Chapter 01
Mother used to say, if you want you’ll find a way.
But mother never danced through fire showers.
If there is a hell,
I’m sure this is how it smells.
Wish this were a dream, but no… it isn't.
Why do I feel so alone?
For some reason I think of home.
-Rain, By Yoko Kanno
0.1
A funny thing happened, you’ll laugh, last night, when the sun left for brighter pastures and the moon winked a malicious eye, I dreamt of you. It’s okay. You can laugh. I would too, if I wasn't so … bothered. What kind of dream was it? It’s hard to explain. A dream of warmth, of bright purple eyes, and arms that held me so close I could hardly breathe. A dream of safety, of comfort; a dream of home. I never saw your face but I heard your voice. You were speaking to me softly. ‘It’s okay. I’ll take care of you’. I believed you, in the dream and then I woke up here.
It was a stupid dream.
You've never held me before. You've never really spent any time with me. You tolerated me because of Ten. That was all. I don’t know why I dreamt about you. I don’t even like you that much, you’re brash and naive. You’re too much like your father. Sometimes, I really don’t like you, other times… I tolerate you. So, why were you the one comforting me in my dream?
Go ahead and laugh.
I would be laughing if the situation were reversed.
If you were the one chained to a wall, naked and cold, forehead wet with something that has to be blood, cheeks wet with something that you hope aren't tears. I would laugh if you were here, in this damned, dark cell, with no one but the rats for company. Yeah, I’d laugh too, if you dreamt about me comforting you.
I’d laugh because it’s funny.
Isn't it?