A Strange Kind of Love
by Kami Kaze     More by this Writer

Song: "A Strange Kind of Love" by Peter Murphy



Goku paused before the door, his curled fist frozen just inches from its hard wooden surface. He stared at the door dumbly, his mind suddenly caught in a state of reverie. His musings took him over the past few years, among the many ups and downs he had been through. The loss of Chichi had been a terrible blow, one that still made his heart ache with a bitter sadness. He still felt the pain of knowing that in her last years, his wife had not been happy; he had tried, Kami knows he had tried to make her happy; but he simply could not give her what she had needed. None the less, she stayed with him, and they had continued their charade, for their children's sake at least. He had loved the woman dearly, but more as a friend than anything else. A lover she was not, not in a true sense, anyway. How could one enjoy making love to a woman who acted more like his mother than his wife? Goku knew that it was not her fault, it was just the way of Chichi. He did not regret, he was simply sorry that it had ended up the way it had.

The following two years, he had fought severe depression, something he hadn't even known really existed until it had settled it's cold dark claws upon his shoulders, making his mask of happiness shatter like thin glass. Through it all, his friends were there for him for the most part, as were his sons; however, only one light managed to shine through the darkness that had invaded his usually light and airy soul. Strangely enough, the one who encouraged him the most was the one with the darkest of souls, or so it had seemed; Goku had known differently, had seen through it years ago, but never truly contemplated the man's full worth until he was allowed a peek at what had lay under the thick layers of pride, hatred and distrust.

Vegeta had surprisingly stepped forward when the others had stepped away in the awkwardness that usually settles when one doesn't know what to say to comfort someone in need. As the darkness slowly descended upon Goku, Vegeta had recognized it for what it was, and without a thought, entangled himself into the sticky web that had wrapped itself around the earth-saiyan's mind and soul. He would visit daily, his countenance the same as it always had been, with one exception...his eyes. Deep within, Goku could both see and feel the concern in the saiyan prince's eyes; it warmed him, made him feel lighter; and slowly, his heart that had turned to ice in his chest, began to melt.

A strange kind of love
A strange kind of feeling
Swims through your eyes
And like the odors
To a wide vast dominion
They open to your prize

Their daily spars became the highlight of Goku's days, and he found himself going to bed early each night, simply because he couldn't wait for the morning to come, when Vegeta would appear silently in his doorway, then turn and walk out, expecting Goku to follow behind, which he always did. The darkness had long since receded from Goku's life, yet, he still found himself needing the prince, needing their daily ritual. Sometimes Goku wondered why Vegeta had helped him; wondered why he put up with him so much when it was quite obvious that the older saiyan didn't much enjoy spending time in his company. Goku smiled at the thought, though in his heart, it saddened him. He would go as far to say that it hurt him, but he didn't truly want to admit that to himself. There were many things he didn't want to admit, secrets that he had even kept from himself, if that were possible. Goku gasped, his eyes growing wide as his reverie was shattered in an instant. Cold black eyes stared at him from the open doorway, where his fist was still poised, now inches from the saiyan prince's nose. Goku blinked rapidly, his mouth opening in silent surprise.

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "What in Kami's name are you doing out here, Kakarott? I've been watching you for minutes now, just standing out here like an idiot, off in some dream world." Vegeta spat, throwing the recovering saiyan a disgusted look. "Why are you here, anyway? We’ve already sparred today." He asked, crossing his arms over his muscled chest, which was hidden only by a thin white tank top.

~~~~~

The spar began like any other, with both saiyan's throwing themselves into the fight, exchanging blows and kicks, keeping it fairly simple. Vegeta watched Goku closely, wondering why the saiyan had come to him for another spar...he had never done it before, and Vegeta didn't like surprises much; he never had.

As the spar wore on, Vegeta became increasingly aware of a change in Goku, something that bothered him greatly. He had long ago chastised himself for letting the younger saiyan get as close to him as he had...and had chastised himself even more for letting himself get close to Goku. He scowled, once again angered; he powered up, dodged one of Goku's punches, and landed a bone crunching spin kick to the side of Goku's head, watching as the spiky haired man flew through the air and landed on his back about thirty feet away. He would not let his feelings overwhelm him, as they had threatened many times before...he would not allow Kakarott to do this to him! Vegeta neared the fallen man, looking down into the dark glassy eyes of a warrior that he at one time had hated. What he seen in the dark pools made him pause, gasp. The feelings expressed in them were raw, unbridled. Had they been there the whole time? He wondered as he watched Goku climb to his feet. Vegeta bristled at the emotional pain that echoed from the other man straight into his own heart; the warmth that washed over his skin gently as he felt.... NO! He would not admit... no... there was nothing to admit, dammit! He screamed to himself, fists clenching tightly.

This is no terror ground
Or place for the rage
No broken hearts
White wash lies
Just a taste for the truth
Perfect taste choice and meaning
A look into your eyes

Goku took a deep breath, holding in a sob. This had been a bad idea, a bad idea from the beginning, but he had thought...oh, who cares what he thought? Evidently, he was wrong. Seeing the anger in the older saiyan's eyes...he had suddenly been assulted not only physically, but with feelings of anger, resentment, and even stark dislike; and he knew whom those feelings had flown out of, and knew exactly who they were directed at. What he didn't understand, and probably never would, was why? Why didn't Vegeta like him much, why couldn't he accept their growing friendship as Goku had? And most of all...why...oh why, did this rejection hurt so much? It was like an arrow right through the heart, this sharp pain surrounded by a dull ache. It not only embedded itself into his heart, but spread slowly, diseasing the rest of his body and spirit so that his existence seemed to be one large ache.

Vegeta cursed silently. Why is this happening to me!? Why can I feel his emotions so plainly, as if they were my own? I don't want to know..... know his feelings, his emotions. NO! I won't...I have my own to deal with, I don't need someone elses.... oh hell, is he crying? IS HE CRYING?! Vegeta cringed visibly, tearing his eyes away from the tall warrior. "Kaka...kakarott...get a hold of yourself. What's wrong with you?" He began almost concerned; when he heard his own voice, however, he hardened himself once again. He watched as Goku spun away from him, his large shoulders hunching slightly as a sob was ripped from his throat, large hands fisting into his jet black spikes. Vegeta watched helplessly, his emotions in turmoil. Half of him wanted to stomp away, sickened by the warriors weakness and lack of self control, but the other half wanted to comfort him, tell him it was ok, that everything would be all right. Dark brows lifted high on his forehead in wonder; since when had he ever wanted to comfort anyone? Where were these annoying thoughts coming from, they would surely drive him mad soon! Yet still, he stood, not knowing what to do; finally, he did the only thing he knew to do. He got angry.

Goku had tried so hard to hold his emotions in, and wanted to crawl under a rock as the sobs over took his body. He didn't understand his feelings, didn't understand why this was happneing to him. He.... he was in love. Wanted to be loved. The idea struck him like a sharp slap across the face, and for a second, he stared down at his feet, wide eyed, his sobs forgotten. Suddenly, he realized he was being shaken, and quite violently so. He raised his head to look into the dark depths of Vegeta’s narrowed eyes, seething with a rage that Goku didn’t understand.

“Kakarott!” Vegeta growled, strong fingers digging into the taller saiyans shoulders, biting into the flesh and drawing blood. Goku looked at Vegeta helplessly, not being able to find his voice, the sudden onslaught of emotion had been so blinding. Was he in love with Vegeta? Could he be? When…how? Why? Goku winced, wondering what God had decided to play such a cruel trick as this, to allow him to fall in love with the very man that hated him…or seemed to part of the time, anyway.

Vegeta cursed silently, his eyes searching those of the saiyan in front of him, his grip becoming tighter as his anger grew. He recognized the look…. the look that shone forth from Goku’s eyes so blatantly. There were many things there…hunger, fear, passion, rejection, need…… love. Love. No…oh Kami, no…He hissed, pulling his hands off of Goku’s shoulders as if the touch had burned him. Had he been so blind as to not have noticed before now? No…it had been there. It had been there for a long time, and Vegeta had known, but didn’t want to acknowledge it. Didn’t want to see it for what it was, for then he would have to face his own feelings. NO! There are no feelings there! He is my enemy, still. Nothing has changed…nothing…oh hell! Vegeta’s emotions were a whirlwind as his ki rocketed, his confusion and anger fueling it as he turned from Goku and began to run, tears streaming down his cheeks.

What am I DOING? He screamed mentally, sliding to a stop. He barely noticed the downpour of rain that had engulfed them, the clouds thick and black as jagged streaks of electricity shot through the sky. I am a prince, I do not run! Not from danger, not from death……not from…from…

An anguished scream tore from his throat, his body tense as he tore through the first two stages of super saiyan. His scream continued as waves of electrical power snapped around him in a golden haze, completely overriding the sound of the storm. He had been so blind…so blind to not have seen the bond that had been forming between them; it had formed slowly, without either of them noticing, but it was there, strong, secure. He could feel it within him, the other saiyan’s emotions boiling around his own. Vegeta screamed his rage to the sky, not knowing what else to do. Was this a cruel trick, or simply fate…fate had always dealt him the shitty cards, and right now, he had a full deck of them. He wanted to run, to leave. Leave this mudball of a planet and never look back; the question was, could he? Would he be able to leave the lower class fighter, and never think of him again?

Blind to the gemstone alone
A smile from a frown circles round
Should he stay or should he go
Let him shout a rage so strong
A rage that knows no right or wrong
And take a little piece of you

Goku’s eyes held fast to Vegeta’s back as the smaller saiyan screamed, and watched in fascination as the power built around him. He cocked his head to one side, flinching as he was hit with pummeling emotions that seemed to flow from the prince just as his tears were flowing down his cheeks. Goku’s breath caught at the sight, fear inching up his spine slowly. He thought that perhaps Vegeta had somehow found out about his feelings for the Prince, and was very angered by it…and probably highly disgusted too; but why would that make the prince cry? Goku shook his head, perplexed. What would he do? Would he turn on him, kill him? He wasn’t sure, and at this point, didn’t care.

Vegeta stood staring at the sky, his voice had given out seconds earlier, after his scream had dwindled to a high pitched screeching whine. Raindrops mixed with his tears as he tried to contemplate the situation at hand; There was a thin line between love and hate, this he knew, but which would it be? It would be so much easier to go on hating Goku, to continue as they always had, but something inside him told him that that course of action would be impossible…and would fail miserably. He sighed, lowering his eyes to the ground before he turned to inspect the third class warrior with a careful eye.

Goku swallowed audibly as Vegeta turned to him, his arms crossed, brows drawn together in his trademark scowl. He seemed to be looking for something, searching…but Goku didn’t have any idea what. Vegeta had began walking towards him, and now stood directly before him, looking up at him with narrowed eyes, his lips twitching occasionally as if deciding what to say.

Vegeta stared into the wet glassy orbs that were as black as the baka’s mop of unruly saiyan hair. How he loved that hair, and had on more than one occasion wanted to run his fingers through it. He would admit, he had. Now was the time to be truthful, at least with himself. He could hide it no longer, would not. For if there was anything Vegeta hated, it was cowardice…and loving the lame brained fool was not cowardly, but hiding, whether it be physically or emotionally, was.

“What am I going to do with you?” Vegeta asked softly, his scowl deepening as Goku flinched at the sound of his voice. Goku seemed to sigh, his shoulders slumping as he looked with saddened eyes at Vegeta. “Do you have any clue…any clue at all as to what is happening inside you?” He asked, moving his right hand to rest on Goku’s chest, over his heart.

Goku’s stomach fluttered violently at Vegeta’s words, as he tried not to jerk under the prince’s touch. Not trusting his voice, he simply shook his head, his eyes closing. Vegeta watched, his heart aching. Goku believed him to be angry with him, disgusted maybe. He didn’t yet realize the bond that was inside both of them, and didn’t realize that some of the emotions he was feeling were actually Vegeta’s. He sighed, his hand lifting to cup one side of Goku’s face. He smirked lightly as Goku’s eyes snapped open, shock and confusion filling his wide dark eyes. “Baka” he whispered, his anger returning briefly as he felt his need for the young saiyan culminate. His left hand clasped Goku’s shoulder, pulling the surprised saiyan down so that his face was inches from his own.

Goku stared into the eyes of the man who had been many things to him over the years they had known each other. Vegeta had been an enemy, rival, spar partner…friend. He had angered Goku, hurt him repeatedly, tried to kill him, degraded him…helped him. He suddenly marveled at the complexity of the man before him; the utter paradox that was Vegeta. Little did he know, Vegeta’s musings about Goku were running along the same lines as they stared into each other’s eyes, drinking each other’s essence.

Vegeta’s arms began to tremble as the fire inside him was fanned, his hatred of Goku crumbling into dust as his love for the man surfaced, almost painfully. With a small cry, he crushed his lips against Goku’s in a searing kiss, the other saiyan immediately opening for him, allowing him inside without hesitation. Vegeta explored the soft wetness of his mouth, moaning softly as their tongues entwined together with a passion that surprised both of them. The rain poured down upon them harder, thunder sounding from above them, rocking the ground underneath their feet. Vegeta’s hand slid into Goku’s hair before he broke the kiss, panting against Goku’s soft engorged lips. A flicker of his former resentment flashed inside of him as he stared up at the other man, Goku’s eyes now half lidded, his cheeks flushed with excitement. “Baka…I don’t know whether to hate you, or love you…” He managed to choke out between panting. Goku smiled sadly, then pulled him into an embrace.

His body stiffened as the taller saiyan’s arms went around him, Goku’s face nuzzling deep within his hair; slowly, he let his arms slide around Goku’s waist, pressing his cheek against the hard muscled chest. He closed his eyes, listening to the strong heartbeat within Goku’s body, was lulled by the constant rising and falling of his chest. He had not yet decided what he would do, where they would go from here, but for now, he was going to love…and be loved, by the looks of it. He would allow it. For now, anyway. He smirked, his arms tightening around the man he…loved.

There is no middle ground
Or that's how it seems
For us to walk or to take
Instead we tumble down
Either side left or right
To love or to hate

~~ END ~~

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