‘I’m so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears.’
How long has it been? Over ten years now? Too long I’m afraid. I’m sick of being here in this world without you. The nightmares that plagued me as a child still haunt my dreams, Master. I will never be free of the terror I grew up with. Living day to day, praying the androids wouldn’t spot you. You were the sunshine in my life. I lived each day just to be with you. I loved you so very much, and I’m not sure that you knew that I did. How can I live without you? I should have told you when I had the chance. Maybe you’d be alive and with me. Master…
‘And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
‘Cause your presence still lingers here,
And it won’t leave me alone.’
I swear I saw you the other day, standing amongst the rubble that still remains here. Clean up is so very slow after all the years that have gone by since I defeated them. I destroyed them for you. They took your life, and I took theirs, but it still wouldn’t bring you back. What an unfair trade. Why can’t I get you out of my life and mind? Why must I be tormented by your presence, when you’ve been dead for…I can’t start crying. Again.
Do you realize how hard it is for me to accept that you were gone in a heartbeat? My ray of hope, my guiding light snuffed. Why did you have to leave me to battle the androids by yourself? I wanted to go, to be by your side. You died alone, without anyone around to hold your hand while the pain devoured your soul. I wanted to be there, Gohan. I would have let the androids kill me, so that you wouldn’t have to be alone, so I wouldn’t be alone. With every turn, with every breath, I feel you here, Gohan. It’s tearing me apart inside.
‘These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase’
I lay awake at night, the pain too intense to continue on. My chest is tight, my throat raw from my sobs. Mother told me it would get easier as time went by, but time went by, and here I am, still in grief. Grief that will last until my final breath. Why did you have to leave me? I loved you so much. Why couldn’t you see that? Damn it, Gohan!
‘When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me’
I can look back on my memories, some were good, some I could do with out. The nights that you would cry in your sleep, I was there, Gohan. I was there to wipe the tears away. You feared for me as I feared for you. I was so scared after you lost your arm, all because of me. You cried out in pain and in fear, but I stayed by your side, holding your hand for dear life itself. I was so afraid to let go; afraid I’d lose you. I knew your pain. I had the same tormented pain dammed up inside me as well. We were meant to be together, Gohan. You had all of me in your hands, and your life was cut short before I could tell you…but I remain yours, and only yours after so many years.
‘You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me’
The first day that I met you, I considered the first day of the rest of my life. You were everything and more; a giant in real life. Every hope and dream revolved around the both of us. We have our freedom, and it’s me that has to live without you. We were supposed to live until we were old men, telling the tales of the androids to our grandchildren. Now I have to live with you just in my dreams. Your smiling face. Your smile could light up the gloomiest room, your eyes that were windows to your soul. I miss it all! Oh gods, your voice. I hear your voice at night, and I’d swear you were here with me. Telling me how proud you are of me. How beautiful I became. I can’t live like this, Gohan. I just can’t keep going without you here at my side. This isn’t some silly childhood crush that I can easily get over; no one can take your place, no matter how hard I’ve tried to go on.
‘These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase’
I don’t want to live any longer. Mom is gone. The world is without threat. I have nothing that can bind me here any longer. I just want to be free of the pain and suffering. I want to be with you. Prove to you that I am a man, not the boy that grew up too fast because he had to. I want to feel myself in your arms, to have your lips upon my skin, my fingers threaded into your dark hair. I’ll never know how it would feel.
‘I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along’
I’ve made one last trip in the time machine. I plan to destroy it before I come to join you, Master. The past is the world I dreamed of, the world that I wished that you and I shared. I’ve spied on my family and yours. Do you know you have a younger brother here? He looks just like your father. My family is still together. Trunks looks happy. He’s had a family to love, and by the looks of it, he has your younger brother, here, to love and care for as well. He’s a very lucky boy. He has things that I have only dreamed about. The one person missing from the picture is you, here in the past. I haven’t seen Gohan yet. I wonder if he grew up to be as handsome as you. I wonder if he has a family, someone that loves him, like I love you.
I’ve lived my life in a dream, Master. Wishing and dreaming has brought me nothing but more tears and anguish. I don’t belong in any time it seems. I finally realized that I’ve been alone all along. It’s time to give up my dreams and wishes. I closed my eyes as the capsule that held the time machine was crushed in the palm of my hand. This was my last trip. I just wanted to see what I’ve missed in my life. Something outside of daydreams and fantasy. I let the tears spill once again, letting them hit the earth one by one as I’ve done for years now. Will you meet me in Otherworld? Will anyone greet me there? Have I been forgotten? The lone warrior, the last of the Saiyans in my time line forgotten? Will my father know of my accomplishments? Will you know, Master? Would you be proud of me?
I pull my sword, the metal scraping along the sheath. It’s a beautiful sound. I watch the sun glimmer along the blade. One last job for the sword to do… to take my life. I can hear it now, how weak I’d become, to come to taking my own life to escape the suffering. More tears fall. I’ll be with you soon, Master.
“Trunks.” I sob; it’s your voice again. My blade falls to the ground, my body soon to follow.
‘When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me’
Arms are wrapped around my trembling form. Lips kissing away the tears. Gods, I must be in heaven already. It’s your voice, Master. Your voice telling me it’s alright, and that you love me. I’m afraid to open my eyes, and find that this is all another dream. I choke as more tears cascade down my cheeks.
“Open your eyes, Trunks.” I obeyed. I always tried to obey him. I want to gasp; the sight is so wonderful. Gohan.
“Gohan?” I feel him wipe away more of the tears that have spilled. His touch is so soft, how I imagined my Master’s would be.
“Don’t leave me. I know the pain you’ve felt; even though you were not dead…I couldn’t live with out you. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I may not be your Master, or come anywhere close to being like him, but please, please give me a chance. I’ll try and make up for everything that you’ve missed. Please give me a chance.” He’s crying with me. His arms still holding me close, not daring to let go of me for one moment. I never knew I had this effect on him. I never knew I was a cause of pain like my Master was for me. Oh gods, Gohan. I’m sorry.
‘All of me…’
“I’ve been waiting, hoping and wishing that you would come back. You’ve had all of me since the day we met, Trunks.” It’s me that is wiping away his tears, just how I would wipe away my Master’s. I sniff back my own tears.
“No more waiting…you’ll have all of me…” I smile through the tears, kissing him gently. I’m sorry, Master; I’ll join you when my time comes. You still have all of me, no matter which time I’m in. I will not deny Son Gohan.
‘All of me…’
