Hang my head I want to drown my sorrow,
no tomorrow, no tomorrow
the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
when people run in circles it’s a very mad world
I’m not sure how it started, really. One moment you were nothing but my kid brother’s best friend, and then somehow, you became something more. I don’t know when I started watching you, I just know that I did. Now, I have your face memorized. The way your unruly white hair falls into your eyes. White, with strands of blue and purple. The way your lips twitch and then tilt when you smile. The soft blue of your eyes, the way that blue hardens when you watch Goten and our father play.
You’re a dream. My dream.
But it’s okay. You’re the best dream I’ve had in a very long time.
“Gohan! GOHAN! Are you paying attention?” A small hand slapping him in the back of the head snapped Gohan out of his thoughts.
The eldest Son looked away from the book laid open in his lap. He reached up, pushing his glasses up on his nose as he smiled indulgently at his younger brother. “Ah… what is it?”
Goten rolled his eyes, then grinned, “I was telling you about my day.”
Gohan raised his eyebrows, looking down pointedly at his book. Goten chuckled, “C’mon, my day is way more interesting than your stupid book.”
“I disagree.”
Goten laughed, slapping his brother hard in the arm, “You’re such an ass. Anyway, so Liz looks at Trunks and say-”
But Gohan is tuning his brother out again. His eyes shift back to the book. He doesn’t want to hear about Goten’s girlfriend. More importantly, he didn’t want to hear how all the girls wanted Trunks. Goten’s voice became nothing but background noise as Gohan stared at the words of his book. He didn’t see them, his thoughts were focused inward.
***
“I didn’t ask to be born into this family!” Trunks’ cheeks were flushed with anger, his eyes bright with tears. He slammed the door to his room shut, quickly turning the lock.
“OPEN THIS DOOR!”
“No!” Trunks yelled in response, he backed away from the door. He knew from experience that his dad could break it down. He didn’t think that would happen this time. Their fight hadn’t been THAT bad. Just the usual… ‘You’re my son, you have to do what I say.’ Trunks was SICK of being told he had to behave a certain way just because he was the son of the almighty Vegeta.
To his relief, his dad just banged on the door once before giving up and walking away. He let out a shaky sigh. He hated living here. Hated being just fourteen. He really hated his dad, but most of all he hated himself. If only he could be what he was supposed to be, then there wouldn’t be any problem at all. Then his dad would be happy, his mom would be happy, his sister would be happy… things would be perfect.
The problem was, he couldn’t be what they wanted him to be. He didn’t like the stupid martial arts his father insisted he learn. He didn’t like the girls his father made him date. Most importantly, he didn’t want to be strong.
He sunk down on the floor beside his bed, reaching under to pull out a book. He let out a soft sigh as he ran his hand over the cover.
If only he had the courage to tell his dad the truth. If only he could tell everyone…
He pulled the book to his chest, hugging it tightly as the tears started to fall. He just wanted to be himself. He wanted to stop pretending. But the life he had was reality and the life he wanted was just a dream. Because he was Trunks, son of Vegeta, and there wasn’t anything he could do to change that.
***
“Hey, Gohan.” Trunks, as usual, had an easy smile tilting his lips as he moved into the Son house.
Gohan nodded, closing the door behind Trunks, “Hello.”
“Goten around?”
“No. He’ll be back soon.” Gohan, as usual, was quiet. Reserved. He was always this way with Trunks. He didn’t know how else he could behave without revealing his secret.
“Ah, well, I guess I’ll hang out with you then.” Trunks shrugged his jacket off, tossing it onto a nearby chair before he walked across the hall into the living room.
Gohan stood still a moment, sucking in his breath sharply. ‘Hang out with you then…’ Hang out? The last thing he wanted was to hang out with the object of his dreams. The object of his desires… the object of his insanity. But he was not a cruel person, and he couldn’t just ignore Trunks, so he followed the teenager into his living room.
Trunks was already sprawled on the couch, he looked up as Gohan entered, “So, where is he?”
“Date.” Gohan said quietly. He eased himself into the armchair across from Trunks, stretching his long legs out in front of him.
“A date?” Trunks laughed, “Oh yeah… I forgot. It’s Friday night, huh?”
“Yes…”
“He probably won’t be back for awhile then. I bet he’s having lots of fun. Flirting and kissing and all that junk.”
“Ah.”
“Hey, have you kissed a girl yet?”
Gohan blinked, startled by the question, “Ah… yes.”
“Your girlfriend, right? What’s her name again?”
“Videl.”
“Yeah, right… Goten talks about her sometimes.” Trunks chuckled, resting his hands behind his head, “He doesn’t like her much.”
“I know.”
They were both quiet after that. Gohan sat still, trying hard not to stare, but unable to look away. Trunks was beautiful. As he stared he noticed the glint of gold in Trunks’ nose. A nose ring? That was new, “When did you get the piercing?”
“huh?” Trunks had been lost in his own thoughts, he laughed, “Oh? The nose you mean? Today.” He dropped his hand, to finger the gold ring in his left nostril. The ring was the source of his argument with his father earlier.
“I don’t imagine your father appreciated that much.” Gohan said quietly.
“He tried to rip it out.” Trunks said with a shrug, “That’s why I’m here… figure I’ll lay low until he calms down. He’s such a tight ass sometimes. God… you’d think I just announced my desire to join the church of Satan, judging by his reaction.”
Gohan smiled then, “The church of Satan?”
“Yeah. You know, that blow hard movie star everyone loves to hate. God he’s annoying. All the kids in my class hate him. He’s such a freak.”
Gohan bit his bottom lip, but the soft laugh escaped him regardless. Trunks looked over, smiling, “Hey, Gohan… we haven’t really talked before, you know…”
Gohan nodded. Why would they? Trunks was 14, Gohan was 23. They didn’t really have much in common. Of course this didn’t stop Gohan from spending every night dreaming and every day daydreaming about the energetic youth. “I like the ring.”
“Huh? Oh…” Trunks smiled, “Thanks. I have another one.” And then he was tugging his shirt up, to reveal a silver stud in his belly button.
Gohan stared, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. “… I’m guessing… your father doesn’t know about that one.”
Trunks chuckled, “Nah, I wouldn’t dare tell him. He’d kill me.”
“… who did that one?”
“I did.” Trunks responded easily, “Used a pin and just sort o-”
“No!” Gohan shuddered, “I don’t need the details.”
Trunks grinned, “It was infected pretty bad for awhile after, but one of my friends dad’s took care of it.”
“That was dangerous.”
“I know.” Trunks shrugged, “But… you know, I’m fourteen. I’m allowed to be stupid. If I did this when I was your age, then people would just think I was retarded… doing it now, people just think I’m being a kid. You know?”
Gohan didn’t follow the logic, but he wasn’t about to say so. Instead he just nodded slightly, “Does it hurt now?”
“Nah.” Trunks ran his finger over his belly button, “Want to touch it?”
Want to touch? Of course he wanted to touch… he wanted to touch every inch of Trunks. But he shook his head, because it wouldn’t be right. Still, he couldn’t tear his eyes away, and Trunks noticed.
“Come on. Don’t be shy.” Trunks stood up and walked to where Gohan was sitting. He tugged his shirt up again, “Touch.”
Gohan wondered if Trunks noticed how badly his fingers were shaking as he slowly lifted them. His fingers must have been cold, because when he lightly ran them over Trunks’ belly button, the boy shivered. “See? Doesn’t hurt, and it feels kind of cool, huh?”
Gohan didn’t answer. Instead he lay his hand flat on Trunks stomach and leaned forward. Later he would wonder why Trunks didn’t move away, but for now he just closed his eyes and very softly pressed his lips against Trunks’ belly button and the stud inside it. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, lips softly worshipping Trunks’ soft stomach, but he did know the slamming of the front door made him jerk away.
“Trunks!?” Goten was back, and he’d noticed Trunks’ shoes in the foyer.
Trunks stepped back, letting his shirt fall down. He didn’t look at Gohan, but Gohan looked at him. The boy’s cheeks were flushed, and he seemed to breathing very fast. “Goten! Hey! How was the date?”
And then the teenage friends left the room, leaving Gohan alone.
With his thoughts…
And the reality of his dream.
