Understand
by Pixelgoddess     More by this Writer
Goku tries to make Vegeta understand how much he cares for him, but the prince is afraid of being hurt. Winner of Second Place in the Save the Songfic Contest.

Art Source: https://www.imgrumweb.com/post/BcqaXh9DlSK

Understand
Warnings, Disclaimers, Yadda, Yadda – Do I look rich to you? Didn't think so. Goku/Vegeta – If men kissing bothers you, you better stop reading now.

Based on two songs by Toni Childs – Stop Your Fussin from Union (Goku), Next to You from House of Hope (Vegeta)
Written for the Saiyajin Secrets song-fic challenge.
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Vegeta was training again, a fierce scowl of concentration on his handsome face. Goku couldn't help but admire the grace and passion in his techniques. The prince had an amazing capacity to make the most difficult moves look simple and effortless.

He never understood why Vegeta's training always seemed to leave him more frustrated than when he started. For him, training and sparring was a joy – he looked forward to the daily exercise. Why did Vegeta always seem to see it as a duty or chore? Why did he always have to make it a competition? Couldn't he just enjoy the way his body moved – how it felt to flex and sweat?

He often wondered what he could do to make Vegeta happier. He tried, unwilling to give up, but it was so difficult to convince his prince to do something unrelated to training. It had been a battle just to get him out of the Gravity Room a few days a week.

Goku didn't know how he could stand being cooped up in that room. He hated being closed in, preferring the feel of sunshine and wind on his face. He'd tried to ask Vegeta why once – was it because he grew up on a ship? Did he miss that? Vegeta had glared at him.

~Idiot. Of course I don't miss the damned ship. In here no one can get near me without my knowledge.~

Goku had apologized, confused, as Vegeta practically shoved him out of the Gravity Room. Something about the way his prince had said that – and the expression on his face an instant later...as if Vegeta had revealed something he hadn't intended to. But it had worked – the next day Vegeta had shown up at Goku's regular training grounds to spar, pushing him to his limits.

He wondered what it had been like for Vegeta on Frieza's ship – he never talked about it. Was life for him always death and violence? Was he ever happy about anything?

Goku couldn't comprehend how his prince could go through life with nothing but anger and scorn. He knew Vegeta hurt – he could feel it all of the time. He expressed it with his fists and words – but Goku didn't understand why he still felt that way after so many years. How could he make him stop feeling so much pain?

He hated seeing someone he loved so unhappy, but he honestly didn't know how to help. He had tried for ages to make Vegeta see how he felt, but the fiery prince never seemed to notice. Goku had finally come right out and told Vegeta he loved him, but his reaction was anticlimactic to say the least.

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Vegeta inspected his gloves and grimaced. Kakarott was more distracted than usual today, and became increasingly frustrated at his inability to strike a solid blow. He, on the other hand, had been successful with some devastating attacks, and now his gloves were marked with Kakarott's blood. He nearly brought his covered fingers to his mouth to taste his opponent, but caught himself in time. It wouldn't do for Kakarott to know how he affected him.

"That was great, Vegeta," Kakarott said, climbing to his feet and wiping the blood away from his mouth.

"Hn," he answered, still bemused by the copper scent of his rival. He turned to leave.

"Vegeta...wait. Stay. Please."

He hesitated, noticing how Kakarott's mouth parted slightly, the tip of his pink tongue darting out, licking his lips nervously, before vanishing. He was so absorbed in watching his face he didn't realize how close Kakarott had gotten to him until a hand lightly rested on his shoulder. His long-schooled reflex to conceal his fear came immediately into play – the other Saiyan should not have noticed his tiny shiver and recoil.

"What is it, Kakarott?" he asked when he was sure his voice and reactions were under control.

"Vegeta... I..."

The hand on his shoulder squeezed gently and he took a breath, unable to tear his eyes away from the face so close to his. "Kakarott?" he asked with concern. Why was he even touching him? What was Kakarott going to do? Why was he suddenly afraid?

The hand slid up behind his neck, thumb gliding across his cheek and he could no longer disguise the shudder of fear that passed through him. He pulled back but the single hand trapped him, holding his head in place. Kakarott's mouth impossibly pressed against his, the taste of the remaining blood on his lips fogging his thoughts.

~Don't react. Don't respond. Don't let him know you want this and he can't hurt you with it.~

Kakarott's mouth left his, but all he could do was stare at the dark eyes watching him, gauging him, and studying him for any weakness. The hand released him, fingertips brushing over his lips before dropping to Kakarott's side.

~Don't react. Don't react.~

"We train tomorrow in the Gravity Room," he said, fighting his urge to get closer to him, to see what a kiss would taste like if he participated.

"Vegeta..." Kakarott whispered, "I love you."

"No you don't, Kakarott. You don't know me."
______________

Vegeta cursed to himself as he finished the kata. Kakarott was thinking about that day again. He had picked up the habit of touching his lips with his fingers every time he remembered the kiss.

He had tried to forget it, tried to pretend it never happened, but it was getting more and more difficult. Now that he knew how Kakarott felt he was constantly aware of the dark eyes on him, studying him. Even worse, he had caught himself watching the younger Saiyan, noticing his little quirks and behaviors. Like touching his lips. Ducking his head down to the left when he realized he had been caught staring. The shy smile when he raised his head back up that burst into sunshine when he realized Vegeta wasn't angry.

Why wasn't he angry? Why hadn't he tried to stop him? Why did he want him to do it again? No matter how much time they spent together, how many years they had known each other, he really didn't know who Kakarott was. How could he trust this man – let him get that close – risk getting hurt again... How could Kakarott trust him – a killer, a monster, a slave... a failure...? He didn't know Kakarott and Kakarott didn't know him.

But Vegeta couldn't deny how pleasant it was to be around him. He was always so...happy. Not that obnoxiously cheerful, artificially bouncy happiness of the woman's mother. No – Kakarott's happiness was deeper. It came from inside – from the way he viewed the world and the way he lived his life. It flavored his ki, giving him contentment and strength Vegeta had never had.

Sometimes – when he was alone – he let himself imagine what it would be like to let Kakarott hold him, to let him see what he really was like. Was it possible to be safe and loved – wrapped in warmth – without pain? What would it feel like to experience joy the way Kakarott did?
________________

Vegeta was watching him again, sad dark eyes following him. He had tried... he always tried... and still he couldn't get through the armor around his prince. There were moments he wanted to crush Vegeta against him, holding him and kissing him until he could shatter the shield that trapped him as much as it protected him.

There was an instant after he kissed Vegeta... he could have – he should have – done it again. It almost seemed as if he had wanted it – needed it. And then the moment was gone, the barrier was up, and his chance was gone.

~Why are you so sad?~

He sat on the soft grass, facing his prince. He doubted Vegeta realized he was staring and smiled at him. Vegeta turned away and Goku wondered for a moment if he was imagining the blush across his cheeks. It seemed to vanish in an instant, Vegeta's legendary control in place, dark eyes drifting back up his face. He had often fantasized about what it would take – what he would do – to make Vegeta lose that control and let him see how he really felt.

"This has been a perfect day, hasn't it?"

Vegeta shrugged and looked away.

" I really don't want it to end. Why don't we stay here for a while? We can hunt – cook over a fire, roughing it – living off the land." He smiled at the memories. "It will be like when I was a kid."

"I have to train more tonight, Kakarott."

Goku shook his head. Vegeta did the same thing nearly every day. Train with him, go home, eat, and then head to the Gravity Room to train for several more hours before dropping in exhaustion. He'd drag himself to bed, only to do it again the next day. His prince led such a focused, lonely existence. There was more to life than this. What about friends and laughter, parties, games...? The only time Vegeta engaged in other activities was when Goku cajoled him into fishing or camping.

"No you don't, Vegeta. Take a break. You deserve it."

"I have to be stronger."

"Stronger than whom, Vegeta?" he asked, frustrated. "Our ki level is virtually equal – and I would figure out a way to give you some of mine if I thought it would make you happy."

Vegeta stared down at his gloved hands and Goku wondered for an instant how soft they would feel against his skin after being protected for so many years.

"It's not enough."

"Vegeta...when will it be enough? You are strong. That new attack of yours – it was devastating. You saw I couldn't block it. If you had fired it for real, it probably would have killed me."

"I wouldn't..." Vegeta stared at him, wide-eyed, alarmed.

He smiled softly. "I know you wouldn't. I trust you." Vegeta was just watching him again, the emotions flashing through his eyes much too fast to read.

"Please stay. It's a beautiful day...it's going to be a beautiful night." He couldn't sit by idly anymore and see his prince alone and unhappy. Tonight...tonight he would convince Vegeta – make him understand he didn't have to be lonely.

"Kakarott..."

"Please."

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Vegeta stood, looking up at the starry sky, feeling the warm air against his skin. He had let Kakarott convince him to change his plans again. The other Saiyan always caused such an internal battle. He had to train, he had to be stronger – but why? Why was he driving himself to gain that infinitesimal increase in ki? Did he have to be stronger to protect himself from Kakarott... or to impress him?

Kakarott had proven himself over the years... he was no threat to him. He had so many opportunities to hurt him – to take advantage of him – but he hadn't. Even the kiss... He could have stopped him. He could have gotten away if he wanted to. He hadn't wanted to. But what would happen to him if Kakarott realized how much that one little touch had affected him?

He looked over where Kakarott was crouching, preparing the meat, bare chest shining in the firelight. They had hunted together, and he had felt a thrill of satisfaction at being the one who had brought down the beast. He had changed his plans at the last minute, using raw muscle, not ki, to kill the dinosaur, dodging sharp teeth to get close enough to snap its neck.

Something in Kakarott's demeanor changed, and the other Saiyan rose to his full height and turned to stare at him. He could only watch as Kakarott crossed the field, smiling, emanating a determination that made Vegeta slightly nervous. Had he noticed him staring at the strong arms, the broad shoulders, the sculpted body...? No, no...he had to stop thinking of Kakarott that way. He couldn't risk it.

The younger Saiyan came to a halt in front of him – ~Too close, too close~ – his proximity forcing Vegeta to look up to meet his eyes. The scent was over-whelming, slowing his reaction, and delaying his retreat. Strong, warm hands held his upper arms, drawing him even closer. Kakarott's bare chest was against his and still he could only stare, unable to break away from his dark eyes.

"I love you, Vegeta,"

Vegeta closed his eyes and lowered his head, turning away. Again. Kakarott was doing this to him again. He wanted so much for it to be true – he wanted to be safe and held – but it was only a fantasy. "You don't. You can't. You just..."

"Vegeta. Stop."

An arm was released and fingertips trailed over his cheek and into his hair. He couldn't control himself, shuddering in pleasure at the touch, pressing closer to the furnace of Kakarott's body. A gentle hand tipped his head up.

"Open your eyes. Look at me," Kakarott said softly.

He was shivering. Oh GodS. What was happening to him? Where was his control?
~I'm afraid.~ He looked up at Kakarott, bewildered at his own reaction. ~I don't want to hurt anymore.~

Kakarott's eyes widened in surprise. "I would never hurt you."

Oh GodS. Oh GodS. Had he said that out loud? What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he control himself? Why was he reaching up, touching the arms holding him? "Can't trust..."

Kakarott's mouth was so close to his...he could feel his breath against his lips.

"Try, Vegeta," he breathed.

Try. He could try. He could... Vegeta reached up and pulled him down, pressing their lips together, opening for Kakarott's insistent tongue. Strong arms wrapped around his waist and shoulders, holding him tightly, pressing their bodies together, nearly lifting him from the ground.

"Kakarott..." he said, voice shaking. He was afraid to be this close, afraid to be let go. He wanted this. Oh GodS he wanted this.

"You don't have to be lonely anymore," Kakarott whispered before kissing him again.

~Hold me.~

End
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By Toni Childs – from House of Hope (Vegeta)

Next to You

I'd like to get next to you
If you want me to

I could hold you
Maybe I could show you
But I'm afraid
Cause you see I have been hurt before
Though I don't want to hurt no more
This feeling inside of me
Is strong in me
Is strong in me
Could you tell me who you are
And would I really want to know
What's it been for you
Just to trust and hold on, too

I'd like to get next to you
Whenever you wanted to
I'd like to get next to you
Whenever you wanted to

You could hold me
Maybe you could show me
How to trust
Cause you see I have been hurt before
Though I don't want to hurt no more
This feeling inside of me
Is strong in me
Is strong in me
Could I tell you who I am
And would you really want to know
What it's been for me
Just to trust and to believe

Could I show you who I am
Would you really want to understand
Holding skin to skin
My emotion feels like it has no end
Could I show you myself
Could I get right next to you,
Next to you
By Toni Childs – from Union (Goku)

Stop your Fussin

Why you look so sad
When the sky is perfect blue
And you're getting everything
You ever wanted to
Let's not talk about the bad times
We've been through that before
It's not right
For making love anymore

Just stop your fussin boy
Please stop your fussin boy
For your time will come
Yes your time will come

Can you lay me down
In meadows soft and green
And can you lay me down
And talk to me of things
Like stars that burn into the night
And moons that turn with purple lines
That's what I want

Just stop your fussin boy
Please stop your fussin boy
Your time will come
Can't you just stop your fussin, boy
Please stop your fussin boy

Can someone tell me why it is
How we could spend so many lonely years
When there's a light at the end of life
It's enough it's enough it's enough
It's enough to try
We can see the light
We can feel the warmth
We can see it shine
We can see it all in our lifetime

So why you look so sad
When the sky is perfect blue
And you're getting everything
You ever wanted, too

Stop your fussin
Just stop your fussin
For your time will come
We can see it in our lifetime
We can see it in our lifetime

Comments

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