Welcome to Boxer & Rice

Author's Note : __...__ denotes dreams

~*~*~*~*~

Slipping out of the warm bed, Vegeta let the silken sheets pool on the floor at his feet. The pale-skinned woman was sound asleep—her frail body once again failing to provide the proud prince with full satisfaction. He stepped out onto the balcony and let the crisp night air dry his naked skin. Ascending to the roof, he sat to watch at the stars, letting the hard shingles dig into his smooth skin.

With a sigh, he gazed off to nowhere in particular—just the heavens in their sweeping glory. Staring off into the distance, he let his vision blur the past with the present. Memories—some sad, some painful, some almost happy— all being played against the backdrop of the night.

How had he come here? Why had he stayed? Of course he knew the reasons, but he didn't want to tell himself the truth. He had spent so many years deceiving the people around him and himself—why should he change his ways now?

'Besides, the truth only brings pain. People don't want my truth. They want to believe the happy little lies they've created for me. The lies are safe.'

Closing his eyes, he wasn't surprised by the twin trickles of water that ran down his cheeks. The physical manifestations of his weakness. He angrily wiped the tears away and cursed himself.

"Only weaklings cry! And I am NOT weak! I am Vegeta! The Prince of all Saiyans! I have NO weakness!"

Letting his head fall to his knees, he tried desperately to ignore the voice in the back of his head that told him that he was still lying.

~*~*~*~*~

__"That was a good fight, Vegeta! When did you learn that new move? I've never seen you use it before."

"Tch, I've always known it. I was just waiting to use it," Vegeta snorted as he crossed his arms, secretly pleased Goku had noticed the new technique had spent so long perfecting. The younger man laughed happily in reply as he stripped out of his sweat-soaked shirt.

Turning in a huff, Vegeta began to walk off, leaving Goku to his own devices.

"Wait, Vegeta! Don't you want to take a swim in the stream with me? It feels great!" exclaimed Goku as he peeled out of the rest of his clothes.__

~*~*~*~*~

Vegeta awoke with a jolt. Rubbing his bleary eyes, he sat up with a groan—his muscles protesting after having slept on the roof in the cold night air. Looking again to the uncaring sky, he saw he had been asleep only a few hours. 'But still long enough to prove how pathetic I've become.' Lingering a few more moments to watch the sun peak over the horizon, he floated back the balcony and inside to get dressed.

Pulling on one of his spandex training outfits, he passed the still sleeping Bulma and went out to his gravity room in order to purge himself of his maddening memories. Beginning his rigorous training regime, he worked as hard as he could to exhaust himself beyond all thought. But even the familiar flex and pull of his muscles couldn't erase the heavy thoughts lurking in his mind.

~*~*~*~*~

He had drunken himself into a haze again. His drinking binges were becoming more and more regular—a fact Bulma had used to her own advantage, since it was the only time he would pay her any attention. It was the only time Vegeta would succumb to her seduction.

But the alcohol didn't stop the dreams. Neither did the strange pills he had bought from a boy in the park. Nothing stopped them. The dreams only seemed to intensify the more he tried to stop them.

Kakarot.

Always Kakarot. Smiling at him, laughing at him, crushing him.

Dreams where Vegeta was no longer the aggressor, but the victim.

'Why?! Why do you continue to torment me, Kakarot?! You've been dead for almost six years now, and yet you still don't leave me in peace!'

Letting his concentration slip from the task at hand, a floating robot struck Vegeta with a reflected blast. Knocked to the floor by his own attack, Vegeta cursed his weakness for the second time that day. Laying on his back in defeat, he closed his eyes and slipped into the darkness nagging at the edge of his mind.

~*~*~*~*~

__"Why would I want to swim in a river with you, Kakarot?" he sneered at the younger man.

"It's fun and you get clean! C'mon, Vegeta! Pleeeeeease?" Goku whined, giving the a pleading look.

"Fine, just stop making that idiotic face at me!" Vegeta barked as he began to take off his own clothing. Goku grinned in victory and jumped into the deep stream with a large splash.

"Idiot," Vegeta mumbled as he slowly entered the cool water. Wading out waist-deep in the caressing flow, Vegeta noticed that it did indeed feel refreshing to his tired body. 'That fool finally did something right, heh. Speaking of which...where did he get to?' Vegeta wondered as he looked around for his absent companion.

Gritting his teeth, he realized that Goku was playing some infantile game with him. "Where is that moron?" Vegeta growled as he concentrated on locating his rival. Hearing a faint splash behind him, Vegeta turned quickly—only to be pulled underwater from behind.

Flailing as he realized the bastard had tricked him he tried in vain to break free from the strong hold. Coughing and sputtering, he was dragged to the surface and held tightly against Goku's muscular form.__

~*~*~*~*~

"VEGETA!" Sitting up slowly, Vegeta looked around for the person calling him. "It's about damn time you got up! I've been calling your sorry ass for the past five minutes!" Turning to look at the communication screen, Vegeta recognized the face of his ex-lover.

"What do you want?" he asked in a clipped tone. Bulma rolled her eyes at his front of anger.

"Lunch is ready if you want any. Although I'd let you starve if Mom wasn't so attached to you," the scientist added crossly under her breath. Glaring at the face on the screen for a few moments, Vegeta crossed the gravity room to the personal shower he had had installed and stepped inside.

"Hey! Are you coming or not?!" Bulma screeched at the closed door. Getting no reply after several moments, she cut off the screen with an annoyed sigh. Hearing the monitor shut down, Vegeta stepped into the hot spray of the shower in relief. This was what he needed. The scalding water would burn the shame away.

Absentmindedly, Vegeta gazed at the sharp razor sitting on the shower shelf. He had heard of humans cutting themselves to ease their pain and he wondered if it worked. Picking it up, he gazed in rapt attention at the shiny blade. Something about the glint of light off the smooth metal seemed to beckon him to use it on himself.

'It'd be so simple.'

Snarling in disgust and flinging the razor into the trash can on the other side of the room, Vegeta refused to bring himself to that level of mockery. 'No amount of physical scarring could cover the rips inside of me. Only a fool would attempt that.'

Instead of cutting his bronzed skin, he carefully washed the sweat and grime off. Vegeta watched the water run along the floor of the shower and spiral down the drain. It never stopped. No matter how much water came out of the showerhead, it all ended up in the drain anyway. Just like everything else in life, it all ended up in the drain. In the drain where people didn't have to look at it anymore. Where it could be avoided and thought not to exist anymore. 'It doesn't matter, it's pointless to think about.'

Stepping out of the shower and not bothering to dry himself, Vegeta pulled on a clean pair of black spandex shorts. Padding soundlessly out of the gravity room, he decided to get some food from the kitchen and carry it up to his room to eat. Once in the kitchen, Vegeta ignored the probing stares of the other occupants. Taking what he wanted and leaving the Briefs to themselves, the lone Prince walked out without saying a word.



Once in his room again, Vegeta set his plates on the bedside table and collapsed on the bed. His appetite was gone already. He felt queasy just looking at the food. Why hadn't he been able to eat much lately? Was he getting sick? Rolling over to face the open window, Vegeta closed his eyes in thought.

Of course the only thing he could think about was Kakarot. Everything else seemed so trivial in comparison. 'I can't even train properly anymore.' Vegeta lamented. He simply couldn't keep his mind off the younger, dead Saiyan. It was both perplexing and agonizing. All Vegeta wanted was to forget.

Forget everything.

All his past.

All his acquaintances.

All of himself.

Everything.

To live in the black nothingness of empty space – with nobody around to remind him of his weakness. Nobody to be better than him. Nobody he had to protect. Nobody he had to pretend for.

And that was what troubled him the most. The pretending.

'Do you know what it's like, Kakarot? To have to pretend that your death didn't affect me in the least? That you didn't affect me? I never thought that your miserable existence would be important to me. You were just a low-class soldier, not even worth keeping on Vegeta-sei. And yet you were the first to obtain the pinnacle of our race in a thousand years.

You didn't just upstage me...you upstaged our whole people.

And you didn't even care.

What a disgrace.'

Curling into a ball as he used to do during space travel, Vegeta thought back to all the fights he had fought against, and alongside, with Kakarot. The man who meant so little and so much to him. But why? What was so special about Kakarot that he stood out in the Prince's notice? His strength obviously, but was that all? Was Vegeta so shallow that strength was his only concern?

Not wishing to madden himself further with these thoughts, Vegeta curled up tighter and fell into a troubled slumber.

~*~*~*~*~

__Vegeta's breath caught in his throat as he felt the warm contact andlight friction between their bodies. Soft and sensuous skin glided along his as Goku held him tightly. Time seemed to freeze for a moment and Vegeta was able to imagine it was a loving embrace. Looking over his bare shoulder he could see Goku's smiling face. The other Saiyan was smiling and laughing at him. Not the cold laughter of a torturer. The warm laughter of a friend.

Turning in the close hold, Vegeta looked searchingly into Goku's eyes. They were so clear and open, they didn't seem to be hiding secrets from Vegeta. Everything Goku stood for could be seen in his expressive eyes. Honor. Courage. Honesty. Love. Vegeta became entranced by those eyes and stared up at his reflection floating in them.

"Kakarot?" Vegeta whispered quietly, afraid to break the stillness of that second.

Goku blinked at the soft tone in Vegeta's voice. He had probably been expecting the surly older Saiyan to lash out at him, or call him an idiot. Goku seemed genuinely surprised at Vegeta's actions, but that surprise was nothing compared to what happened next.__

~*~*~*~*~

Vegeta awoke in a cold sweat. "Not that dream _again_! Why can't I stop it?! I don't want to remember that!" he screamed as he threw the plates against the wall. Leaping from his bed, he smashed his fist into the nearest wall and screamed in fury.

"I have to stop it. I have to stop the dream. It has to stop. There isn't anymore. Just stop it!" Vegeta hissed quickly, fisting his hands in his dark hair. Collapsing to his knees, Vegeta fought to control his breathing. Hammering his fist against the hard floor, he squeezed his eyes tightly shut against the pain.

Footsteps pounded down the hallway and Vegeta's door was thrown open.

"Vegeta! What's going on in here?!" Bulma screamed as she looked around for an intruder.

Growling, Vegeta sprang to his feet and glared icily at the blue-haired woman. "Get out of here! What I do in my room is none of your business!" he snarled in hate.

"HELLO! This is MY house! The only reason you HAVE a room is because we let you stay here! So stop messing up our house with your little temper tantrums!" Bulma yelled at him with her hands planted firmly on her hips.

"You had better remember who you're talking to woman. The only reason you even have a room here is because I allow you and your family to live," the warrior sneered. With that cutting final remark, Vegeta leapt out the window and flew off into dark night.

The President of Capsule Corporation stood in shock in the Prince's wake. All she could do was stare out the window after him. 'It's worse than we thought.'

~*~*~*~*~

Who cared where Vegeta was? Nobody. Who cared who Vegeta was? Nobody. Who cared what Vegeta was doing? Nobody. Who was Vegeta? Nobody.

If he had disappeared like this ten years ago, everyone would have been worried. Because of what and who he used to be. Used to be. Not anymore.

Now he was the shell of a Nobody. And Vegeta knew it.

He knew how the other fighters talked about him when they thought he couldn't hear. He saw the disgusted looks they gave him when they thought he wasn't looking. He knew they all hated him. Or worse — pitied him.

"Look at what Vegeta has become..."

"He used to have some self-respect..."

"Fucking drunk..."

"Vegeta's losing it..."

"Prince my ass..."

"I feel kinda sorry for him..."

Those comments were the worst to hear, that people felt sorry for him when he should be the one feeling sorry for those pathetic weaklings. What reasons did they have to feel pity for the proud Prince of all Saiyans? None — if he truly was the proud Prince of all Saiyans. But he wasn't. Not anymore.

It's true that he had once been. However he no longer had the strength to be so prideful. Vegeta was tired. Tired of having everyone look at him as the outcast. Tired of being pushed aside. Tired of being tired. It was like nothing mattered anymore, yet everything mattered. He didn't care what anyone thought about him, but it was all he thought of.

There was a darkness in Vegeta's head. That's the only way he could describe it. A type of sickness, that had to be forced out and conquered. But every attempt to do so was thwarted by the darkness. It sapped the energy out of Vegeta and left him more tired than he was to begin with. Resistance truly was futile.

So Vegeta resigned himself to the darkness. It still hurt—but it was by far the lesser of two evils.

~*~*~*~*~

Vegeta looked uninterestedly around the damp cave he was sitting inside. He had collapsed near the small hovel and had managed to crawl inside – and out of the storm raging outside. With a sigh he rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. As he once again tried to collect his shattered thoughts, he suddenly felt like he was being watched.

Snapping his eyes open to look for the owner of the suspected gaze, Vegeta saw a shape crouching in the shadows at the far end of the cave. "Who the fuck are you?!" barked Vegeta as he stumbled to his feet.

The figure stood but was forced to stoop over due to the low ceiling. Vegeta watched in fascination as the form seemed to materialize once the light touched it.

"Don't you remember me, Vegeta? It hasn't been that long. And here I thought you had a good memory," the figure said with a cocky attitude.

Vegeta's mouth dropped open and his eyes widened in disbelief as he saw the man smirking in front of him. "Kakarot?!"

Goku grinned and crossed his arms. "Glad to see you haven't become a total waste yet."

Vegeta scowled at the younger man and clenched his fists in fury. "If you came back to get killed again then you won't have to wait long," Vegeta growled as he dropped into an attack stance.

Goku laughed heartily and clapped the royal on the shoulder. "You haven't lost your amazing sense of humor either, Vegeta," he said with a snicker. Crossing his arms again and walking to the entrance of the cave, Goku looked out into the pouring rain. "What are you doing hiding in a cave, Vegeta? I thought you would have been sitting on a throne by now, without me around to stop you," the earth-raised Saiyan said over his shoulder with a smirk.

Adopting his indifferent attitude for the first time in so many years, Vegeta casually ignored the question posed to him and instead asked his own. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be dead?"

Goku turned around and raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Vegeta. "What am I doing here? Don't you know?" he asked, amused.

Vegeta stared silently at the other Saiyan for a few minutes, his cold glare effectively warning against games. A wild grin crossed Goku's face and he laughed loudly at the look on the prince's face.

"What am I doing here, you ask? Wasn't it you that begged for me to come back? Wasn't it you that cried without me? I do believe you've cried more than even Chichi," Goku said with a chuckle. Seeing the furious look on Vegeta's face, he crossed to the older man and wrapped his muscular arms around the small frame.

"Wasn't it you that wanted me so badly? Wanted me to come back and take you away with me?" Goku whispered hotly into Vegeta's ear.

Turning a vivid shade of red, Vegeta broke the contact and swung wildly at his former enemy and ally. Goku quickly released him and stepped back with hands raised in submission. Grinning, the younger Saiyan raised two fingers to his forehead and winked at Vegeta.

"Not even a goodbye kiss? This just means I'll have to come back to get one another time," snickered Goku as he used his Instant Transmission to disappear out of Vegeta's world. Again.

Vegeta stared blankly at the space where Goku had just been. Grinding his teeth together in frustration, he slammed his fist into the rock wall. Feeling warm blood trickle down between his knuckles, he kept punching the wall as hard as he could until he exhausted himself again. Once again he collapsed on the cold floor. He felt detached to the point of numbness.

Vegeta was gone and only the shell remained. The shell and the darkness.

~*~*~*~*~

__Vegeta hesitantly searched Goku's face for some kind of sign again. Something that would belay his deepest secrets. But necessity overrode caution as Vegeta leaned forward and claimed the lush lips for himself. A soft contact, cautious and questioning. Tilting his head back to see the other's reaction, Vegeta suddenly wished he hadn't looked.

Goku stood with mouth open in surprise, eyes wide and disbelieving. Raising a hand slowly, he touched his mouth as if to confirm what Vegeta had done...

"V-Vegeta...what...what just happened?" he asked in shock.

Something broke inside Vegeta.

Not waiting around to be humiliated by the other Saiyan, Vegeta flew off with a burst of speed. Angrily speeding away from Goku, the embarrassed Prince grit his teeth in aneffort to keep the red tint off his face. He had been wrong. Being wrong had cost him his dignity. Losing his dignity was losing himself.__

Vegeta had lost himself.