Oxymoronic Paradigms as Applied to Modern Mating Rituals
by Juuchan     More by this Writer
Vegeta introspective. Vegeta watches as Gohan and Trunks slowly come together, considers similarities to his own relationships.

Song Used: “Beauty and the Beast” which apparently belongs to Howard Ashman.

Tale as old as time

Could there possibly be any kind of story older or more cliché, than love? They’re everywhere, in everything, even masquerading themselves and hiding, to surprise you at the last moment when you’re cornered. I don’t sound to biased, do I? I don’t mind being caught… well, not too much. If I were still as hot-headed and prideful as my youth I wouldn't believe that I could ever fall for the “great deception.” Heh, if there’s any trickery in it, it was me fooling myself that the feelings weren't there. I got caught by love -good- and now it’s my brat’s turn to fall, too.

True as it can be

Rail as I might have against the entire -concept- of love, shy away from trusting another with something so fragile as my heart and pride when I've stood alone for so long… only something so true could have passed through my defenses. I’ve heard it isn’t so in all cases, but in all the times -I’ve- seen it form it has been. I suppose you think this means that I believe in the “True Love” baka ningen are always going on about. I suppose. Their problem is that most of the time when they declare it it’s -lust- at first sight. But in the case I’m watching there are real feelings on at least one side. If they aren't on the other, well, I’ll just have to hurt someone, won’t I?

Barely even friends

If you weren’t watching them you’d never notice. I’ve got a bet on that everyone else is going to be surprised as hell when they finally get it together. Well, Kakarot’s spawn should notice at least, he’s close enough to them. And -that- is why everyone else isn’t going to know what hit them. They don’t even have to change their patterns to see each other, get in their “forbidden glances” during that crush stage humans insist on. My Brat goes to see the Spawn, and if the Boy just -happens- to be there of course he can join them. Or he can come get his brother from over here. The Spawn -must- have noticed by now, and if I didn’t already have one running I’d bet that he was working both of them toward each other. Of course, it’s so obvious I probably wouldn’t get anyone to take the other side. He’s got to have figured out that it’s mutual before either of them did.

Then somebody bends

First, they’re occasional friends at best, or acquaintances. Then the pattern shifts. It looks -almost- like before, but they begin to seek each other out, camouflaged to look like previous interactions. I don’t know who started it, I don’t watch them -that- closely (or didn’t), but it started the whole process like those damned little blocks the Brat and the Spawn set up all over the house when they were young, only even -harder- to stop.

That’s how it sneaks up on you, especially if you can fool yourself into thinking nothing -really- changed, or that it’s just -them- acting funny, and you’re untouched. I think that the Brat will have an easier time getting through that stage than I did. He’s a lot better about admitting his emotions, which I credit (or blame) to his human upbringing. The Boy, on the other hand, might have problems, but for pretty damned different reasons. It’s not so much that he isn’t allowed emotions, it’s that falling for my Brat isn’t on the schedule for his perfectly mundane life, planned out from the moment of his birth by that banshee he calls a mother. She’s always despised anything that upset the life she’d laid out for him, but so far she’s managed to overcome all the disruptions. I have the feeling that this little road-block, however, blows all the rest out of the water. Do I sound like I’m gloating? When it finally happens, it’ll be about time!

Just a little change
Small to say the least

Where is it that a relationship turns from “innocent” to “budding heat”? I feel that this distinction can only be made by outsiders watching closely, from the inside it all blurs. Whatever the point is, it changes a casual touch, given in the exact same manner as the day before, from simple contact to a bolt of lightning. The mere sight of your other’s face, or any other part of them for that matter, becomes an image to be treasured, a target for adoration, or a command for all the blood from your hair to your toenails to gather in your face so it can get a look, too.

The problem with those blushes is that they then embarrass you, which makes you blush -more-, which in turn becomes more humiliating, and it creates a highly uncomfortable vicious cycle. I remember the first time it happened to -me-, surprising and embarrassing as hell, I said something trite and fled, with as much dignity as I was capable of mustering. They’re hard to deal with when you can’t admit that you can -be- embarrassed. If your own body and thoughts, not to mention dreams, hadn’t made you realize what you were going through -before-, this is the point where you finally wake up. That’s where it hit me, at least, though it took nearly a dozen instances before I could admit it.

Both a little scared

I don’t understand why so many humans have no qualms about love. It can be a damned scary thing. Yes, I -am- admitting to fearing something. But it’s not what I’m -most- afraid of. That place, as it should be in most people, is reserved for -losing- those you love. Of course, that fear is tied up in the fear of love itself. But still, what’s that human saying? “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” I can’t be sure of that, but they’re not gone yet, and shouldn’t be any time soon.

I bet they’re both scared as hell. Always seems to happen. There are fears that go with almost every love. Do they feel the same way? Will they -keep- feeling the same? Will I? What if I’m being hasty? What if it’s not -really- there? Then, of course, there are always specific ones as well. Will they accept us? Would their family love me as a -relative-? What about his/my daughter? I swear the most annoying part in Chikyuu courtships is the uncertainty.

Neither one prepared

No one is -every- prepared for love, no matter what they think or say. It just isn’t the kind of thing you can ignore or analyze while it’s happening, much as you try, and it’s -certainly- not something that can be anticipated. Loathe as I am to admit it, that would take part of the fun out of it. Or terror, whichever.

Beauty and the Beast

Everyone, entering -any- relationship always assumes that they’re the ‘beast’ of it. Unless of course they’re self-centered pricks. But in most there’s the common thought of “I don’t deserve them.” You feel as if you’re somehow taking advantage of them. Either you believe they have a false impression of you, that you aren’t up to their standards, they’re too loving, or the all-around: “They’re too good for me,” “Someone else must be better for them,” or “They’d be better off without me.” -Eventually- they might get it through to you that none of it’s true, but the best thing to do is try and remember that they’re thinking the same things.

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise

Being a paradox seems to be part of love’s nature. Like I said, it’s the same story over and over and -over-, but it’s new every time. No matter how many of those damned trashy true-love romances you read, if it ever hit -you- it wouldn’t feel like you’d been imagining. It’s not -quite- all hearts and flowers, after all. Your body, hormones and all, gets involved as hell. People might -talk- about loving like that without needing to touch, but either they aren’t -really- feeling it or they’re lying through their teeth.

Ever as before

It’s amusing how history repeats itself. Well, you can laugh at it as long as you aren’t centrally involved in the repetition, at least. My brat follows me too well, though the pattern isn’t -quite- the same. I wonder how many years he can dance around it. I’m fairly sure it won’t just get buried, I’ve watched it build between them, slow and steady, water piling up against the dam. Eventually, it will break. A single touch might be the last straw. I occasionally amuse myself by wondering where they’ll be when it happens. To extend my metaphor, when that dam finally goes, there will be a -lot- of water backed up behind it.

Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

They’re going to get caught by it eventually, ready or not. I certainly wasn’t. Of course, unless one of them -really- gets a clue they won’t be able to get the jump on the other one. Besides, if it hadn’t happened to me like that, it likely never would have come about at all.

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song

I’m sure I’ve already said that this is the oldest story in the book, if not the -only- kind there is. It’s also in all that damned human music the Brat and his sister listen to at nerve-wracking volumes. Hell, it’s even in their advertisements! It would likely shock most people who know me (well, except the closest) if I told them they had those kinds of stories on Vejiita-sei, too. Oh, they didn’t play out in quite the same way, but it was there. If I were anyone -but- the Prince, or my life had gone differently, I wouldn’t have resisted the idea so strongly. Saiya-jin were hardly cold-hearted bastards among themselves. Brutal, yes. Prideful, yes. Certain of their superiority, yes. But it was only when interacting with -other- species that we would show no feelings besides blood-lust. Consider it racial arrogance and pride. Feelings can only be a weakness if others know about them. I simply had the misfortune of being raised almost entirely in the presence of other species, and the mask became permanent.

Bittersweet and strange

I wonder how long it will take the Brat and the Boy to decide that it’s worth it. They’ll lose thing, but what is a gain without a loss? Eventually they won’t even miss them. Like the Boy’s damned mother’s influence, or the image of what they -thought- their lives would be. They’re going to be moving about blind. I suppose, after the first hurdle or two we could move to help guide them… Wouldn’t do to lead them by the hand the entire way. Of course, things eventually fall into place when you’re on your own, but until then… Hmph, I’ll have to consult about this.

Finding you can change

Changing is both hardest and easiest, which meshes well with the entire nature of love. It can be what you resist the most, thinking perhaps that -they- should be changing for -you-, but you’re doing it before you even notice. Most of the time they don’t even -ask-, and you shift to fit them. It’s only fair, because they’re doing the same for you. I’m not sure quite how my Brat will change, but I’ve got some thoughts about the Boy. Less serious, less driven by outside expectations, more humor. But who knows, maybe my Brat will bury himself in all those damned books right beside him.

Learning you were wrong

I’ve heard that one of the most important parts of a relationship is being able to admit you’re wrong and apologize. Anyone who knows me at -all- will probably see that I had a hard time with it. I’m still not sure whether it’s harder to admit fault about big things or little things. The big ones are more important to you, but you’ll generally get confronted about them. Little things can get ignored. I had a lot of big things, a couple little ones. They’ve got just about the opposite. I’ll have to wait and see how it goes.

Certain as the sun
Rising in the east

They’re getting closer. It’s going to happen -soon- now. Though I wasn’t expecting it, I think the Boy might have a better idea of what’s going on. He got rid of that self-centered little bitch he called a wife. Technically, I suppose, she divorced him, but he won in court so the kid is his. I think that’s to her benefit. And even if she’s the one who filed, I could tell he was getting restless, and likely managed to encourage her on that path without letting her realize it. All that psychology he’s taken is apparently useful here. If he’d actually -wanted- to keep her, he could have used it for that, too, and she still wouldn’t have been the wiser. No one ever said that she was -really- intelligent. She may have figured out that he killed Cell, yet she -still- didn’t connect him to the “golden warrior” stuff until she -saw- him change, even though all recordings of the Cell Game show him in Super Saiya-jin. Hn. Maybe that’s one reason he got rid of her: she’s not too smart. The Brat is intelligent, though. Even if he does occasionally try to fake “dumb fighter” to get out of things.

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme

They finally did it, and I won my bet, though by a smaller margin than I’d thought. I don’t know whether they’ll really need any help or not, they seem to do better than we did. The Boy’s mother nearly had a heart attack, and fainted dead away, which was endlessly amusing. They stood up to her, though, which is a damned good sign. The Spawn was patting himself on the back the entire time, which seemed to surprise -them-. I don’t know how much influence he had in finally forcing them to admit their feelings, but he certainly -acts- like he orchestrated the entire thing. We, of course, knew about it all along. But, I still won.

Beauty and the Beast

Now I’ve got to go collect my winnings from my mates. Though the deal was with the Shrew (she thought the others would be more observant), the Idiot promised to referee. He wasn’t sure about what his brats or mine would do, really, so stayed on the sidelines. There’s a brain in there somewhere. Maybe I can consider this a bit of payback for when they managed to trap me, with love. Of course, the “trap” is larger than my world used to be, once I realized the door was open. But it is amusing to play games with them. I never did have a change against them, though. Not when they work together.

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast


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