'Goten, you know…' Trunks stuttered in a low voice. 'Don't speak,' Goten cut off in a whisper. Goten didn't want him to speak. If Trunks spoke, he would think and if he did, it would surely spoil the magic of this moment." When things get out of control in one's life, keeping quiet seems to be the best decision. Or maybe not.
The thick rain pattered on the desert pavement. The few passers-by, eager to escape the aggressive drops, were only shadows hiding under the shop awnings. Goten paid no attention to the downpour, being for the moment a tiny detail in the storm of his life. He walked with his head down, trying to gather his thoughts. He was aware that the guy, who had just interviewed him for half an hour in his austere, overheated office, would not hire him. He had understood it the moment he sat down on the miserable chair in front of him, when the guy had squinted at his name. In reality, Goten was becoming painfully aware that nobody would hire him anymore. At least, nobody reasonable in the world of computing. It was frustrating. He was good at his job and he liked it. But maybe it was better if he retrained.
Water was soaking his mane, and the cold droplets plastered his head and forehead, dripping in nervous torrents down his cheeks and his chin. He wiped mechanically his forehead with the back of his sleeve and sighed. He looked up at the dark, grey sky.
The afternoon was now ending and it was time to go home. But Goten had no desire. He lived temporarily with his brother, and the warmth of his home was mirroring his lousy situation. He loved Gohan, Videl and their little brat, of course but ... how could his life have tumbled downward so drastically in only a few weeks? He kept asking this question over and over in his brain, but could find no answer.
He kept walking, without deciding to head frankly toward Gohan's home, the so happy home of Gohan where everyone would glance at him with compassion, and tried to cheer him up. Finally, tired of the rain that poured on him continuously, he branched off and rushed into a cafe. The place wasn't very busy, it wasn't exactly welcoming either, dark and not really clean. It was perfect for Goten at this time.
The owner looked at him with a glare as he seated himself at a table, leaving a train of water in his path. He ordered a coffee and tried to squeeze what he could of his clothes. The feeling of cold and humidity, to which he hadn't paid attention to so far, finally came to his mind and he shivered. The bar keeper rudely put the coffee in front of him, and demanded its immediate payment. Goten scraped the bottom of his pockets and pulled out the small amount of currency, which accentuated the creeping irritation of the bar keeper. He looked at her sheepishly, sliding the coins one by one on the table. She swiped them up roughly and walked away with exasperation.
Goten thought that a month ago he wouldn't have ever entered this rotten cafe. No, a month ago, he'd frequented much more exclusive places, and used to pay with a card that had allowed him to say yes to everything. One month, it's been just over one month. How could all this have happened?
He watched the eager drops that spotted the window next to him and thought about Valese. He thought about their meeting three years ago, their life, their settlement together, and about her. However, he felt nothing. Just some kind of guilt for feeling nothing. It was really weird and, at the same time, it was reassuring. The choice he made was the most rational. He had no home, he had no more work, and yet he felt strangely liberated from this relationship that had developed a bit without him.
He had to admit that this girl had captivated him from the very beginning. He realized now that, first of all, she had been a great challenge to him. All the others had failed to get her. Everyone. Not one had vanquished her. She had become almost legendary on the campus, and it had immediately awakened Goten's instinct. The bad instinct, the one that actually makes one do anything. She was beautiful, she was rich, she was untouchable, and he had to have her. What an idiot he had been. He was fully aware today he had acted like a kid at the time.
He went to a lot of trouble to win her heart and attention, and he had eventually succeeded proudly where all others had failed. It had swollen him with pride. He wasn't particularly self-centered but with Valese, he felt for once in his life, he had been the one to win the reward. He had been the first and the sole among all the others. And it wasn't unpleasant.
Anyway, to be honest, if one forgot her very limited intellectual level, nothing was ever unpleasant with Valese. She was like cotton candy, nothing consistent, but so delicious. That was the whole problem. He had kept on dating her, he had met her father, and eventually, he had moved with her into a beautiful apartment downtown. He had been offered a golden position in the company held by her family too. What could he have been still dreaming of? Of something else. He didn't know what exactly, but he knew now for sure, that he was dreaming of something else.
He was stirring absentmindedly the muddy bottom of his cup. The rain had not stopped, as if it was waiting for him patiently. He hadn't even a raincoat and the stylish suit that he had put on with such reluctance for his interview was still sticky from the rain that had already poured on him. He loosened his tie with a sudden gesture and popped the top button of the shirt. He still had no desire to go home. He took out his cell phone from his pocket and called Gohan. His brother picked up on the first ring.
- So? he asked immediately, before Goten could even say a word.
Gohan had almost yelled into the phone, in an impatient and cheerful voice. Goten rubbed the back of his head.
- Uh ... They'll call me back, stammered Goten.
- Oh. It didn't work out? Gohan asked with a tone of pique.
- They told me nothing, Goten sighed.
There was a silence on the line.
- Listen Gohan, I've met a friend from college. I'll eat with him tonight. Don't wait for me, okay? Goten lied coolly, trying to put a little pep in his intonation.
- Of course, no problem, you have the key anyway. Relax a little, Gohan replied.
Goten hung up wearily. Even if he tried to hide it, his brother was worried for him, and in fact, it added even more to his discomfort. Videl and Gohan had offered to find him a job. They both knew enough important people to do these kind of things. But compared to the job he had in Valese's father's company, none of the jobs offered by Gohan and Videl seemed newsworthy, and none were in his field.
He knew inwardly that if he found nothing, he should accept and finally give up his professional projects. He was only twenty-two though, and that was not a sacrifice he was considering yet. He refused to consider it, while recognizing that, at this rate, he would eventually get to the idea of retraining. He sighed, he envied his father, who had never had to work, and never had this kind of concern.
- Can I get you anything else? growled the bar-keeper who came to pick up his cup.
- Uh ... No, no, thanks, stuttered Goten.
- Because it is not going to stop raining, you see, she pointed out sarcastically.
She looked at him with a surly face and Goten got the message. Most tables were empty around him, but his unprofitable presence and his desperate broke look bothered her.
- I was going to go, whispered Goten, standing up awkwardly.
She nodded with satisfaction. He opened the door and breathed in before diving again under the frozen waterspouts falling from the sky. He raised his shoulders and put his hands in his pockets. His fingers touched his keyring and he remembered that he still had the keys to the apartment. He still had some things to pick up too so he decided to go there. If Valese was not home, he would have at least a temporary shelter.
If Valese was home though, he knew she wouldn't be very happy to see him. She would let him in but she wouldn't like him to stay longer than necessary. When he pondered about her particular personality, it was apparent to him that Valese wasn't a mean person. Valese was anything but mean. At worst, she could be temperamental. As he recalled, there wasn't even any yelling when they separated. There were tears, lots of tears, because it was of course her favorite weapon but there was no yelling, merely a few complaints.
Goten was relieved to have left her. It was terrible to think like that, but it was exactly how he felt, and the weak guilt for having no regrets was nothing compared to that relief. He had no doubt that Valese would easily find another partner. Goten was not even sure she had really loved him. She had yielded to his assiduous attention because he had been smart, but he was not entirely convinced that she had any real feelings for him.
He smiled thinking of her. Valese was a doll. Always friendly, always sweet, never really conscious of reality. Even in bed, it was dramatically complicated. The first time was a total discovery for her, and he remembered being completely destabilized by her candor and questions, he had been almost numb. Alice in Wonderland.
This constant naivety had always stimulated the protective instincts of Goten, and he had always been careful not to hurt her in their relationship. He had cheated once though. A sole time. He'd suffered so much from it, that he had the feeling that it couldn't have been worse if she'd been the one who betrayed him. He'd never confessed it to her of course. The secrecy was the easy part. He'd even felt guilty for taking advantage of her innocence. It had happened on an impulse, with a trainee at work, who had tried to seduce him for several weeks. A one-night stand, he was not very proud of, but that had also made him realize that Valese didn't always fulfill his needs. Poor Valese.
He took off his jacket as he arrived in the hall of the building. The garment looked quite like a mop now, and he thought it would certainly be beyond repair. His shirt was also stained with rain. He increased slightly his ki to expel some water. Then, he rang the doorbell and waited anxiously for a response. Since the intercom remained silent, he took his keys and entered the stairwell.
The apartment had not changed. Valese took great care to make it a cozy place, a little too flowery for Goten's taste. He immediately headed for the bathroom and swung his jacket in the tub, where it landed with a wet noise. He grabbed a towel and rubbed his head to finish absorbing the water through his hair.
He looked at his watch. It was seven o' clock, and he wondered if he should dread Valese's arrival. He had no idea where she could be at such a time. She had a totally inexplicable life to him. A life full of drafts. A life very alike her in some ways. She did not work of course, although the college had agreed to grant her a very intellectual degree, to be nice to her powerful father. She spent most of her time filling her closet, changing her hairstyles, and meeting her grilfriends. That was more or less the only things Goten could remember. Anyway, the main thing had always been that these frivolous activities kept her happy.
He walked through the room to the kitchen. His stomach rumbled dully. The fridge, as expected, did not really comfort him. Organic foods with mystical labels, raw vegetables, and diet drinks. Not really enough to feed a Saiyan. He gave up and decided just to take an apple and turn on the coffee machine. He was aware that she surely would not be happy to find him there, if she returned. She would pout like an annoyed doll and would nervously tidy up everything he had already bothered, asking with a grumpy voice whether he needed something in particular.
Goten noticed that she had taken down the pictures. She loved to see pictures everywhere, pictures of her happiness, as if to convince herself it really existed. And until last month, Goten had been a part of her happiness. He was in almost all the pictures. The walls still wore the marks of the frames. Goten had no doubt that she had already ordered the painter to clean this offense.
He let his gaze drift over the living room. It had been his living room for over a year. It was strange to be back here as a mere visitor, ready to escape as soon as the owner of the house would appear.
It was exactly on that sofa,right in front of him, that Valese had asked the question that had turned a page in his life. To be honest, her father had made her ask it. Valese's brain wasn't so quick. "My father asks whether it is time to get married." Obviously, Valese herself had already thought about it. She had even dreamed of it since she had spotted a bridal store, in front of which she would stand dreamingly for hours.
For Valese, marriage was a dress. But she had never mentioned the idea of getting married directly with Goten. She wanted to be a modern woman. Like her friends. In fact, she was the one who convinced her father to let them live together. He wasn't able to refuse her anything, and after a few bats of her dark, long lashes, he had accepted "so long as there are no children, all right? "
Those words spoken from Valese's father's mouth should have made Goten run away. Instead, he had just stupidly considered that moving on with her was a funny adventure and in addition to that, the apartment was really gorgeous. So he had accepted the situation and carefully avoided to think too much about the meaning of this life.
But this question, that night, while watching TV lazily, had struck him. "What an idea! " Those three words had escaped him before he could even think about it. He had spoken in a tone both amused, both incredulous, which added to their offensive sense. Above all, he'd really meant what he said.
He had never imagined Valese as his wife to be. Never. He had been able to joke about it, like something that would never happen, but it was never seriously considered. Had he done so, he might have realized sooner certain things. Valese was a doll, she was not a wife. "Why not? "She answered apologetically, as if he had refused her candy. He had awkwardly mumbled, "We'll talk later, I promise, Valese, let me watch my movie."
In fact, he had not been able to focus on television anymore. He knew that the idea came from her father and that it would reappear in the conversation very soon. He also knew that Valese would eventually decipher the meaning of this stupid answer that had escaped from his mouth. And he knew, finally, that he should think about his life now that he was cornered. He could no longer afford to act as if his life had meaning, and nor could he just keep floating in this mellow routine. The routine. It was exactly the point.
The mundane habit remained the only thing that still bound him to Valese and to this apartment. They had almost no sex anymore. He had the feeling she was like a book he had read too many times, whom he knew every word, which had become irrelevant. He satisfied his needs himself, it was easier, especially since she demanded nothing. He had even wondered if she had ever really desired him or if maybe she had just considered their relationship like a duty in a couple's life. She was sometimes so disconnected from real life. As he had thought about it, a huge feeling of regret seized him, and he had finally come to announce the separation. There had been no audible crying but there were tears. Tears and dismissal.
Basically, he only regretted to have played the game of his own illusions. His life with Valese had been so rewarding. The constant feeling of being a god, having a plum job, and obtaining vast amounts of money had never been known to him and it was exhilarating. It was time to return to a harsh reality, but he was also relieved to regain himself. He quietly packed the few things that still belonged to him in the dressing room. He even scribbled a note to warn Valese that he had dropped by, and then, leaving the keys on the shelf in the hallway, he went out, letting the door slam once and for all behind him.
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