Welcome to DBZ Love Garden

From this angle, the hairline cracks in his ceiling looked like the outline of a time machine. Sighing, Gohan turned, resting his head on the other end of the bed. Now it looked like Trunks’s hair in his ascended form… This was not helping. Fine, whatever… He didn’t want to move again so he stared at the cracks as if they had personally offended him. It was only mid-afternoon; way too early to just go to bed. If he took a nap right now he would just end up staring at these cracks in the dark later when he couldn’t sleep. He sighed again. At least this wasn’t as bad as having gone with his Dad and Goten to train would have been. If he had to listen to his Dad’s too cheerful voice telling him to focus on his attack pattern right now, his head was going to explode. Goten didn’t need to see that.

His stomach growled angrily at him. Mom was out shopping and he hadn’t bothered to get up and make himself lunch a few hours ago. The only thing that sounded even remotely good was ice cream… What the hell, he thought, there was no one here to stop him… He swung his legs off the edge of his bed and used his ki to float limply along the hallway and stairs not really wanting to walk. Floating in front of the fridge, which his mother would hate, he grabbed a carton of double fudge brownie ice cream out of the freezer and took it back up to his room. He ate it listlessly, enjoying the act of rebellion more than the actual food.

Gohan heard the front door open and his mom coming in with the groceries. Normally he would have gone down and helped her unload and put them away but she probably didn’t realize he was even home right now and he didn’t feel like getting up.

Running through her mental food inventory as she put everything away, Chichi immediately noticed a carton of ice cream was missing from the freezer. Sighing and looking in the direction of where her eldest son’s room was, she closed the freezer and decided to put away the rest of the cold items before addressing that.

There was a knock on Gohan’s door. Damn, she must have noticed the ice cream missing, Gohan realized. Mom kept track of food like it was the time of day… She kind of had to with three saiyans in the house so he couldn’t really blame her but he found himself wanting to for some reason. He made no effort to conceal the half eaten carton.

“What do you want?” he said, not inviting her to enter but knowing she would anyway. His mom’s knocks operated on more of a cursory, ‘holler if you’re naked because I’m coming in now’ type of system. Chichi opened the door, seeing Gohan sprawled out on the bed with the missing ice cream sitting on the floor melting. She walked over and picked it up off the floor, placing the lid back on as she looked at him pointedly.

“I’ll eat whatever I want to – I’m 18 already anyway” he huffed, looking at the wall with his arms crossed, not meeting her eyes.

“Yes, Gohan, I know exactly how old you are” she said softly as she reached down to take one of his hands into hers. After a moment, he looked up at her, wondering why she just sat there without scolding him…

“Do you want to talk about it?” she said as his eyes finally met hers.

“Talk about what?” he said, confused yet defensive. Chichi squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile.

“I may have married your father young but I did do my fair share of pining away for him before that, I remember what it looks like honey” she informed him. Gohan pulled his hand away in surprise.

“What? What are you talking about? I’m fine” he said, rolling over to his stomach on the other side of the bed, blushing furiously. He turned his head to look out the window, hoping she would get the point but strangely hoping that they would get into a yelling match right now after all. At least it would take his mind off of other things if he could get mad at her. Unfortunately, she didn’t rise to the bait. Standing with a sigh, she told him he could always come to her with anything as she turned to leave. Since when was she so understanding? Just a handful of weeks ago, over the summer, she had practically blown his and Goten’s ear drums out when they had a popsicle too close to dinner time… Whatever. He rolled his eyes as the door closed behind her.

Laying there watching a fly buzz around his room, Gohan’s eyes began to droop. The memories began to bubble back to the surface as his subconscious took over. Blue eyes drilled into his, full of pain and shock before vanishing into oblivion. He reached out, trying to grasp onto him too late, only to find his hand covered in blood. He would look down now, seeing blood everywhere… Yes, that was how it went… It was almost worse for being a lucid dream because he seemed to see everything in double, watching himself in the nightmare. Grave markers swam into his vision and his heart rate sky rocketed. A huddled form cried against the middle marker. Suddenly Gohan was wrapped in a warm embrace, his lips tingling with the pleasure of another’s pressed to his; only to have it ripped away as Trunks climbed back into his time machine… So many different versions of the past swam in his head that he seriously felt like giving up on keeping them all straight when awake; in sleep it was impossible. He awoke with a shout as Trunks was shot through the heart by Cell in his nightmare. After rubbing his abused brain for a moment, he got up, seeing that it was evening now and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face.

He barely even noticed Goten trying to talk to him in the hallway, brushing by him absently with a “not now kid” and a wave of his hand, too lost in thought to see the worried hurt in his brother’s eyes. Gohan stared at himself in the mirror for a few minutes after drying his face. The dark circles under his eyes were growing and he looked kind of pale but that was probably from having just woke up from those dreams again. He wondered how long this could go on before he went mad… And then a thought seemed to hit him out of the blue. Was this how Trunks felt too, having lost him? How had he dealt with it, how strong must he have been to keep going with all this bottled inside him? Stronger than I am, that’s for sure, Gohan thought bitterly.

Something was very wrong with Gohan but Goten had no idea what it was. A few weeks ago he started making excuses not to train when he and dad would go out and now he just outright refused to come along. He was starting to be afraid Gohan was really mad at him… It had hit him pretty hard, the antics he and Trunks had pulled last month. He had apologized at the time just like Trunks had but Trunks’s family wasn’t treating Trunks the same way Gohan was treating Goten…

A few days later, having woken from another nightmare of Trunks being ripped from his arms, Gohan felt the floodgates beginning to break. It was bad enough that he couldn’t stop himself from shouting out in his sleep but he refused to cry with everyone else listening to him. Well, his mother couldn’t hear through walls but he wasn’t in a mood to quibble. Throwing open his window, he flew outside and landed on the lawn, tears already streaming down his face. He had nowhere to go and his feet automatically began pulling him toward the forest. It was like a siren's call, that particular tree where everything hurt the worst.

Falling forward, Gohan finally let himself cry in earnest, hugging his knees and curling into a ball on the ground when he reached the site where his grave would have been. It would have been better if he had just died too, he thought, not realizing that he was speaking out loud.

Goten was just as confused as before, hearing Gohan mumble something about wanting to die without Trunks… That didn’t make any sense… Wanting to die was not ok… Goten listened quietly from his own window as the sobs died down. He grabbed his blanket from his bed and silently flew outside as well. Gohan was asleep under the huge tree at the edge of the forest. Goten spread his blanket out over him, snuggling up to him in the cold night. He was afraid for his brother after what he’d just heard, and was determined to not let anything happen to him or let him do anything to himself.

The next morning Gohan woke incredibly stiff. Between the hard ground and the cold air, it was probably one of the worst night’s sleep he’d ever gotten… Well, discounting his now normal dreams anyway. He was shocked to find himself covered in a blanket with Goten snuggled into his chest, sleeping soundly on the ground next to him.

“Goten,” he shook him gently, “What are you doing out here?”

“Oh, morning Gohan… I was worried about you…” he said with a yawn then gripping his big brother tight, he asked him sadly, “Are you mad at me, Gohan, for the wish me and Trunks made? I really am sorry…” he said, crying a bit.

“I’m not mad at you, Goten,” he sighed, holding him close, “Why would you think that?”

“Because you’ve been really sad and not wanting to be around me ever since then” Goten explained. Well, crap. Gohan sighed, he hadn’t realized he had been pushing Goten away in his depression but now that he pointed it out, he could see that he certainly had.

“I’m sorry, buddy – I didn’t mean to do that… I’ve just been really sad lately, like you said, and haven’t been treating you right… Do you think you can forgive me chibi?” Gohan asked.

“Of course… But, Gohan, do you really want to die?” he asked with eyes round as saucers. Gohan was sickened that Goten had heard that much, mentally chiding himself for being so weak.

“No, not really Goten” he said to him, “I was just super emotional last night because I had a bad dream, I’m ok now, I promise” he said, ruffling his little brother’s hair and plastering a smile across his face.

“Knowing I have such a great little brother helps a lot; thanks for being here for me, and for the blanket too, bro” he said, trying to lighten the mood. Goten seemed to accept this and they both headed inside – hopefully before their mother would notice them gone from their beds.

The next day a storm system had rolled in, drenching the surrounding area with thick sheets of rain. His dad and Goten would train in any weather, of course, not having to worry about silly things like catching cold or getting struck by lightening. Gohan sat in his room, trying to read, but the rain kept distracting him. He was overcome by the desire to feel those little droplets striking his skin so he opened the window once again and crawled out in to the deluge. He just stood there for a second, before turning his face up to the sky and closing his eyes. He felt more at peace than he had in weeks as the water gently collided with his upturned face. He began to walk forward, still with his eyes closed, feeling the current of raindrops whirl around him as he did.

That was were Bulma found him, standing in the rain in the middle of the field next to his house. She landed the Capsule plane expertly, jumping out into the weather without an umbrella or even hat; a little rain had never hurt anyone. She stood next to him, face turned toward the sky, not saying anything for a good 15 minutes. He finally cracked open an eye, looking at her surreptitiously.

“Hey, kiddo” she said.

“Hey, Bulma, what are you doing out here?” he said, referring to being in the rain and to being in their area.

“I was wondering if you remember when your ‘uncle’ Radditz kidnapped you?” she asked.

“What?” Why in the world would she fly all the way out here to ask him about that, he thought… “I guess so… I was pretty young, and spent most of the time either unconscious or locked in that space pod… Why do you ask?” he said curiously.

“I always wondered how much of that you could actually recall, it was probably the first traumatic experience you ever had.”

“Uh, yeah… I guess it was…” he said.

“Although I’m sure it wasn’t the worst one… God, remember Namek? And that was only like a year after that…” Suddenly Bulma burst out laughing, “And after all that even when Frieza came to Earth hunting us down, I still never got to see him, they were too far away for my ‘human’ eyes to make him out.”

Gohan snorted a half-laugh, “You didn’t miss much” he said, “Frankly, I could never make up my mind if ‘he’ was really supposed to be a boy or a girl.”

“That’s what your dad said too” Bulma giggled, “Vegeta won’t talk about it, of course, like it’s beneath him now but what else is new, right?” That won her a begrudging smile from Gohan.

“Oh! Oh, my gosh Gohan, remember when Vegeta was all like ‘I’m going to take on Android 18, all by myself’ and then got his ass handed to him? Remember how we used to make popcorn and watch the whole fight from 16’s memory log that I had uploaded? – that was priceless, absolutely gold” she laughed a good deep laugh over that one. Gohan joined her laughter too, remembering. He would murder them both in their sleep if he ever found out but it was still hilarious.

“It feels a little weird to be laughing now about all this stuff, I mean it was so horrifying at the time” Gohan said, still chuckling.

“I know what you mean,” she said a little more seriously, “I think it’s mostly to do with the fact that we did come through it alright after all, and that time has had a chance pass…” she squeezed his shoulder as she said the last part. Gohan looked down, away from her, realizing what she was doing.

“I know I, for one, am not ready to joke about Buu yet… But even that, someday, will just be another story to those of us left remembering” Bulma continued. Gohan didn’t say anything for a long moment, letting the rain fill the silence.

“I know what it’s like to lose people… It’s not that…” he started, hesitantly, “When dad died…” he stopped. Bulma didn’t rush him.

“It was different…” he said, looking up to the sky again, “I… I didn’t hold him in my arms, powerless while he faded away, trying to hold onto me too.” Tears mixed with rain drops on Gohan’s face.

“Oh, honey…” Bulma said, pulling him into a hug. He cried against her in the rain as she stroked his back, rocking him patiently until the tears stopped. When she could feel his sobs had ceased, she spoke to him softly.

“Sometimes, loving a prince is rough – their destinies are often so much more complex than ours” she whispered to him, “Just taking it one day at a time can help… I would know” she said firmly. He nodded his head in agreement, still buried against her shoulder.

“Thanks Bulma” he sniffled, pulling away, “you don’t happen to have any advise on nightmares, do you?”

“I think you might be in a position to handle them better if you weren’t pushing everyone away…” she suggested.

“I guess…”

“Hey, there’s a lot of people who love you very much, who are still around, kiddo, – I know what you’re missing isn’t the same as training with your dad, for instance but I remember a time not too long ago when you would have given anything to be able to train with him again…” she prompted him. Gohan sighed, she was right… And Goten… Damn, he felt ashamed of what had happened there too…

“How did you know I needed this talking to?” he asked her, searching the sky again.

“Your mom called me… She was hoping you would see me as less of a threat, I think – and Goten said something too, when he was over yesterday” she chided him softly, “He got mad at Trunks for hurting you somehow – I take it he heard more than he was supposed to…” she said as Gohan blushed furiously.

“God, I’m sorry Bulma, yes, that’s pretty much what happened – I promise I won’t let it happen again” he confessed, really hoping to never have to elaborate on what Goten had heard…

“It’s ok, don’t beat yourself up over it too hard kiddo, Goten will be ok as long as you really do snap out of it” she said.

“I hope so” he replied, “I’ve got to try to think of a way to make it up to him.”

“He’d probably just be happy to spend time with you again” she suggested, glad to see that he looked like he would be ok.

“Yeah, at the least… You know, I think I’m going to head over to where they’re training right now… Thanks Bulma!” he yelled back as he took off into the sky. She waved, watching him go, then gave a thumbs up to the house where she knew Chichi was watching from the window. Climbing back into her plane, she turned the heat on full-blast and headed home; she had never been one to just let things lay.

Gohan flew toward where he felt his dad and Goten’s ki coming from, hoping he wasn’t too late to join in. As he got closer, he felt a third ki with them as well. Waving as he approached the battle field, he called out to them,

“Hey guys, is it too late for me to jump in?”

Goten abandoned his spar immediately and flew, literally, into Gohan’s arms.

“Gohan! I’m so glad you came after all big brother!”

His dad just smiled and nodded, welcoming him to the fight.

“Good to have you back, kid” Piccolo said as he looked at him with one of those stares that said he knew more than he was letting on. Gohan blushed a little, feeling kind of foolish for having avoided everyone for so long.

“Thanks you guys, let’s get to it then, huh?” he powered up to match the other Super Saiyans around him and threw Goten, who giggled madly, at his dad as if he were a ki blast; then followed it with a real one. Goten swatted the blast away, letting it crash harmlessly to the barren rock below them, never so glad before to be attacked by his brother.