Welcome to DBZ Love Garden

We had said since we were chibis, that if we didn't kiss, we weren't gay. I think, at the time, neither one of us really knew what gay was. Only that it was something we weren't supposed to be. Okaasan said that gay people had it tougher, rougher, and that was simply something…unnatural about it. And Oniichan, when I asked, in his most polite way possible, had hinted that, perhaps, it wasn't the best time for me to be making such a big decision.

I didn't know what the big effing deal was. And you know what…I still don't. I hear the catch words everyday now-social outcasts, loose, promiscuous, HIV positive, diseased…

Unnatural.

But…to be perfectly honest, I don't know these words, I guess like I didn't know gay when I was seven. When I first let Trunks-kun touch my dick.

It was chibi stuff-nothing heavy. I mean, what can you really do at seven anyway? All you know is that the thing you pee with sometimes spontaneously sticks out like a flagpole, and that your mother's getting increasingly uncomfortable about letting you run around naked like you used to.

Funny, though…she never had a problem with me taking baths with Trunks-kun. I think, in a lot of ways, there were words my mother didn't know, too. But when you're that young it's hard to believe that your parents don't know absolutely everything.

My Otousan, after I met him, knew things that had blown my super-excited chibi mind out of the water. Talking rapidly about meeting gods, and fighting aliens, and I even saw him fight a Majin once…

But he didn't know many words, either. And I don't think gay was one of them.

So when Trunks-kun and I started playing around, we didn't think anything of it. Instinctively, I think, we both realized that we couldn't let anybody know about it, that, as dirty as it sounds, it had to be our secret. Which was fine; as chibis we reveled being in our own little made-up merry-go-round world. Unstoppable and unsympathetic to those that suffered our consequences.

But when you're seven you're thinking in small terms. Like putting glue on the faucet, and turning your mother's potted plants upside down.

You never think that sentiment will come back to haunt you.

….

To be honest, I don't know why I'm writing this. I've never been one with words-Trunks-kun's always made me comfortable with the knowledge that he's got my back when it comes to all things communicative. I wasn't a big talker as a kid, and that's carried on to adulthood. I'm just the quiet, observant, flannel-wearing cliché of an art student.

I'm in his bed, in his dorm, and he's asleep beside me. It's raining outside, if you're interested, and the soft blue of the computer screen's highlighting the lavender of his hair this sexy silver colour. His back's to me, but that's common enough; since we were chibis we knew that we would always have each other covered. Don't know why I mentioned it…my Lit professor says you have to create an atmosphere or something when you right. I think that was my attempt at it. I've probably gone and screwed it up by talking about it.

But anyway…that's not what this is about. I'm not sure what that is yet, but Oniichan always said if I had a problem, one of the best ways to work it out was to write about it.

So I am. I guess, in the end, these are just words, too…

I'm not sure if words helped or hindered us when we were younger. When I was ten, and Trunks-kun eleven, we found a book under Ouji-san's bed-Gay Sex: The Big Book of Men Loving Men. I'll never forget the fascinated look Trunks had on his face when we flipped through it with a flashlight under the blankets after everyone had gone to sleep. I'm sure it was on my own, too.

Did I mention it was fully illustrated…?

Yup, every other page drawn with a mediocre hand detailed the positions and fundamentals of gay sex. We thought it was the greatest thing since spicing the cake with curry at Oniichan's wedding to Beetle-san. See, with Trunks-kun embarrassment wasn't a word I knew. We were like brothers-thick like that, and I was glad, when we went to different colleges, that we didn't drift apart or any after-school-special sorta thing like it.

There was really no reason. Our fusion can fly around the world almost ten times in twenty minutes so getting over two cities to see Trunks-kun was easy as eating apple pie.

Fucking him was more like sugar-sweet cherry. The kind that inevitably drips down your chin no matter how close you hold the napkin.

Ef…I'm hungry…damn mini-fridge all the way across the room…

Heh. The only person I know who can have left over caviar next to a half empty jar of crunchy peanut butter. I think that describes him, though. He's always had more money than god-and I can attest to that-but I've never been bothered by it. My mother was always the one obsessed with wanting more than she had. I was just glad for his company.

And I think that's why we've stayed friends for so long. I don't know how many times he's called me between now and high school to huff and complain about some girl he found out was only in it for his name.

He didn't even have to call that time his mother put some girl up to it. I just went when his ki unexpectedly shot through the roof.

Personally…I think Bulma-san knew the word gay. And I think she was afraid of it.

Funny how it's usually the opposite. It's generally your father that's supposed to have a conniption when he finds out you prefer the company of other men. I don't know if it's Saiyans, or if Trunks-kun and I just sorta…lucked out or something. It may have taken me almost ten years to realize it, but Ouji-san's not that careless. You can't find a wrinkle in his spandex, let alone a big gay sex manual just chillin under his pillow like it was written, inked, and processed there between the Downy Soft and the fresh scent of new sheets.

Apparently Ouji-san's not as bad as everyone figures. Truth is, if it weren't for that book, Trunks and I wouldn't have known the first thing about it. And that's dangerous when you're thirteen and hard as hell. Nothing's fool proof-we have hurt each other accidentally, but it could have been much worse. You don't think about things like condoms and lube at thirteen, or that a non-water based lubricant can cause too much friction, and has the potential to break through the rectal wall. You don't think about the hygenics, the possibility of pain with intercourse, or that masturbation is a natural thing encouraged for a healthier sex life when you're older.

And it worked. I can say that with confidence. At fifteen I was struggling to last more than five minutes. Now, when Trunks-kun and I have sex, it's long, slow, and phenomenal. That's what taking the time to jerk off everyday'll do for you.

I thanked him once, Vegeta-san I mean. I 'conveniently' arranged to meet my father for a spar near his frequented training ground and 'forgot' to show up. I'm not trying to say that Ouji-san's gay or anything, I just think that he and my father need to talk. All I know is that I'd go insane if I didn't see Trunks-kun at least every other day. Living in a human world can be really straining. I can only imagine how it affects Ouji-san.

He's gonna be up soon. Sun's kinda making its way through the haze and I can see my fingers on the keys now and read the faded little white letters. Part of me gets that schoolboy thrill from knowing that my fingers are going over the same worn paths that he travels everyday.

See…I think I'm in love with my best friend. I've had several girl friends, but none of them lasted longer than a month. They usually leave out of neglect…because I'm always with him.

The last girl I dated even said it, "You'd be better off with your boyfriend", and as much as I hated to admit it, my heart started to beat pretty fast and my cheeks flushed so deep she actually thought I was confessing it to her. That was a word I hadn't known could exist for me.

Boyfriend.

Because when you're a chibi, your parents tell you you're going to grow up and marry 'some nice young lady' when you're older. They don't tell you you're going to fall for your best friend.

And they never ask you if you have a boyfriend.

I think someone should write a parental dictionary defining all the words my Okaasan seemed to ignore-gay, bisexual, boyfriend, same sex, attraction, erection, understanding, compatible, soul mate, happiness…

Trunks-kun makes me happy. Being with Trunks-kun gives me a thrill unlike anything else. Even my art doesn't do for me what he does. Being with Trunks…is like working with charcoal-hands on, messy as hell, unerringly fun, and definitively rewarding.

And when I wake up in the morning, the picture's still as good as I remember it.

Maybe that's why I'm an artist; words don't matter. People say that words can hurt you, but I think it's more the lack of them that does the damage. If I had known more…

I don't know how to end that sentence. …I wouldn't have been with Trunks? …I would have told him how I felt earlier? …It would have been easier?

I have no idea. Is it ever easy to say those words? Rejection is such a powerful deterrent…

And I am a Son. No matter how well you think out the phrase, it twists in your mouth and spits out more than you meant, or less than you meant, or not what you meant at all. After that, you're at the mercy of your partner to either end your suffering or weed through the muddle and try to salvage your original intent. I wonder if I can sue my parents on the basis of genetic inequality.

Probably not, ne? Well…I think someone should. It's hardly fair that I go through life with half a knowledge base just because my mother's too scared or too narrow-minded to see beyond the box.

Thank Dende for art school. No, I'm serious. One of the first things the professors tell you is to forget everything you've ever known. They unmake the teachings and reinstate a way of thinking that has nothing to do with convention. I think, aside from Trunks-kun, that college is one of the best things that ever happened to me. It got me out of the house, away from my mother and her irritatingly small passenger-side view of the world, and into a place that not only knew what I was, but taught me to appreciate the uniqueness.

It may sound corny, but when you live under a rock your entire life, the cliché is a welcome switch.

I guess…what I'm saying is…

I want Trunks.

For more than the occasional jerk off.

For more than the blowjobs and mind-blowing fucks.

For more than my best friend.

For more than my confidant.

For more than convention allows.

I want Trunks-kun to be my boyfriend. See…I did something tonight I've never done before. After we had sex and joked about the bad porn on television…

I kissed him.

I kissed him in a way that had nothing to do with head, or sex, or stimulation. I kissed him on the lips and I loved it.

And what's better is…he kissed back. I tasted his tongue for the first time and it was like I'd been lied to my whole life, like all I had been allowed were a series of shorts when a full-length feature was so much more fulfilling. It was like eating popcorn at a drive-in and soda from the tap. It was caramel candy apples and reading the big gay book under the covers when we were supposed to be asleep. It was Okaasan in a good mood, and going out with Oniichan for ice cream. It was fishing with Otousan, and getting sick on a carnival ride. It was flying so high you could see the stars in the daytime…

It was all the things I loved in life and it was Trunks.

We didn't say anything after we kissed, didn't have sex, or even attempt anything beyond affection. It was nice to lie in the curl of his arm, to drape my leg over his hip, to smell the clean conditioned scent of his hair as it tickled my nose. He says he wanted to cut it again, but he hasn't done it yet. I don't mind. It kind of wraps me in his scent and keeps from straying too far into the future.

Because I know my mother's going to have a fit, and Gohan's going to give me 'a talk'.

But right now I don't give a shit.

See…I don't know a lot of words, and those I have known have a tendency to be false. But there is a word that I know and that no one else can contradict.

Aishiteru, Trunks-kun.