Welcome to DBZ Love Garden

“Jerome, spirit of Jerome Shirkofitz, I ask you to join us here today.”

As soon as Gohan entered the bizarre little shop, his first thought was, ‘How could anyone live like this?’ But seeing the short man at the table, the suckers – I mean clients – and all the other wonderful trinkets that made up for the desired illusions and effects, Gohan and Fred for once in their schizophrenic existence found themselves sharing the same thought. ‘YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.’

‘Some idiots are actually rich enough to give this fraud cash to talk to dead people?’ Fred asked, laughing his butt off.

‘I guess so. It’s closure for them, or something.’ Gohan replied. He and Fred continued to watch the bizarre spectacle in front of them.

‘He knows there is no-one here but you, right?’ Fred asked Gohan.

‘I seriously doubt the old fraud can even see me, Fred.’

‘You may have a point. Oh look, he is actually opening his eyes. Hey wow, they are actually bulging out – this could be funny.’

“Uhm…I am sorry to my loved ones, but I lived a long and reasonably happy life.”

“Yes father, you did.” said one of the suckers – I mean clients.

“Tell Pricella she can have the rosebud tea set if she so desires it.”

“WHAT THE #%#^&! IT’S MINE, DADDY! MOMMY SAID SO!!!”

“My dear, dear hellcat, can’t you be happy with what I have said? You can have the silver set – I know your grandmother said she’d rather you have it.”

“You have got to be kidding me! I don’t want the @#$#^^#! I want the @$#@$ rosebud tea set!”A non-descriptive man tried to calm the upset woman down. “Dear…dear, it’s okay.”

“DON’T you @$#@$# tell me it’s okay, you BASTARD!!”

The man looked apologetically at the rest of the party. “It’s probably time for her medication. She’s been a little high strung the last couple of…well, years actually.”

“You miserable @#^%^$&$! I want a DIVORCE, YOU UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLE!!!!”

‘Could you imagine being stuck with THAT?’ Fred asked Gohan.

‘She kinda reminds me of my mom actually. In full fry-pan mode.’

Three or four people tried to restrain the unreasonable woman and finally were forced to render her unconscious.

“I am really sorry about this, Dad.” The man apologized to ‘Hercule the Mystic’, before carrying his wife’s unconscious form out of the shop.

‘If I were him, I’d file a divorce before she does.’ Fred muttered, watching the estranged couple leave.

“YAY! I WIN, I WIN, I WIN! TAKE THAT, BITCH!” Cried another hysterical woman, except this one seemed happy.

‘Pricella, I am guessing.’ Thought Gohan.

‘What was your first hint?’ Asked Fred. The whole spectacle continued until everyone was more or less happy with the agreement, then the lawyer paid Hercule and everyone left.

‘Can you believe all that?’ Fred asked Gohan as the last of the customers left. ‘Now what was that weird slight pulling?’

‘I don’t know, but we should really find Trunks.’
‘You know exactly where he is – he is with his mother. He is safe. What is with you?’

Gohan sighed in frustration. ‘That BASTARD is interested in him!’

‘The aforementioned bastard is somewhere else right now, and could right now not care less about your student. Relax Gohan. Sheesh, maybe we should be happy you never had a family – Kais forbid you had a daughter or something. You would probably lock her in a tower until she was like thirty, while you stood outside in super saiyan mode with a sword guarding the entrance. The moat would probably be toxic with piranhas in it or something.’

‘Okay, let me explain a few things to you “Fred”…
1. I have more or less dedicated my life to training to fight against the androids.
2. Other than the short lapse of sanity I had before I died, I have never fallen in love before, okay?
3. No female would give me the time of day, even more so a DATE!
4. Androids seem to be a little higher on the list of things to do than find someone to go out with…’

‘5. You’re gay – and wouldn’t care if they wanted to date you anyway.’

‘What?’

‘You’re gay.’

‘No, I’m not…At least, I don’t think I am…Oh, for crying out loud – my sexuality and/or sex life, or lack of, is not important here! Hey, where’d that guy go anyway?’

‘Interesting way to try to change the subject, Gohan.’

‘Shove it, Fred.’

‘Nice and witty come-back.’

‘Fred…don’t make me hurt you.’
‘Fine, fine – I’ll shut up.’ It was quiet for like, five seconds. ‘You really like the kid, don’t you?’

‘Oh for the love of…we are done with that! Moving on…’

‘Riiigghhttt.’

‘FRED!’
‘Fine, fine. Sheesh, who knew the son of Goku could be so pissy?’

Gohan ignored the voice and found ‘Hercule the Mystic’ sitting behind a set of beaded curtains meditating. “Looks like we found him Fred.” Gohan spoke out loud.

Hercule opened his eyes…”Oh my god !!! Please don’t hurt me!! I won’t do this again, I swear!”

“You can see me?”

“Uhmm, yeah?”

“You can hear me?”

“Loud and clear. Are you going to let me live?”

“Huh? Oh, I don’t intend to hurt you, but since…How can you see me anyway?”

“I have no clue, this has never happened to me before.”

“You mean all those people that pay you to speak to their loved ones beyond the grave, and I am the first ghost you’ve ever seen? Fancy that – I took you for a complete and utter fraud.”

“Well…about that…”

“Interesting business you have.”

“Well you know, what ever pays the bills…Since those darn androids came around, not much in the job market. Businesses keeps getting blown up and all…”

“So you pretend to speak to the dead?”

“Yeah?”

“You are despicable, but I guess I can see where you are coming from. I need your help.”

“My help? YOU need ME? Why?”

“You can see me. No-one else can.”

“You sure about that? Cause I don’t have any real power – honestly!”

“Well, I guess we can check it out.” Gohan mused. “Come with me.”