vegeta closed his eyes, gasping as soft lips brushed against his. His lips parted, the tip of his tongue traveling over the man's lower lip, leaning closer to take the lip in his mouth, sucking on it eagerly. He heard Goku moan, and felt a hand brush his erection uncertainly.

"Yes...." He hissed, arching against the hand. A moan of excitement sounded from the other saiyan as his large hand wrapped around Vegeta's cock, stroking it with deep, even strokes. Their mouths met again, this time forcefully, their tongues lashing at the other's with quick strokes, then entwining outside between their lips, licking and sucking on each other with unbridled passion. Something itched at the back of Vegeta's mind, but it was hard to grasp with all the pleasurable sensations wracking his body. His eyes cracked open, looking into Goku's face as their tongues dueled, the man's strokes never pausing in their task. His eyes narrowed to something behind the man's head, a look of confusion crossing his face briefly before he broke the kiss, panting lightly. It was the double doors to his bedroom. Not his quarters on Freeza's ship. Had his dream changed, or.....he looked at Goku, his eyes wide. "K...Kakarott?" He blinked, rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn't still asleep.

"Yes, Vegeta?" He asked, his voice deep and husky, one arm sliding around Vegeta's bare waist, his other arm keeping him upright. He leaned over, planting a small kiss on Vegeta's ear, then following downward to his throat, raining small damp kisses upon Vegeta's hot skin. Vegeta moaned softly, his eyes closing. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he wasn't sure what to do. His mind was raging, wanted the man out of his bed; this was too close of contact for his liking, and put him in a very vulnerable position with the stronger warrior. The stroking had once again began, the hand working magic upon his rigid member. How he wished....he wanted.... Fuck! I don't know what I want!

Their mouths met again, and Vegeta found himself being pressed to the bed, Goku's large body pinning him lightly. Goku was between his legs, their groins pressed together tightly as his hands moved up Vegeta's body to slide into his flame of hair, grasping lightly and pulling the wary Vegeta deeper into the kiss. Vegeta groaned, trying to push the naked man off of him, but only managed to break the kiss.

"Kakarott...I...demand that you get off of me this instant!" He hissed. There was no way...no way he would submit to this man. Not now, not ever. No matter how much he wished he could...he just...couldn't.

"Vegeta..." Goku whispered, his lips brushing down Vegeta's nose to nip at his lower lip, then his chin, and downwards, all the way to his chest. Once there, he dragged his teeth over Vegeta's left nipple, then the right, delighting in the cry of pleasure from Vegeta. He continued, nipping and licking at the ridges of muscle, sending the prince squirming. With a chuckle, he eyed Vegeta's hard on, then ran his tongue down the shaft, hearing a strangled gasp from above him. He kissed his way back up the shaft, his tongue wrapping itself around the head and wiggling up and down over it's sensitive ridge.

"N..nn...noo!!!!" Vegeta finally gasped, pushing at Goku's head. Goku looked up from his work questioningly, then slid up Vegeta's body, straddling the smaller man's thighs, since the prince had slammed them close as soon as Goku had removed himself from between them earlier. He leaned down on his elbows, positioned above Vegeta's shoulders, and looked down at the man. "What is it, Vegeta?" He asked softly.

"Kakarott...get off of me. Now." Goku paused, then leaned to the side, lifting his right leg and hefting his body over, so that he was laying on his side facing Vegeta. "Ok...simple enough." Goku said, snuggling his body up against Vegeta's. Vegeta's face jerked towards him, looking confused and angry. Goku's hands were already on him, touching, stroking. His lips pressed against Vegeta's, until he found a handful of his hair locked tightly in Vegeta's hand, his head wrenched backwards painfully.

"BAKA! What do you think you're doing!? What is it you don't understand? I don't want you here...don't want you touching me! Do you hear me?" He screamed, each word making him pull harder on Goku's hair. He finally let go after his thoughts began to wander and he silently wondered what it would be like to lick that throat that was exposed so fully to him.

Goku just smiled a knowing smile, yet his eyes seemed sad. He appeared to think for a minute, and then, to Vegeta's surprise, lowered himself and began nuzzling at Vegeta's throat. Before Vegeta could utter a word about it, however, Goku was growling, his mouth wide, teeth grasping the side of Vegeta's neck painfully.

"Kk......" He began, then screamed as the growl grew louder, the teeth ripping into the soft skin, making it tear and bleed. He's...He's marking me! Oh Kami NO! What the hell?! fear welled up inside him, knowing that at this point, Goku was going by pure saiyan instinct...and if that instinct led him to...he cringed. He would be taken if Goku felt the need, which, by the looks of it, the need was there. Goku lapped at the blood, his tongue moving in soothing strokes over the torn skin which was already bruising; however, Vegeta blinked with surprise as the saiyan slid farther upwards, exposing his own virgin flesh to Vegeta, his head turned to the side slightly, eyes heavily lidded with arousal and blood lust.

Vegeta licked his lips, unsure of what to do. Goku had marked him, but was now asking to be marked in return. The throat looked warm, and he could see the large vein under the skin that pumped the tall warriors life blood...blood that he longed to taste...skin that he longed to lick....his vision went hazy as he leaned forward, licking the slightly sticky skin, tasting and savoring the sweat as he had the man's tears earlier that evening. His body shook as his lips parted, his teeth coming down on the skin of Goku's throat hard. He heard the whine from the other man, high and filled with pain and passion.

i'm on the outside
i'm looking in
i can see through you
see your true colors
inside you're ugly
ugly like me
i can see through you
see to the real you

Blood leaked into his mouth, and the bloodlust hit him hard, his erection hardening even more as he lapped at the man's neck. Goku was panting, pressing his body into Vegeta's; Vegeta could feel the other man's erection against him, and just the thought of it made him bite down harder, a cry straining from Goku's throat as he did so.

"Vegeta..." Goku whispered hoarsely as Vegeta's teeth finally released him. Vegeta looked at the man, his eyes narrowed; his arm shot out, knocking Goku to his back. He was on him in seconds, straddling Goku's hips, his knee pressing between Goku's legs to spread them. Goku grabbed his shoulders and yanked him down, their lips meeting in a fierce bloodstained kiss. Vegeta still struggled to get Goku's legs apart, but the taller man's legs were like iron logs...they weren't moving. Vegeta's eyes grew round as he felt something hard against his opening, and he struggled to break the kiss as strong hands grabbed his hips, pressing him downwards to spear him onto the thick shaft. He cried out in pain, his back arching as he was pushed farther, the thickness sliding into him slowly; he felt as if he were about to be split in two. Vaguely, he heard Goku whispering words of encouragement to him, but he wasn't bothering to listen.

"G...gggahhhh!" Vegeta screamed as he was filled, the pain immense, his pride wavering. Goku raised him by his hips and lowered him again, thrusting only slightly, trying to restrain himself. Vegeta breathed heavily, his body shaking with both pain and arousal. As the pain left him, the arousal was blinding; and it was the arousal that had him moving, strong thighs lifting himself from Goku's waist, to thrust himself back onto Goku's swollen cock below him. His fingers raked at the sweat glistened chest in front of him, watching as the Goku's eyes rolled, his back arching away from the bed at Vegeta's movements. Tingling desire shot through Vegeta's body, his legs pumping faster, Goku meeting with his own passion filled thrusts; his grip on the princes hips tightened as he was brought closer and closer to completion. Goku moaned, his head jerking back and forth, his hips arching upwards as Vegeta slammed himself downwards; Vegeta let his head fall back, raspy grunts being pushed from his throat by his heavy breathing and the harsh movements of their lovemaking. He felt Goku stiffen under him, the man's back arching off the bed, nearly bucking Vegeta completely off as he screamed; Vegeta began stroking his own arousal as he continued pumping the still-hard cock beneath him, his own screams ringing out into the night as he came violently onto Goku's stomach and chest. Vegeta stared at the man beneath him, watching as Goku panted, his eyes closed, a look of cosmic bliss making his face look even more gentle than it normally did. He sighed, slipping off of Goku's lap and walking to the bathroom, where he showered quickly and returned to the doorway that sperated the rooms to watch the other saiyan silently. Goku sat up in the bed, leaning back on both arms, his eyes staring out the window into the darkness of the night. He stayed like that for a long time, then spoke softly without looking Vegeta's direction.

"You still won't admit it, will you, Vegeta?" He asked.

Vegeta stood silent for several seconds. "Admit what, Kakarott?"

Goku smiled softly, turning his head to meet Vegeta's eyes. He studied them for what seemed like minutes, reading all he could. A look of disappointment and hurt washed over his features before he nodded slowly in Vegeta's direction.

"All right. I'll leave." He said, climbing from the bed, glancing down at his sticky chest, stomach and groin. Vegeta snorted.

"I hope your going to take a shower before you put your clothes back on..." He said, tossing a towel across the room, watching as Goku caught it. He glanced quickly over the man's body, knowing that it would probably be the last time he saw it...in that state. Goku knew....knew that Vegeta would not accept this as a relationship. It hurt the younger man, he knew, and that knowledge in turn hurt him; but, it was for the best. Minutes later, Goku stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed, ruffling the towel over his dark damp spikes. His eyes were kept low, his cheeks lightly flushed.

Goku approached the widow, which was open, his hands resting on the ledge as he prepared to leave, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned, eyebrows raised.

"Why did you come tonight?" Vegeta asked, his voice low.

Goku shrugged his shoulders, turning to look out the window once again. "I wanted to talk...I was hoping you would admit...." he stopped, shaking his head.

"Kakarott...it's there. But I can't allow....can't stand to feel it. I know you don't understand. Just believe me. It won't work. Nothing ever does, for me." He said sadly.

Goku sighed, his arms crossed as he looked out at the sky. He then turned, looking deeply into his princes eyes, leaning down to brush his lips lightly across those that he was able to taste oh so briefly. Then he was gone, not knowing if Vegeta would ever allow his presence near him again, or if Goku would be forced to endure sparring with him as if nothing ever happened. The pain in Goku's heart throbbed as he sailed through the chill night air, hoping that maybe one day, his prince would freely give his love, or at least accept Goku's. Until then, all he would have was memories of one night...



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