Welcome to Boxer & Rice

‘It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart,’

“Gohan?” As usual he sits by himself, his back to me. Lately, he hasn't been willing to speak to me or even be in the same room with me for long. I wish I knew what was wrong. I want him to speak to me so desperately. I -need- to know what’s wrong with him. I love him too much to sit back idly while he suffers so obviously.

He turns his head, dark brown eyes resting on me briefly before he focuses on some point beyond me. It hurts that he won’t even look at me anymore. “Our parents will be arriving soon.” He nods minutely but doesn't respond.

I give him a few minutes, waiting for him to speak. He says nothing and with a sigh I turn and walk to the door.

“Trunks.”

His voice, so soft, stops me. I rest my hand on the doorknob but don’t dare to turn around in case he decides not to speak. “Yes?”

“How much do you love me?”

‘Without saying a word, you can light up the dark.’

He turns and I can tell from the look in his eyes that he’s surprised. I have to know. I need him to show me. I feel bad for asking and yet I couldn't go on without asking. //Show me…// I beg him silently, //I need you…//

He nods as if understanding that only my heart is crying. He closes the distance between us with three easy strides, then kneels in front of me. He takes my hands in his and his eyes are bright, earnest. He lifts one of my hands to his lips, then presses it firmly to his chest, over his heart. “More than words.”

My heart lurches and I shake my head, “No… -show- me. Show me…”

‘Try as I may I could never explain,’

And he does.

In the only way he knows how.

‘What I hear when you don’t say a thing.’

He’s warm, and soft, for the most part. He’s a bit too bony in places, and there are muscles, but where it counts he’s soft. Like the curve of his hip, his lovely hair, his perfect lips… Does he understand? Did he feel it too? Sex has never been the greatest way to express love but it was the only way I knew how to show him. I stroke my fingers through his hair, listening to his rhythmic breathing. “Gohan?”

His chest rises and falls on a soft sigh, then he tilts his head and stares at me with those brown eyes that are far too sad. “Is that all?” He whispers.

I cup his face with my hands, “Look at me.”

He meets my gaze.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

His eyes fill with tears and my stomach falls.

On his face is an expression I never wanted to see. Guilt. Pain. Love. Desperation. All mingled together. Then, he opens his mouth and my world falls apart.

‘The lack of smile on your face lets me know that you need me,’

“You have to stop this.” A hand comes down on my own, stopping the cup from rising. I turn to glower at Goten. The irritating little brat. What is he doing here anyway?

“Go away.” I growl sullenly, trying to pull my hand away from his so I can finish my drink.

“Trunks, you’re killing yourself.” Goten snaps as he shakes his head, “You’re killing yourself, /and/ taking Gohan with you.”

“What do I care? It’s not… it’s not like he gives a fuck about me.” I snarl, abandoning the cup and turning so Goten can’t see my face. Or the feelings that are tearing me apart from the inside.

“Trunks! He -loves- you!”

“Right! That’s why he slept with Videl? That’s why he got …” The words won’t come out. I choke on a sob and drop my head onto the cold surface of the bar.

“He was drunk…”

“So am I…”

“He wasn't thinking straight…”

“Neither am I.”

“He thought she was you.”

I snort with disgust. “An -easy- mistake to make!”

“Kami, Trunks! Don’t do this! It was one time!”

I whirl, grabbing the front of his shirt and leaning towards him. “And, what if I slept with ‘you’? And got ‘you’ pregnant? What then!? HUH!?”

Goten smiles a little, “I’m a guy, I can’t get pregnant.” Then his smile fades.

“With ‘her’…” I’m falling apart, and there’s no one to catch the pieces. “With ‘her-, of all people, Goten…”

He lays a hand on my shoulder, “He loves you.”

I push his hand away, “Yeah…” The bitter laugh that escapes my throat hurts my ears, “Loves me so much he fucked that git so he could have the child I couldn't give him…”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything, Goten.” I feel mildly guilty for yelling at him but the guilt only compounds on top of all the other miserable emotions choking me alive.

‘How much do you love me?’ His words echo in my brain as I lay my head back onto the bar.

‘Not enough.’

‘There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me,’

“Well, what are you going to name her?”

It should be the happiest day of my life. I take the squalling child from Videl and hold it. I stare down at the red, screaming face, and all I feel is numb. I haven’t spoken to Trunks in eight months and his absence has drained my life of all joy. As I stare at my baby, all I can think is that I want Trunks to be here. I want him to see this… I want this child to be his.

“Pan.” I whisper, handing the child back.

“Her name is Pan.”

‘The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me,’

“Trunks.” It has been eight months and a few days but he has changed. He has matured, a lot but the maturity has made him even more beautiful. He stares at me as if I’m nothing. As if… he doesn't even see me. I hold my hand out, “Trunks.”

His eyes narrow on my out stretched hand and then he arches one fine eyebrow, “I didn’t know you were here.” Implying he would have avoided this route if he had known.

“I… needed to see you.”

“I’m sure.” His bitter tone makes me flinch. Does he hate me so much now? “Sorry, I’m booked solid. I don’t have time for you.”

“Trunks.”

He ignores me and turns to walk away.

“How much do you love me!?”

He stops, his back stiffening.

‘Whenever I fall.’

I turn slowly, fixing my gaze on his sad brown eyes. The years haven’t changed him much. He is the same Gohan he always was. The Gohan I grew up with. He looks like his world has come to an end. And as I stare at him… I see things I never noticed before.

His hand is still outstretched, a silent plea.

In his eyes shine unshed tears, proof of his grief.

Looking at him I’m reminded of the way he was before he told me about Videl. I remember all the things he tried to ‘show’ me, because he didn’t have the words.

‘How much do you love me?’

‘You say it best,’

“I’m an idiot.”

I looked away after his long silence, certain he would say something cruel, but when he speaks I find myself staring at him with surprise. “What?”

“You must have been completely stoned if you mistook her for me.”

And his lips tilt. The briefest smile but it’s enough. He holds his arms out and without further hesitation I run over and lean against his chest. His warm arms close around me. I feel protected. I feel loved.

But most importantly, I feel forgiven.

‘When you say nothing at all.’

He sits by himself. He does that a lot. I carefully lay Pan in her crib. She spends her weekends with Gohan and I, and then during the week she stays with her mother. She’s three months old, and the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Sometimes it hurts to look at her but I've learnt to push that away. He made a mistake but I know now that he loves me, more than life.

I join him by the window, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and hugging him from behind. He leans into me, reaching up to place his hands over mine. “Why do you sit by yourself so much?” I ask him softly. Words, sometimes, are intrusive, but not now.

He sighs softly, “I can’t believe you forgave me.”

“I never did, but I’m nothing without you…”

I can feel his smile, even if I can’t see his face. His whole body relaxes, “Besides, we’re even now.”

He stiffens, “Even?”

“How much do you love me Gohan?”

He whirls, staring up at me with wide eyes, and I smile softly, brushing his cheek with my fingers, “Because I had a wild orgy with your father and little brother and I think you should know that Goten’s five months pregnant.”

‘Old Mr. Webster could never describe, what’s being said between your heart and mine.’