Videl has passed away and Gohan has totally lost it, among other things he has told his mother what a bitch she is… Gohan has vowed never to practice medicine again
Graphic ViolenceDeathfic
Chapter 01: Without You I just Can’t Go On
“Don’t leave me in all this pain. Don’t leave me out in the rain. Come back and bring back that smile, come and take theses tears away. I need your arms, to hold me now. Time is so unkind. Bring back those nights when I held you beside me. Un-break my heart, Say you love me again. Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life. Un-cry these tears, I’ve cried so many nights, Un-Break my heart, Oh baby, Come back and say you love me, Un-Break My Heart, sweet darling, Without you I jus cant go on. – Dianne Warren (Toni Braxton)
Gohan sat in the darkness, staring off into space. He hadn’t moved in quite some time. His back was beginning to hurt, but he didn’t care, it didn’t matter anymore, nothing did. His right hand was placed on top of hers and he stroked her fingers with his. Her hands… Her hands were so cold, and they would never be warm again. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. Lightning flashed outside, briefly illuminating the small hospital room, casting horrible shadows on the walls and floor. A disconnected life support monitor sat in the corner, a gaping hole through the back; a bent I.V. pole was stuck in a nearby wall. By the looks of the room, one would conclude that a tornado had hit, but in reality, it was just one grief stricken man.
“Videl… I…I… I’m sorry”
Gohan whispered that one phrase repeatedly. The guilt and grief formed knots in his stomach as salty teardrops fell on his shirt from his bloodshot eyes. Cancer… Of all things in the world to take her away from him, it had to be the thing he had devoted his adult life to curing. Why? Why could he save so many others, but not the woman he loved? He’d been sitting in the dark, asking himself that question for hours now. In fact, he hadn’t left her side since the final moments of her life, and it seemed as if he’d never let go. Rigor mortis had set in a while ago, however; no one in the hospital dared try to collect her corpse. He continued to sit, holding his private vigil, when the door opened and a sliver of blue-white florescent light flooded into the darkness, casting its form on his back as he sat, hunched over Videl’s lifeless form.
“Gohan, That’s enough… it’s time to let go.”
The voice was sharp and authoritative. At its highest point it cracked, which only added to the coldness of the speaker’s tone. A woman entered the room, flicked on the bright florescent light, walked over and put her hand on Gohan’s shoulder. He looked up at her, and wiped his eyes, growling slightly.
The woman ignored this; she had handled Gohan before. She stood there tapping her foot impatiently, she rolled her eyes and sharply rolled her neck, she wiped a single strand of hair from in front of her left eye, speaking again as if it were an afterthought.
“Son… I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
Gohan gently placed Videl’s hand back on her other one, which lay on her stomach as he stood. In doing so he crushed his glasses (which had fallen from his face some time ago) under his right foot. The crunching sound echoed in the small hospital room and the sound sent a shiver down the woman’s spine. She could feel the change in his demeanor, in his energy. Gohan took another loving look at his wife, her wedding ring still as bright as the day he put it on her finger. It stood there as a testament to how he’d failed her, laughing at him. All this time… all this time he had let Chi-chi run his life. He took her side, every single time, and now… now there would never be another chance to make things right.
“You know, you’re a real piece of work Mom.”
Gohan sneered as he pushed his power level up enough to push her away. Chi-chi blinked at the statement, but just stood there for a moment, more than a little shocked. Gohan pushed his chair out of the way, and walked over to, and past her hanging his head. Standing beside her, and facing the door. He raised his head, he’d come too far to turn back now. He spit his words out at her as if they were fire blasts, fully intending to get his point across.
“Don’t pretend that you loved Videl, or that you even liked her. For years you were so cruel to her, you disrespected her, and yes, you were even a downright bitch to her at times… She was MY WIFE! I don’t know why you hated her. I don’t know what pissed you off more… was it that YOU didn’t choose her for me? Or could it be that she was a strong woman, who could match me, and handle you while still remaining graceful, and calm? Or, was it simply because I LOVED HER?!”
Chi-chi stood there, dumbfounded. Gohan had never spoken to her this way before, in all his life, he had barely raised his voice, and she didn’t like it, not one bit. Sure, he had been rebellious at times, going off to fight, and scaring her half to death with his drive to be like Goku, but she had broken him of that desire long ago. Her right index finger shot into the air, she intended to put him in his place. How dare he speak to his mother in that manner! However, as soon as she opened her mouth to speak, Gohan interrupted her. He turned to her, and looked her straight in the eyes. Gohan’s own dark eyes flashed with a deep suppressed rage.
“Shut the fuck up… I don’t want to hear it… My whole life… You had my whole life planned out from the start. When I look back on it, I was such a wimp. If it wasn’t for Piccolo, and Dad, I would have been more of a sniveling punk than I am now! I could stand up to everyone else… eventually… But never you. If I wasn’t such a coward there would have been no way Cell could’ve killed Dad. It was YOUR influence on me that held me back. I was a Saiyan damn it! Fighting is in my blood. It’s all I ever wanted to do, but OH NOOOO! You just had to have a ‘big time doctor’ for a son, someone you could brag about… Well look at me now MOTHER. Some doctor I am… I couldn’t save the woman I loved, the woman who gave me so much. So, don’t you dare offer me your phony condolences!”
He stopped there, the flood gates had been opened, and his feelings were out there now. He stood there in silence, hoping she’d just leave, leave and let him stay with his love. That was all he desired at the moment. He tried to suppress the growing rage that had sparked inside of him. It had started from the moment that Videl closed her eyes for the last time. It continued to grow as he listed his failures in his mind, worsening as Kibitoshin, and Dende made their attempts to coax him into letting go, and leaving her. He tried to calm his mind and let go, but he couldn’t see a future without her and the more he thought about it the colder his heart grew. Then suddenly, the rage was stronger, stronger than it had ever been. Gohan hadn’t felt this level of rage since the death of Android 16 at the hands of Cell, so long ago. Even the death of Piccolo, his mentor less than 5 years ago didn’t hurt this much.
He stepped away from her and walked toward the door, the flames of his energy leapt from him at an alarming rate. His right hand balled into a fist, and in a split second he struck the doorframe, a section of the wall crumbled as well. Chi-chi bravely walked up to her eldest son, and put her hand on his shoulder once more, in an attempt to comfort him.
“I know how it feels to lose a mate, remember, I have spent years at a time without your father. I had to raise you and Goten on my own…”
Gohan growled; it was not as if she didn’t have a hand in at least one of Goku’s deaths, he shook his head. She had to play the martyr – as usual.
“Mother, this time it’s not about you. No, I take that back, it’s always been about you. You have to control everyone’s life and you hate it when you don’t get your way. That’s why Dad left you! And do you know who actually made him happy? Your need for perfection and control pushed Dad straight into Vegeta’s arms!”
As soon as Gohan said the words, he wished he hadn’t, for Chi-chi’s face crumbled and she fell to her knees crying on the cold white hospital linoleum. Now she knew the pain he felt, and while it felt good to finally tell her exactly what he’d been holding back for so long, it still wasn’t a substitute for the love of Videl, and seeing his mother cry only made him feel worse inside.
That was three hours ago. Chi-chi had slapped Gohan hard for the remark he made, and rather than do something that he’d really regret, he turned and ran. He ran from her into the night, just as the clouds broke and shed their payload across the land, drenching him immediately as he ran from the hospital as quickly as his legs would take him. He tripped on an uneven patch of asphalt and fell to the ground, tearing his shirt. His hands were slightly scraped and bleeding a little, as he struggled to his feet, catching his breath as he looked down at them. Thin lines of blood came to the surface of his broken skin, only to be washed away by the all-consuming rain. They were useless. He tore off his tie and screamed to the heavens, as sobs racked his body. He punched the ground hoping to break his hands, if he could; he would have cut them off right then… from that moment on, as Gohan cried and mourned in the middle of the growing storm, he vowed never to practice medicine again.
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