A/N : Superman by Five For Fighting
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naïve
I’m just out to find
the better part of me
In my minds eye I saw him standing there, calm as if he faced down monsters such as Cell everyday. Every motion had been perfect, just like him. I still can’t believe that I… have come to feel in this way…. And for a man. Not just any man. My rival. The one person in the universe that I have reason to hate. He is -was stronger than me, kinder than me, better than me. So fucking better than me. And yet… this emotion I had felt as I watched him take hit after hit… it had been all I could do to remain impassive and not jump in to help him. Take those hits for him. I don’t know when I began to feel this way. This… need. And he remained blissfully unaware of me. As it should be.
I’m more than a bird
I’m more than a plane
I’m more than some pretty face
beside a train
And it’s not easy
to be me
I remember, they were flying above the ring, their movements fast enough to blur even before my eyes. I barely held my façade together as Cell hit him with enough force to send him crashing into the ground. Kakarott… why couldn’t it have been me? It’s my fault that you had to fight him in the first place. If my damn pride hadn’t gotten in the way… I should have listened to… my son. I do feel, no matter what people think. My aggressiveness… my anger… my pride… it’s all a mask to keep them away from me. But one man cracked that mask… even if I keep trying to fool myself otherwise. And as I look into the sunset all I can see is his face…. in the clouds, smell him on the breeze.
Wish that I could cry
fall up on my knees
find a way to lie
‘bout a home I’ll never see
I crumble to my knees on the damp grass, on a cliff minutes away from the ocean. God know where I was, all I wanted to do was die. How could I have been so blind? The only time I ever cried was on Namek. In front of him. And yet the tears come as easily as they did on that day. I can feel them trickling down my cheeks but I make no move to brush them away. Crying. For him. Will he ever come back? His friends were going to wish him back. They should have done so by now. Why can’t I feel him? Why didn’t he come back?
I always found a way to lie to myself. To others. Make them believe whatever I told them. But with him… he saw through the lies… he saw me. The breeze caressed my face, cooling the tears still streaming from my eyes. They don’t seem to be able to stop. I wonder why? I didn’t even cry when Vegitasei… was destroyed. I’ll never see my home world ever again. Yet, I can’t seem to get upset about it.
It may sound absurd
but don’t be naïve
even heroes have
the right to leave
My feelings are confusing. Why must I continue to act like this? Why can’t I just tell him? My very being is contradicted. Yes and No. Right and Wrong. I can’t help but wish that I as innocent and naïve as Kakarott, carefree and content. I suppose it’s not my lot in life. My life has consisted of killing, for money, for strength, for power. Thousands, if not millions have fallen before me, yet I didn’t give a qualm until after I met Kakarott. His passive strength to rise to the occasion, his burning need to fight. His mercy. At first that was what infuriated me, yet I have grown to… appreciate that about him. He is the opposite of my own dark, tainted soul. In a way… he completes me. Yet if he desires to leave, I have no will to stop him. The sun has set; he still has not returned. Maybe all he wishes is peace. Yet why can’t he have peace with me?
I may be disturbed
But what you can’t see
even heroes have the right to dream
and it’s not easy
to be me
What is it that compels me to wait here, desolate on this cliff, overlooking the quiet lapping of the waves. The stars sparkle overhead. I have lost track of the time; time has no meaning to me as I grieve. Yes grieve. Kakarott… why did you leave me? I know I didn’t give you any reasons to stay… but surely you saw my desire when you looked…? Or didn’t I even give you that opening? Did you only glimpse my true self? Catch for an instant the feelings I have been harboring… for you? Or did you only see my disguise?
My feelings are even more mixed. Have I been brooding this long? I can’t even see the lines that I should not cross. The others, your friends, Kakarott, they have not come looking for me. I don’t think they will either. Are you a hero, Kakarott? If you aren’t, you were the closest thing to one. A hero. I wish to all the gods you were my hero. Save me from myself. Yet I wonder… what did you dream of? Do heroes dream? Do I have the right to dream?
Up ahead a way away from me
well it alright
you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy
or anything
Are you up there Kakarott? In the stars? I wonder if there is an afterlife… are you in it? Will I be with you when I die? The quiet breeze is all my answer. Are you sleeping? Or training? It’s all I can do not to break down. The one force securing my world is gone. Did you know that you were the only thing that was keeping me alive? I have nothing else to live for. Bulma never held my heart as you do, Kakarott. She is not my reason for living. You were. Trunks… I suppose that is one reason. Not that I’ll ever admit it to anyone. But he can’t replace you. I… loved you. I still do. Kami! I love you, Kakarott.
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naïve
men weren’t meant to ride
with clouds between their knees
Kakarott… where are you? I don’t want to move for fear I might forget you. Yet, I know in my heart… I’ll never forget you. My rival. My love. God, I sound to pathetic. Well, to point out pathetic, how about that cloud you always used to ride? Kinto-un? Was that it’s name? You always looked like a child when you laughed with glee as you sped through the air. Damn it, am I reduced to such weak thoughts? How beautiful you were when you fought? Your perfect body… not that I was looking.
I’m only a man
My silly red sheet
Taken for kryptonite
on this one way street
I’m only a man, Kakarott. Or a Saiya-jin if you prefer. My pride is the only thing between me and taking my own life. How can I be so weak? So spineless? Am I the only one who has ever felt like this? God… why does life go on when a calamity of this proportion has occurred? Have the others no idea of his sacrifice? Or do they only regard him as once again having saved the earth? I am the Saiya-jin no ouji. The Prince of the Saiya-jin. Yet, I feel this way for you, Kakarott! You, a lowly third class soldier! Your actions prove you different, however, you are more noble than any King. It is I who is not worthy of you.
Only a man
My phony red sheet
looking for special things
inside on me
inside of me
I will always love you, Kakarott, you baka! I may be a Ouji, but I am only mortal. One day we will be united again. And I will tell you how I feel. I won’t let my pride interfere. I will try to make up for the actions of my lifetime, try to pattern my life after your example, yet I am unsure how the results will be. Anything to be with you again. Even if you don’t love me, even if the world crumbles beneath my feet, I will go through anything to but be at your side. To fight with you, to fight beside you. To see you through your pain, your happiness, your sorrow, your joy. To be with you always, until the end of time. That is the extent of my feeling for you, you baka. You have my heart. You always will.
inside of me
I turn to go, I have consoled myself and set a path of action for the future. I will live for you, Kakarott. And one day we will be reunited. I feel a rush of air behind me… and I feel his chi… my body turns slowly as if trapped in gelled water. I see his orange gi first, my gaze traveling up to the piece of his chest he always leaves exposed. His face. The same as always, only… there is something in his eyes. When he looks at me.
“Vegita.” The word is spoken so softly I barely hear it.
“Kakarott. Why are you here?”
inside of me
“For you.” His words catch me off guard. My eyes widen slightly. He continues speaking, softly and with confidence. “While you were here I have been watching. In the over-world, you can feel what a person is thinking… if you are close enough to them.”
My breath catches in my throat. Has he felt… everything? My complete breakdown? How could I have even let that happen?
“You don’t have to be ashamed, Vegita.” He smiles at me. My knees weaken as I see a new light in his eyes… could it be? Is it a dream? Is it really what I see?
“You see… I think I love you too.” Ever the frank one. He has put everything out in the open the those three, no four words. Maybe he isn’t so naïve. Dare I even hope?
He moves to catch me in his arms as my legs give out completely. So much emotion in one night for one who has not shown any in a lifetime. I bury my face in his chest and clutch at the face of his gi.
“Are… are you real?” My voice is horse.
“Hai… I’m real.” He responds, a slight lilt to his voice. Humor? Possibly.
inside of me
“How... how can you be here? I saw you die!” I whisper, the tears staring to flow again.
“Shh, Vegita. Don’t you think I can get some favors for saving the world? But I have to go back soon… I couldn’t leave you like this.”
His arms tighten around me, and for the first time in my life, I feel safe. Content. Do I love this man? Yes. I would trade my life in an instant for his. The tears stop. I am in his arms and I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the universe.
“Kakarott…”
“Yes, Vegita?” I tighten the grip I have on his waist, for the first time in his embrace insecure.
“I have to tell you something.”
I’m only a man
My phony red sheet
“Before you go. I know you already know what it is… I still need to tell you.” I can’t believe I’m doing this. This weakness is unforgivable. Yet, his very presence is comforting. And for once, he remains silent, giving me the room to speak without interruption.
“I… I care for you. More than anyone else in my life. Come back to me.”
He brushes his hand across my back, and I allow it. All of my shields have been torn apart. I have nothing left to my but my pride, yet with him… it’s not an issue. For him, he shall see my real side. Let the others see the mask. For him… he is my other half.
“I know, Vegita. You don’t have to say anything.”
I’m not embarrassed. With him, everything comes naturally. Nothing seems strange, yet the very event is surreal.
I’m only a man
looking for a dream
I finally gather the courage to look up into his face, carefully keeping all walls off my own. God he is beautiful. He raises a hand and strokes my cheek softly.
“I wish I could be with you forever, Vegita. I feel like if you left me, a part of me would go as well.”
“But you still have to go.”
He sighs. “I’m sorry Vegita. I should have asked them to wish me back. They would have found a way, but I didn’t think you cared. The same way I do. About you.”
Words don’t express what is going on between us now. The silent communion as the wind blows around us, the waves lap at the shore, and the stars sprinkle us with light. His face draws nearer to my own and I hold my breath in anticipation. Is he really? And then… his lips descend on my own.
I’m only a man
My phony red sheet
My dream has come true. How has this happened? I really don’t have a clue. All I’m aware of is his lips meshing with my own, his exquisite taste dancing on the tip on my tongue. My pride is still there, I am still the Saiya-jin no Ouji, but I feel different than before. I am complete. I lose myself in his embrace; it’s not hard to do. Just this moment. For him, for me. For us. I love him. Our love is eternal. We are two pieces to the same puzzle, one made for the other. I complement him, he complements me. Are we soul mates? Two halves to one whole? He is me. I am him. I believe.
And It’s not easy
It’s not easy
To be
Me
And then… he is gone. I feel him disappear in my arms, yet I feel no pain this time around. Was it because he was already dead? No. That isn’t it. I still feel him with me. He will come back. I know it. And I will wait. For him, I will wait forever. With him, I will never be alone. It may not be easy to live without his presence near me, but I will. I have reason to live. He is my reason. I gather myself again and steel the masks back into place. What we have is for us alone. I will not let anyone interfere with what we have taken so long to finally admit. It may not be easy… but I will be me. I take off into the air towards where Bulma lives, where I have taken up residence as well. I will wait for you Kakarott. Always and forever. Sanshuunoomoi desu.
